WHY PUT OFF BEING HAPPIER UNTIL TOMORROW?

To start, let’s acknowledge that some people have Maria Goretti lives.  Forces over which they have no control but which have considerable control over them make life miserable.  Additionally, a person may have a Maria Goretti aspect to their lives.  That is, there is a part of their life that is challenging, over which there is little or no control.  So if you are in a Turkish prison and experiencing daily beatings, there is not much you can do to improve your lot before lunch.

But outside of those types of situations, most people (way including myself) know what they can do to make room in their lives for more joy.  It could be spiritual, like going to confession.  It could be physical like getting some exercise, seeing your doctor, or finishing a long put off and complicated chore.  It might be mental, like changing your attitude or getting away from a negative influence.

It’s nice to go for the quick fix.  But quick fixes rarely have any lasting power and most of them involve escapism.  And while you are on vacation from your problem, it often just grows worse (or at least appears worse.)  A computer game, a smoke, the fifth time through a TV rerun, the  whole bag of Valuetime Cheese Curls (may they rest in peace) simply give the temporary appearance of the disappearance of the problem.  Like Anbosol on a toothache: It may take the pain away, but the tooth continues to decay and when the medication wears off, watch out.

Why put off being happier until tomorrow?  Fix something today.  You’ll be happier tomorrow.  Maybe the victory and the (hopefully) positive feeling will give you the power to fix one more thing.  Set little achievable goals.  Give yourself a victory pat on the back.  If talking on the whole mountain immobilizes you because it seems impossible, then attack it one stone at a time, one day at a time.  After a month, you’ll be surprised at the pile of rocks that have been removed and how much better you feel at the exercise.

When I was a kid my mother wanted a rock garden around the front tree.  There was a huge pile of discarded rocks up the street in a field.  She didn’t drive and I was little and she was not very strong.  So one day we each picked up two rocks.  We brought them to the yard and placed them at the base of the tree.  It looked pathetic and felt like painting a house with a piece of dental floss.  But every day we would go for a walk.  At the end of two weeks things started to look promising.  Half way through the summer there was a promising wall.  By August, we were sitting on the low wall drinking lemonade. 

There is a Chinese (I believe) proverb that asks the question, “When is the best time to plant a tree?”  The answer is, “Yesterday.”  So get started.

And as for the Maria Goretti aspects: The necessary as opposed to the necessary suffering in your life?  This is where sainthood comes in.  You can choose to wallow in misery, or you can use it.  It doesn’t make it better, but it makes it useful.  You can suffer.  Or you can suffer and have some good come from it.  Offer up your forbearance in pain as penance, or for reparation for someone else or our nation or for vocation.  Give God your tears to rain on the graves of faithfully departed to quicken their journey to heaven.  In other words, give this unwelcome visitor purpose.  Use it.  Don’t merely be used by it.

And for those who cannot muster any of this:  KNOW that I prayed for you today.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

Before you declare, “Nyope,  Not me.  This is ridiculous.” let me make my case.  If, at the end, you still don’t agree with me, you’ll still be wrong, but at least you read to the end.

Your life is amazing.  It is not supposed to be exciting all the time.  In fact, it is rarely exciting except to the most attentive and, for the others for whom it actually is, . . . well . . . they are just odd.  They are the exception that proves the rule.

You are living a fairy tale.  An incredible story is playing out in the living of your life.  The problem (if you are not buying this) is that you are used to it.  Somewhere (I forget where) Pope Benedict talked about how terrible it is to grow accustomed to the miraculous.  But we do.  Jesus Christ suffered and died for you, opened up paradise, made you a child of God, and gives Himself to you, Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity in the Eucharist!  And we yawn and say, “Yeah.  I know.  What’s on T.V. tonight?”

In his essay, “Baby Worship,” Chesterton writes, “The supreme adventure is being born.  There we do walk suddenly into a splendid startling trap.  There we do see something of which we have not dreamed before.  Our father and mother do lie in wait for us, like brigands from a bush.  Our uncle is a surprise.  Our aunt is, in the beautiful common expression, a bolt from the blue.  When we step into the family, b the act of being born, we do step into a world which is incalculable, into a world which had its own strange laws, into a world which could do without us not a world that we have not made.  In other words, when we step into a family, we step into a fairy-tale.”

