Sunday, October 18, 2015


Last week I wrote to you that the incredible Miss C no longer with us.  One of the ministries she used to do was to shop for the rectory (read: helpless bachelors.)  So I thought, "How hard can it be," and went out to restock our larder.  I thought it would fun (wrong) and easy (wrong.)  At the end of the excursion and having LOTS of bags, we had nothing to eat.  What good is butter if you don't have bread?  What good is chip dip if you don't have chips?

I was talking with a couple of ACME #1 veterans about this encounter.

They took pity on me after hearing my story and decided to help me by giving me instruction a la grocery shopping boot camp.

"You can't go dressed like that.  It invites distraction," they informed me.  "You need a disguise.  Preferably nothing black.  People may recognize you anyway if you wear black."

Apparently one should have a list.  You can't just go and think, "Oh, I bet we need this."  It makes sense I suppose.  That way you don't end up with 20 bags of Value Time Cheese Curls and no fruits and vegetables.

Also, such a list must be made out in categories.  At first I bulked at this thinking that it was WAY too much work, but then they asked me how many times did I have to go back to the opposite side of the store to get something I forgot.  It was true!  I probably could have gotten out of there 20 minutes earlier with some careful planning.

So they helped figure out how to lay out a battle plan.
It makes sense.  Did General Paton go into battle thinking, "Oh, we'll just beat up people as we come them"?  No!  He knew the enemy and their territory.  He had a plan and that made him successful.

There were all kinds of other hinters.  Go at 7AM and the lines are short.  Don't take wine bottles to a line that has an under age kid working at it.  Present bar codes.  Make sure crushable items are not in the bottom of the cart.  Put like things together.  Keep you head down as much as possible.  Don't look too helpless because they go after the weak first.  Make sure a "bargain" is really a bargain.  Avoid "5 for the price of 1" if you really don't want it in the first place.

And preparation is important:
And then I was off!


Karen said...

Father, do any of your local supermarkets do home delivery? I do my best to avoid the grocery store at all costs, and thanks to an awesome home delivery service offered by one of our local grocery store chains I can order groceries on line and spare myself the agony of tromping through the grocery store with a small pack of children asking for a thousand things. I've found the service to be well worth the $10 I pay to have someone navigate the store and then show up on my porch with all of my groceries. They'll even call me if they don't have exactly what I want to see if I want them to get something else instead.

knuckledragger said...

LOL...John Quixote

Anonymous said...

Haha Brilliant!!!

Louis said...

This is my quest!
To get out of the store!
With all of my groceries!
In less time, not more!
To dream, the impossible dream!

Cathy K said...

I live alone and not being a cook, I try to keep it simple.

For example, for supper, I set the oven at 425 degrees for Giant Eagle fish (cod, haddock, perch, in four-packs in the freezer near the deli area & not much fat) or I use Morning Star brand frozen patties (Mediterranean Chickpea). I microwave for 5 minutes Idaho or Golden potatoes and place them in the oven with the fish. I include an oven-safe dish of cut up gala apple slices and also a dish of canned vegetables with water drained, such as corn, mixed veggies or carrots, or I microwave some frozen vegetables as another side. I set the oven on timer for 25 minutes and go take a shower. The meal is ready when I am done.

So all I have to remember is to keep the freezer stocked with fish or Morning Star packages, keep a stock of canned or frozen bags of vegetables, a sack of potatoes in a cool cupboard downstairs and sacks of gala apples in the refrigerator.

I also like eggs, so I keep stocked up on eggs with a stash of bread in the freezer for toast; cream cheese and margarine; and jars of coconut oil or olive oil spray to cook the eggs scrambled in the skillet.

And I break the routine periodically with frozen entries stashed in the freezer, such as Lean Cuisine, Healthy Choice, or low-fat Michelina's. Also, I stockpile Greek yogurt containers.

I buy the more expensive type half gallons of milk (Aldi's) with dates that expire far in the future so that I am not constantly needing to pick up milk. My present milk cartons are dated for use to Nov. 28.

I feel better too when I eat this way.

Anonymous said...

who is Cathy? would it be Cathy Paparella?

Anonymous said...

Father, I know I am kind of late with this, but always try to look somewhat decent when you travel to the Acne (it's like a blemish in life. I can't stand grocery shopping). Everyone in the entire world that you know will be there when you look your worst, and then find you to chat while you are trying to hide in the ethnic food isle. It's like the showing up naked to your high school reunion dream, only it's real life and you have raggedy clothes on and your hair is a mess. er uh, well, you get it. Good luck to you. I'll pray for your sanity!

Fr. V said...

Oh my goodness I am crying I am laughing so hard.