Thursday, July 12, 2007


ROME, ITALY “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is a new document promulgated by Pope Benedict XVI this past week in response to the maelstrom of controversy over the Catholic Church’s latest pronouncement that it alone was the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church through which salvation is granted. Though this belief is recited by Catholics everywhere in the creed each Sunday, the idea that it would be said in a way that aids others who wish to engage the Catholic Church in dialogue know her position has struck Church watchdogs around the world as “cheeky.”

A protestant minister in Iowa who spoke with us under the condition that she remains anonymous stated her concern over Rome’s assertion that they were the one true church. “If true,” she stated, “that could put me and whole lot of other people out of work. Does Rome really want to contribute to world unemployment?” Her congregation gathered earlier in the week to discuss this latest revelation in a town hall meeting. “There was a lot of hurt,” she reports. “There were questions such as, ‘Does this mean we have to become Catholic?’ and “I though we were the one true Church.’ This contention of Catholics that they are Christ’s true Church does nothing but spread confusion and hurt.”

Even non-Christians have noted how politically incorrect the claim is. “This is just not how polite people talk,” said a popular etiquette columnist. But others have noted that if one does not assert that they have truth, there is not really much point in engaging them in conversation. The president of “Deists In Search of a Religion” was quoted as saying, “If someone does not believe they are speaking truth, what’s the point in having a conversation with them? It all becomes about sharing feelings then. I don’t need therapy I need a religion. And I want to talk to someone who at least thinks they know what they are talking about [and has] something to offer me. I wouldn’t vote for someone who is wishy washy about their beliefs, why would I entrust my soul to someone who is wishy washy about how salvation occurs?”

But in the end, it was the outcry of those “left behind” that caught Rome’s ear and today the pope released “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” to ease feelings and help others build self-esteem. “It really brings down the Church's teaching on being the one and holy church to the level of an interoffice memo,” says a Vatican insider. “We know it is true in our hearts but if nobody asks us, we just won’t make a thing out of it. We will still say the creed at mass but when we say, ‘We believe in one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church,’ we will simply not specify who we mean.”

The document does not go into effect until August 17th, the feast of St. Perfidia. When a diocesan spokesperson was asked what a priest’s reaction should be when asked if the Catholic Church is the one true Church after this date he said, “We are recommending that he smile, arch his eyebrows thusly and shrug his shoulders. That should make everyone happy.”

(N.B. Satire Alert)


Anonymous said...

Learned our lesson from the bullet-proof vest incident, did we? (tee-hee)

Fr. V said...

LOL ;>)

Sister Maxine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Odysseus said...

Hey! I knew it was satire right at the start this time! I must be getting better.

Anonymous said...


I rejoiced to a clerical friend, "YAY -- he's still God's Rottweiler after all!!" The Catholic Church has made her apologies to the world via the most humble man (and Vicar of Christ) I've ever known. That is fully done, now. Now, on with the prayer of Christ Himself in the Upper Room.

Sister Maxine said...

And this bears to question should we be tolerant - "Recognition of and respect for the beliefs of others" (the original definition) or today's (society's) new definition of tolerant ("all beliefs are valid & equal"). What a huge difference!

I had to find & read other versions of this article.

...and the truth shall set you free...and sometimes the truth hurts.

paramedicgirl said...

You had me going! Right up until the end!

George van Popta said...

Even though I am a Reformed Christian, I like this Pope. Good for him for actually saying things. Of course, it does not play well in a PoMo world. As to what is the one true church, well, we might disagree on that one.

Fr. V said...


YES! I would HOPE that you would disagree. The whole stated point of the Protestant Church breaking from Rome (and subsequently breaking from each other) was that they too believed that they had a greater access to truth. If they didn't, it would be pretty silly to break away.

I've had some Protestant friends say that they are hurt that there is division in the Church and that we should all be one and that they were willing to admit that thier particular denomination was not "it." I told them that they were part of the problem the and should become Catholic if they believed in unity and that no absolute truth can be found. Otherwise, what's the point? (They didn;t heed my advice. ;>)

So, I respect you for disagreeing - because you seem to do so for intellegent reasons - meaning you thought about it and beleive you've discovered truth.) I bet we could have a respectful and fun debate and walk away friends even if we continue to disagree.

But if someone is not ready to stand up and say, "This is what I believe, it is truth, and I have these reasons to believe so," they are just waisting time and harming the mission of Christ. This is our stand.

Anonymous said...

"I told them that they were part of the problem the and should become Catholic if they believed in unity and that no absolute truth can be found. Otherwise, what's the point?"

Excellent advice Father!

I read the first few paragraphs of this post a few times--very confused--what is Father saying? Duh!

George van Popta said...

Fr. V.,

Thank you for your kind response to your separated brother. Hmm.... what is it to be "catholic"? Every Sunday, at a Canadian Reformed Church, I profess to believe ".... a holy catholic church, the communion of saints...."

You wrote: "I bet we could have a respectful and fun debate and walk away friends even if we continue to disagree." I think we would all of that, ... as long as the ale was good. :-)