“Perhaps I’ll grant you that,” you might think.  “But after that?  Blah!”

Poppycock!

Think of your average fairy tale or movie.  One distills to a short book or two hours out of a life time to make it interesting.  As for drudgery, as beautiful as the story of Cinderella is, she spent A LOT of time in mourning for her parents, being treated as slave labor, and having no means of hope.  The people in Frozen spend most of their lives being miserable.  “Inside Out,” “Bring Him Home,” “Bridge of Spies,” “Revenant” all have incredible amounts of boring, monotonous, what seems to be life wasting time glossed over or slashed out entirely to present a movie that keeps you on the edge of your seat.

During the parts that were exciting, the people that lived them did not necessarily like it, think it special, or want it.  Those who were in trouble wanted to sit on the porch and drink lemonade.  Those trapped at home dream of flying to Mars.  Those with curly hair want straight hair and those with no hair would be happy with chia pet hair.  The point is, there needs to be tension and or loss in this life for the greatness to make itself truly felt and not lost among the mundane. 

Often in these stories, the realization that they were in a great story line was not until it was over and somebody points it out to them.  Sometimes it takes an outsider to say, “Wow!  What a life!”

St. Francis spent A LOT of time in angst, worry, and controversy.  So did Blessed Mother Theresa.  Outsiders say, “Wow, what a life!  I wish I could have that excitement or peace.”  We review their lives as they do us and think, “What an adventure.  What a unique and exciting life compared to boring old me.”

Stop it.

Even if you don’t see a payoff coming (which would ruin it anyway) know that your heavenly Father has something tremendous waiting for you who loved Him in this life.  “Eye has not seen, ear has not heard, nor has it so much as dawned on man” what God has waiting.  It will blow whatever expectations you have out of the water and make it all worth it.

Here is my challenge to you today.  See your life anew.  When you look outside, SEE the tree that you don’t notice anymore because it is always there.  It is different today than it was yesterday.  Appreciate today the place where you live.  No, it is not ideal.  But you have much for which to be grateful.  It is home base for your fair tale.  It will loom large in the telling of your story some day (even if it is just to God.  But I doubt it.)  Put on your least favorite clothes, go to your least favorite room, look at the least favorite thing in the room, see it, recognize it, and challenge it to play a role in your fairy tale.  Then let it sit and stew and worry about it and you go live.

And decide to be happy.  When you are bored, remember a time you were so crazy that you wish you had more time to be bored.  When you are crazy busy, remember the time you were bored and wish you had something to do.  

And pray.  

HOW MUCH HAS TO GO RIGHT FOR SOMETHING TO GO WRONG?

The dishwasher in the rectory broke down.  Again.  Of course it was after one of those times when we didn’t start it up because we thought we could squeezes just a few more dishes in.  “There’s always room for more.”  So she was packed to the gills and then . . . nothing.

 

I put signs all around the kitchen, “The dishwasher is broken!  If you use it, you must wash it by hand.”  The repair man came out today and said the computer board would need replaced and that the part and labor would be $400!  The machine is only a couple of years old and we just replaced this very same part a year ago so $400 seems a bit excessive, considering these two repairs would be way more than we paid for the thing in the first place.  So we are getting a new one – and not the same brand.

 

Now, I think it would be understandable if one were upset at this debacle.  Cheap equipment is wasting our time and resources.  But on the other hand, how many things had to right to face this problem?  We had food.  We had (nice) plates and service wear on which to eat the food that needed cleaning.  We (had) a dishwasher.  We have clean water.  We have soap.  We have safe and reliable electricity.  We have a kitchen.  We live in a place where a repair man could come out within a day.  We are able bodied enough that we can wash dishes by hand and had the materials on hand to do it.  And we have the joy to put up with it.

 

A person about whom I’ve written here before was in a terrible car accident last week.  She was at Mass this week saying that, although two cars were totaled and she had a concussion and broken rib, she and the kids walked away.  It was going to be a hardship getting a new car but they had a lot about which to be thankful so she chose to be grateful instead of angry.

