MONDAY DIARY: STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT

Sebastian is barking like there’s a boogey man in the house. I roll over and see my clock: 3:30AM. Sheesh. “Maybe he’ll stop and the problem will go away.” He stops barking. Then I hear a noise. I am now fully awake. I put on some clothes and start walking downstairs. This time Sebastian stays in his closet – he must figure that I am going to take care of it now - and I think, “Wait a minute. This is HIS job.” So I go pull him out of bed and make him go before me. Now he thinks it is a game and takes off barking. Somehow I already know who it is.

I wonder if there are as many people who innocently run into police officers in their pajamas as I do. Apparently one of our doors did not lock and the police came to check things out when the alarms went off. It could have been anything including the wind blowing. But I took Sebastian with me anyway to walk through the church. If anyone was in there, everyone would know about it soon.

There was nothing of note to tell you but now I was wide awake and needed to up in an hour and half to catch a plane. I was in a phase for a while of not wearing my clerics while traveling. Quite honestly they are not the most convenient clothes in which to travel these days. I prefer loose fitting, simple clothing for the strip down at the security center at the airport. About a year ago a security guy in Chicago after checking my picture ID asked with a broadening smile, “Traveling incognito Father?” So now I don’t. The slight inconvenience seems worth the witness value.

There is a certain amount of risk. You are about to sit, trapped next to someone for a couple of hours. You hope that their inclination toward the Church is at least civil of not sane. The conversation usually begins, “Excuse me, are you a Catholic priest?” Why we don’t just start saying to everyone, “Before we begin, yes, I am a Catholic priest” is beyond me.

There is the slight holding of the breath for a moment until the next words come out of the other person. “How interesting,” she says, “I grew up the child of a minister!” Breathe easy.

As it turned out both she and her husband were children of Evangelical preaching fathers. She readily offered that there are “good Catholic people” and I agreed that there were one or two. She asked about how I felt being celibate and whatnot (I LOVE this! Would you ever think to a ask a random stranger how they like being married?) As it turns out however, her oldest grandchild strongly desires to become a Catholic priest. So we talked about the implications and I assured her that if God were truly calling him to this, it would be what would make him happy. She showed me his picture and I promised to say a prayer for him (maybe you could too.)

All made possible by a black band with a white block on it. Would that have happened with a polo shirt and pair of jeans. Maybe, but maybe not as likely.

FRIDAY POTPOURRI: WHY DOESN'T THIS THING WORK THE WAY I WANT IT TO?

Devotions are notoriously misunderstood, especially those that come with promises. “Do this and your prayers will be answered.” Or “Do this and you will get into heaven.” Particularly to Protestants and devotional shy Catholics this can sound heretical.

That is because they can be.

They cross the line when we think that they have some sort of magical power over God and if we do certain things we can control God. “All I have to do is say this prayer and leave copies of it in the Church for five consecutive days and then God will make sure I get my rent money.” We cannot cause God to jump through hoops no matter what we do.

On the other hand he does say, “Truly, truly, I say to you, if you ask the Father for anything in My name, He will give it to you,” and, “Ask and you shall receive.” So a few questions must be asked. To begin is what is being petitioned to God an actual prayer or is it a wish? Is what is being asked something that pertains to the kingdom of God or more something that you would really like? If I find a “devotion” that says, “pray this prayer and God will give you whatever you ask as long as you are sincere,” and pray for a full head of thick, luxurious hair, I bet it doesn’t happen no matter how sincere I am.

Another question to ponder concerns God’s power. Does the petition concern things God does not interfere with such as free will. Just because I want someone I love to become a good, practicing Catholic does not mean that if they are determined not to become so God will take away their free will to choose the devil over him.

Also, promises of devotions come with LOTS O’ strings attached to them. Does your devotion promise heaven? Even a scapular will not get you into heaven should you be so lucky enough to die with one on. It is not a lucky charm. It is a charge to live a certain life. It is a reminder and assumes that you do your best to stay in a state of grace, practice the sacraments, grow in love, say your prayers, and fulfill the requirements of the devotion etc. etc. etc. If I die in a gun shoot out as a robber in a bank I can’t rest easy because I got my scapular on.

And it must be kept in mind that simply because a prayer was not answered in the way that you wanted it to be does not mean that it was not answered. “What father gives his son a snake when he asks for a fish?” God can only give us what is actually good for us. We may think we know what is best but we might not know the inside scoop.

When I was in grade school our teacher taught the young girls in the class to pray to Saint Ann in order to find a husband. “Ann, Ann, find me a man!” “But,” she warned, “If you ask, you have to take whoever she sends you!” Unlike a friend who may give you want you want in order to remain your friend, God will give you what you need. And what you or someone else needs may be painful.

Hence the line, “Be careful what you pray for – you just might get it.”

HAPPY SAINT SEBASTIAN DAY

The story of Saint Sebastian (patron of my parish and whose feast day it is) is a great story. You can read more about it here if you wish. But the best part of the story was his clinging to Christ and His teachings despite social pressure not to. The emperor Diocletian would have just been the tip of the iceberg though that was quite enough to get you killed alone. Imagine the social pressure among his fellow soldiers, among the citizenry and clergy who wielded power in his day and would apply pressure to try to get everyone to conform to the present day social norms. At work, about town, probably even among his acquaintances there would always be the constant threat to His love of God and the Eucharist save for that bit of time he had with like minded persons in prayer and sacrament. Yet through it all he stood as a strong and sure peg in a storm.

