WHAT'S A NICE GOD LIKE YOU DOING IN A WORLD LIKE THIS?

Having a relationship with God is much like having a relationship with any person.  God is, after all, a person.  Granted, He is a Divine Person, but He is someone with Whom to be in a relationship just the same.  

All relationships develop.  Even as an infant, to a certain extent, one must learn who Dad is.  This happens by spending time together talking, playing, eating, learning what each likes - the gamut of what it is to be in a close relationship with another person.

How does one apply this to God?  It is no secret.  You spend time together, we are invited into each other’s activities, we learn about Him, talk with Him, do the things that He likes to do, etc.  In other words, don’t treat Him as though He were merely a force, an emergency dispatch Person, some distant being or only an historical figure.  He is alive and active all around you, calling you at every moment, desirous of you, shouting out for you, wanting to walk with you and be consciously with you.

BUT - if you don’t know how to do this - even if you pray every day - how do you get started?  Get started like you would with anybody that you want to get to know but can’t quite figure out how to fit into each other’s lives yet.  Start by holy flirting.  Whenever or wherever you come across Him, smile and send a hello - like a quick text.  If you are in a deadly meeting and God comes to mind, don’t think, “Gee, I’ll have to pray later,” send him a text prayer immediately.  “Hello God.  Me here.  Bored.  Thinking of you.”

Make a surprise visit to His house.  Pop in for just a moment.  “Hey God.  It’s me!  I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d pop in and say hi.”

Open yourself up to a message from Him.  Make yourself available.  “Okay God, what do you want me to learn, understand or do today?  Who do you want me to meet?  Send me someone to do something for today.”

Spy on God.  Read a little of His history (Scripture.)  I bet His mom would just love for you to read about her Son since they didn’t have photo albums back them.  When you start, it doesn’t have to be an hour sloshing through the genealogy.  Take 5 minutes and pick a verse.

Also get to know His friends and find out more about Him through them.  The saints have all kinds and various insights into Him.

All relationships are two way streets.  It won’t be all God.  He respects you too much.  He is like the Good Neighbor Who sends cookies over to your house and sits out on His front porch and calls out, “Hello!” and invites you over dinner.  “Come on over!  I’d love to have you for dinner anytime!  There is always a place at the table for you whenever.”  We just have to stop a frantic life, walk up to the railing of the porch and choose to set the date.  

WHEN LESS IS MORE

In the most recent Sherlock Holmes movie ("Mr. Holmes" starring Ian McKellen) we see Holmes retired in a remote country home with a servant. Holmes is distant and the housekeeper somewhat frustrated.  Clearly she has more skin in the game and therefore Holmes, as her employer and almost sole source of humanity (poor girl!) is in control of the relationship.

Later, the tables are turned, and when the housekeeper no longer needs Holmes, having had enough of him and finding a new job, it is Holmes who now has much more skin in the game and she becomes the more powerful of the two in the relationship.

In any given relationship (family, friends, lovers) one person is always more in love than the other.  And it is the one less in love who is in control.  Because it takes two to Tango, it is the one who loves less who's veto or disinterest determines just how far any relationship will go.  The satiated one forces the other to diet.  

There are two important things with this (maybe more, but we'll stick with two today.  I want to get my breakfast.)  One is, if you find a person who will continue to love you when that person has had enough, that is the person to marry.  That is true love.  To be chosen even when the other person no longer receives any further consolation.  Wow.  That is love in it's rarest form.

The other is to remember that God is crazy about you though He receives no consolation from it.  God is complete.  He IS love.  Yet, He made you.  He redeemed you.  He was made humble for you and was born into this world.  He lived for you, taught for you, and performed miracles so that you would believe.  He was arrested for you, tortured for you, and died for you.  He came back for you.  He makes available to you His dignity, His power, and His inheritance.  It would seem there was nothing left to give and then He made His Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity available to you as the Eucharist.  I can't even imagine anything left that He could give except for His infinite patience and mercy. 

And as those who love less than our Lover, we are in control.  He will not force anything on us (another sign of His love and respect.)  The Bridegroom will love the Bride as fully as she we allow.  How deeply it goes is entirely up to us.  And no matter how deeply you allow Him to love you, you will never probe the depths.  

WHEN CAN YOU CALL IT QUITS?

My general advice is stick with family.  You only get one that is recognized legally, socially, biologically, and every other -ally.  No matter how annoying, family is always family.

 

Unless it’s not.

 

Is there a time to walk away from family, or a friend, or even a spouse?  Or are we to stick it out no matter what?  If there is a line that once crossed makes it Okay to walk away?

 

The problem is that we are not all the same.  Every person is different.  Each has different strengths and weaknesses.  Others are more open to change while some just aren’t.  Situations vary.  So there is no magic formula into which you can plug a few numbers and know the answer nor is it as simple as Ann Lander’s constant advice, “Are you better off with or without this person?”

 

So there is Jesus, the perfect model.  He knew that Judas was going to betray Him.  He knew that he was a thief.  He loved him anyway and was thereby able to bring good from Judas’ evil action.

 

There are many persons we could site who did this.  One of my favorites is St. John of the Cross who was treated miserably by his family and fellow brothers in his order.  For what was done to him, if today it went to court, many of his confreres would be jailed.  But he loved them, stuck with them, and today his love is still transforming the Church.

 

But must we always stick it out?  Matthew 7:6, "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.”  Or Luke 13:27: "But he will reply, “I don't know you or where you come from. Away from me, all you evil doers!”  (I may be forcing the context a little, but I think there is a point to be made.)

 

A lot of discussion and discernment must take place with the appropriate persons.  But in the end it comes down to this:  The motivation must be love.

 

Did you find out that your spouse is a child molester?  It may be that love for your children may call you to part ways.

 

Is family pressure so great and your strength only so much that your faith is in danger of being snuffed out?  It may be that limiting exposure is necessary in order to preserve your loving relationship with God.

 

Is your spouse an alcoholic and not seeking help and they need waking up?  Would stepping away help them to realize what is happening to their life?  Can you do it in a loving way with the motivation of them finding healing?

 

Tricky, tricky questions.  As you can see, we could come up with a billion scenarios all with varying factors.  And there will always be people on both sides of the fence.  “Never, ever give up on anybody!”  and “How on God’s green earth could you suggest that somebody stay in that abusive situation?!” 

 

Prayer.  Discernment.  Consult.  And most importantly, find the loving motivation.