 

When something goes wrong, there is so much that has to go right for there to be something that we can complain about.  We have a choice.  Every event can be the end of the world or an opportunity.  One of the opportunities is to realize how much of life is good in order to have the problem we face even be able to be a problem at all.

WE DID THE HOKEY POKEY AND WE TURNED OURSELVES AROUND

Why do we work so hard to make traditional Judeo/Christian principals a part of our culture?

 

Because it works.

 

And where our culture is heading now does not work.

 

We are the richest, most pampered culture ever to exist.  We have more license to do anything we want.  We have more options for staying healthy than ever before.  We are the most traveled, most technologically advanced, information soaked culture that has every lived on the face of the earth.  All that we might desire comes more quickly, more anonymously, less scandalously, and cheaper than any human being has every enjoyed.  In short, we are getting more of what we want, when and how we want it, than anybody, anywhere, anytime, has every been so dumped on in abundance.  Even those we consider poor (as opposed to destitute) often have cars, cell phones, a computer, cable, and access to health care.  Maybe not the best, but better than most of the world enjoys.  We should be the happiest culture ever.

 

And we are not.

 

A recent report in the Akron Beacon Journal states that the suicide rate among middle aged white people has risen 40% in the last decade.  Another report declares suicide the third leading cause of death among teens.  Talk to any police officer (or school teacher) and he will tell you about the sky rocketing use of drugs among students.  Rape, particularly in our armed forces as stated today in the newspaper, is on a dramatic increase.  According to the International Press Service, in the last three decades, the incarceration rate in the US has risen 790%.  (Yes, you read that correctly.)  And this does not even touch on the abortion rate, the failure of marriages, the rise in abuse . . . (child abuse injuries on the rise ABC news 1 Oct 12)

 

Does this sound like a happy nation?  Does it sound as though we are on the road to peace?  Does it sound as though the experiment is working in the least?  Would you suggest we keep moving in the same direction if this was a company and you were in charge?

 

There was a talk given at St. Sebastian concerning faith and culture and the forces working against the faith having an influence on our society.  Two pages of factors were listed which included everything from our rugged individualism, to consumerism, to technology, to our cultures call for tolerance, etc. . .  I would have to disagree with the speaker that these are our problems.  These are, rather, the symptoms of a flawed philosophy of life.  The true problem lies in the great turn inward. 

 

Just for example: One of the main purposes of marriage is the radical decision for the other.  It is the great turning outward toward another.  Our vows reflect this: “I promise to love you in good times and in bad . . . all the days of my life.”  There is no expectation in those vows.  There are no conditions such as, “and I expect to be loved” or “under the following conditions,” or “until I don’t feel it anymore.”  If there has been a great turning inward, of course marriages are going to start failing at a greater rate.  Two people are getting married in order to be loved and not with the mind set of ministering love.  A couple staying together with the intention of sucking love out of each other is doomed to fail.

 

Now, if two people abide by their vows, they will indeed not only love, but be loved.  But we don’t get married to be cautious with our love.  It simply doesn’t work.

 

This great turning inward can be seen in every aspect of our culture.  Even art is often a masturbatory creation displaying the artist’s inner life rather than channeling that creativity to say something to the world.  (I know I’ll get argument there.)

 

This is why we can no longer stand on the deck of the Titanic and worry about how the deck chairs are arranged.  “No, no!  We Catholics like our chairs facing east!  East!  We must have some chairs facing east!”  It is time to get off the deck and stand under the Titanic and lift it up.  We must get at the root causes of things.  This year I am devoting myself to try some things at the parish.  I encourage you to do the same.  I don’t know what.  Be creative!  You are husbands and wives, parents, students, organizers, prayers, professionals, owners, purchasers, voters, artists, public figures, writers, thinkers, policy makers, changers, and followers.   You are Catholic, Christian, human, and a full citizen of the United States.  At the very least, when you come across something that makes you say, “Isn’t that just too bad?” don’t let it go!  Say a prayer about it.

 

Together we can change the world and restore some joy.

HAY HORSE, WHY THE LONG FACE?

Only one of our depictions of saints in our church has a smile.  The rest are all deadly serious.  St. John Vianney is the only one who looks like he just got away with stealing a cookie from the cookie jar.  The rest look like as though they are in a heavy rain trying to make out the license plate of a rapidly receding car that had just side swiped them.

Now, of course someone like St. Sebastian, who is usually depicted as having arrows stuck in his side, would look far out of character with a smile on his face.  One would wonder what pharmaceuticals he must be on rather than the depth of his love for God.  That being said, I think we have done ourselves a grave disservice equating holiness with severeness of demeanor.  That is not to say that there is not a place for a stern approach from time to time, but holiness should lead to joy.  You can’t have holiness without an underlying joy (even if it is through tears and pain) and you can’t have true joy without holiness.

There are those that are joyfull, but the faith underneath it is at best full of empty calories and covered with lots of powdered sugar.  When really tried, it fails to give you the strength you need and the joy (which would be closer to happiness than real joy) fades and so can, and usually does, the faith. 

At the other end is person with faith who is also as grave as the grave.  This person tends to look down upon those who do not live up to their standards of (at least outward) holiness.  Their type of faith might be strong, but it is unattractive and unfruitful.  Who wants to join anything that will make you constantly appear constipated?

So last week (I will share more about it later) I was going to a place that has a reputation for being a “holy place.”  I had some trepidation about it.  It was certainly orthodox from the rising of the sun to its setting, but I had concerns about the temperament of those I would encounter.  “Would I not be ‘Catholic’ enough for them?  Would I be made to feel like a second class Catholic?” 

I am happy to report that such was not the case.  The joy that I experienced there from the priests, nuns, and brothers bubbled over.  They were extremely welcoming and accommodating.  There was an excitement to share what they had freely and openly, and a sense of underlying joy that was attractive and tempting.

If your faith is not leading you to joy, something is wrong.  If you faith is not attractive, something is wrong.  (Notice I am not talking about happiness which is merely an emotion.  Joy is an inner strength and conviction, knowledge of meaning and the blossom of hope.)  If you do not have joy, you do not have what Jesus wants for you.  If you do not have joy, your faith will not be as fruitful as it could be.  If you do not have joy, something needs to change.  We do not need any volunteer statues in church.

P.S., Yes, I know the title should be "Hey Horse!"

IF YOU HONK, LET IT BE WITHOUT SIN

There is a priest staying with us today who commutes regularly from Pittsburg to Akron. Talk about a commute! My commute is down the stairs in the morning. I suppose that allows me not to be so upset when driving (except by people driving erratically – I’m sure they do not think so – because they are on their cell phone) as some of my friends are who spend significantly more time behind the wheel than I do.

That being said I realized that I have relished in opportunities to honk my horn. I enjoy honking my horn but my father made it very clear that one only honks his horn when one absolutely needs to. So when someone is on their phone and doesn’t see the light has turned as quickly as I would like them to (because my life will be significantly different if I get through this light in two sends rather than one minute) I think to myself, “You have a right to honk your horn! Finally! It’s been months! Let them have it!”

Then someone sent me an Email (the kind I usually rarely read) about people being like dump trucks. Here is a link to the passage from the book. It is the only part of the book with which I am familiar so don’t think of this as a promotional for it. You will need to scroll down a bit to get to it. I thought it the most trite, inane thing I’d taken the time to read for a long time and erased it. (I had to search for it online to present it to you today.) But it kept bothering me and so revisited the whole idea that it presents.

Anger is not sinful – well – that is the emotion of anger is not sinful. “If you are angry, let it be without sin,” says Scripture. Emotions have no value on the sin/virtue scale. What we do with those emotions does however. There are times when anger for a just and holy cause should rouse passion and make one act for sake of righteousness. But even then we do not act out of the anger, the emotion that warned us that something might be wrong, but out of passion, compassion, and love to bring about good.

So, being cut off in traffic – is there reason for anger there? Yes. It is dangerous, rude, and self centered. But does that give another individual the right to be dangerous, rude, and self centered in return?

There is a traffic circle that is adjacent to our property. Occasionally there will someone who feels offended by what the person in front of them has done (to them) and will lay on their horn directly behind the person for their trip around the circle. Not a little toot that says, “Ooops! I’m here” accompanied by a wave – but a glaring fifteen second death blast with accompanying orphaned finger. This happens once or twice a month. Yes, they were cut off, yes they were wronged, yes, they will have to take three more seconds of their lives to get around the circle, yes, the person in front of them did something dangerous, but now they also allowed themselves to become what they hate. They are the distraction going around the circle.

And what of the driver against whom they honketh their horns? Having observe this happen a couple of times I’ve seen older drivers now shook up, penitent drivers, and those who are now equally mad right back. All that happens now is that driving conditions are now more perilous, and anger, like the flu in an elementary school in February spreading from person to person and being carried on out of the circle into the greater world. The garbage trucks fill up more and more and they will need to be dumped somewhere. Maybe around your dinner table tonight.

Garbage in – garbage out.

Don’t pick up garbage. Don’t give your garbage to someone else. Dispose of it properly.

Everyone will feel better.

And if this will help, go here and press number 17, my personal favorite.

MAYBE AFTER I HAVE MY COFFEE

“Will you rejoice with me this day?”

This line was quoted from Fr. Paul Clines whose funeral mass was held yesterday morning. The homilist said, “If Father Clines were able to speak to us today from the pulpit I am sure he would say, ‘Will you rejoice with me this day?’” I believe it. Far from a tragedy he would see his going forth from us an absolute blessing. That is not to say that the trip might have been one fraught with tense and scary moments, but through it all there was an underlying joy.

Some people are like that. They have a reserve of joy that shines through even during terribly trying moments. They always have hope amid tears, joy amid sadness, and a concern for others even as their own world seems to be collapsing.

Other people seem to be happiest being miserable. If it’s winter they curse the cold. If its summer, they curse the heat. When they are short on cash life is too hard, when they are flush, the cares that money thrusts upon them make the burden of having it too much. They cling to victimhood and wail most loudly at every incident of discomfort or slight, which they diligently seek out at every moment.

Christians have a certain obligation to be joyful. Not happy, but even when in tears there must be that underlying hope, that understanding that God can use anything for His glory and our benefit even if at the moment we do not understand it or see it. That is what the gifts of wisdom, understanding, and knowledge that you received at your confirmation are all about.

Have your cultivated these gifts given to you? Do you have that underlying sense of joy, hope, and trust in God? Here is a little test. It is not scientific but might at least make give you pause to contemplate and explore your spirituality a bit better.

You are in a restaurant where you are to meet a person. It is twenty minutes past the time he is supposed to be there. What runs through your mind?

a) I hope he is Okay.
b) I am so embarrassed sitting here alone. I wish he would hurry up and get here.
c) What a jerk! I can’t believe he is so inconsiderate as to leave me here by myself and be late like this!

Someone might argue that they would pick b or c if there was baggage with the person being either chronically late or having control issues. But even then, that fact that the person is like that is known and you should expect nothing else from them. Being upset is exactly what gives them power and dampens your spirit. Only (a) permits you to find any possible joy in the moment.

The world is full of wonder and most of it is missed because when things are not going exactly as a person wishes them, they ignore the opportunities the situation provides for all of their efforts are in trying to reorganize the world back to the course they wish it to be. Fr. Clines said, “Even the snow is full of wonder.” The billions of flakes that we have crushed unthinking under our feet have all been masterpieces of art, no two of which are alike. If only we would take time to appreciate what is before us.

We win nobody to Christ when they see the same worldly weariness in us as they do everyone else, when they see the same pessimism. If your faith is making you sour, there is something wrong and it isn’t with Christ or His Church.

That is not to say that we won’t be sad, that we won’t be down, that we won’t have low periods in our lives that there are not times when it becomes necessary to change situations. But even from the bottom of the pit we look up at the light and know that even if we must wait until death, there is still hope and love and light.

Much of joy is choosing joy. Happiness is rarely within our power but joy is. It takes a certain amount of discipline. It can be excruciatingly hard for some, natural for others, possible for all. But for it to be real, it must be in Him. And to be in Christ means to share in His joy.

Will you rejoice with me this day?