He is a model not only for us but for the Church in general – particularly in this country. Go back five hundred years and the Christian world (consisting almost entirely of Catholics and Orthodox) would have been in agreement on social and doctrinal issues to the greatest extent. Today, sadly, the Christian Church is divided more than ever. In 2002, 82% of persons in the United States declared themselves Christian. Approximately 24% of all Christians in the U.S. consider themselves Catholic. 76% of that number consider themselves Protestant or that part of the Christian world that is not Catholic. It is difficult to say how many Protestant denominations there are because some Protestants do not consider themselves a denomination and many ecclesial communities come and go on a regular basis. That being said there are approximately 217 denominations but somewhere between 300,000 and 600,000 church communities.

Keeping that in mind, in 1930 the Anglican community divided from the commonly held belief that contraception was a sin for married couples to use. Since that time the Catholic Church has come to stand virtually alone in U.S. concerning the combined topics of contraceptives, abortion, premarital sex, the indissolubility of marriage, masturbation, marriage between one man and one woman, and the dignity of every single human being. ALONE! Like St. Sebastian it matters not what the government says, what our entertainment world says, what our friends (other Christian ecclesial communities) say, what today’s experts say, the Church, and she alone stands alone with truth not caring what arrows are thrust at her. Why? Because she believes that it is true and best for all her people spiritually, mentally, and physically, and will not tell you otherwise because that is what you may want to hear.

Someone once said, “Why do dissenters stay in the Church? That is a mystery. It is also why you need a pope and a teaching magisterium.” When the waves of public opinion, the winds of change, the storm of controversy hit she stands firm on her rock foundation with the teachings that have been hers for 2000 years – hers alone – and though her standard is perhaps a bit frayed at the edges, the colors remain true and like St. Sebastian she will stand firm even through the threat of barbed arrows.

THE SMALL UNIVERSE

There was much speculation over a question asked early on in the life of the Church concerning how one could know the true Church when one found it. This was the birth of the Four Marks of the True Church. You know them already. You say them every week in the Creed: “We believe in one, holy, catholic (or universal), and apostolic Church.”

Catholicity and unity are interesting aspects. In part it means to be Catholic is to be Catholic. You are never a visitor at a Catholic Mass. That is why it is patently inappropriate for the priest to ask visitors to “stand up and be welcomed by the community” just prior to Mass starting. You are not a member of a local branch church, you are the universal Church and at home at Mass, not a location. The Church is northern hemisphere and southern, it is poor and it is rich, it speaks all languages, sees all horizons, embraces all cultures. It did so yesterday, it did so today, and it will do so tomorrow. And even if Saint Ewe-no-hoo closed tomorrow in your neighborhood, the Church would not close, it would still flourish in you and in the form that you know it though perhaps not the way it once did at that exact spot.

So in the paper a couple of days ago it was announced that a megachurch was opening close to our neighborhood. There is much excitement in that ecclesial community about their expansion into Akron. “We have become a multicultural church, one in multiple locations . . .” This branch, according to an article in the Akron Beacon Journal, is an effort on their part toward an “overall goal to become more diverse.”

I will admit that being a lifelong Catholic this type of thinking confuses me a bit. It is not so much reinventing the wheel as it is reinventing roundness but making it less encompassing. Diversity and multiculturalism is a great goal but is what is preached on Market Street going to be a unified message to what is preached in the slums of China or among the fashionable in the Riviera? If you were moved by your company would you still have a home in Kentucky or would a new search need to begin?

This may sound biting but it speaks to Christ’s message: “That they may all be one.” On the one hand it may sound noble to take my one location church and expand it so that it is more encompassing but it is an encompassing of an incredibly small universe. It may include minorities, languages, sexes, and world views, but only as they exist in the present in the Greater Cleveland area.

I do envy them the excitement they must be feeling at the moment and how wonderful it must feel to see, in some sense, God’s Word spreading. There is attractiveness in the new. It certainly sells. But will it be Christ yesterday, today, and tomorrow? Christ in Whom there is no east or west? Will it be one, holy, catholic, and apostolic? Or is it Christ sufficient for a day?

TUESDAY QUOTE OF THE WEEK CLXLCVIII

FINDING TRUTH WHEREVER IT MAY BE FOUND: “One had to be patient to thrive in Rome, where time is measured not in centuries but in millennia, where patience and the long view have always distinguished political life.” from Mary Doria Russell’s, “The Sparrow”

QUOTE II: “There is a special place in the lower edges of Purgatory for priests who make up the canon – who think, “I can improve on 2000 years of traditions off the cuff.” Fr. Groeschel CFR

IN OTHER NEWS:

This came in: "This is Martin from John Paul the Great Catholic University. JP Catholic will be hosting their first Biblical Theology webinar with Dr. Michael Barber on January 28th at 4pm (pacific). Dr. Barber will speak about how the second Luminous Mystery of the Rosary, the Wedding at Cana, reveals the New Creation." You can find more information here.

The Diocese of Cleveland Enewsletter reports, "The annual Youth Rally for Life will take place at noon on Friday, January 21, 2011 on Cleveland's Public Square at Superior Avenue & Ontario Street. This event is sponsored by Cleveland Right to Life. Students or young people 26 or younger are encouraged to let your Pro Life voice be heard on January 21. Teachers are encouraged to allow their students to attend and participate in this life changing rally." Read more here.





Sorry so short today! God bless!

MONDAY DIARY: THE CONTINUING JOURNEY TOWARD BECOMING THE NEXT GENERATION

The following story is true. Only initials were used to protect clerics of minor age.

About a month ago one of our beloved bishops came St. Sebastian to celebrate a baptism for a family member. As part of the ceremony he took the baby over to the altar and held the newest member of the Church over it as a sort of presentation to God.

After the baptism he came over to the rectory for coffe (one of us had milk) and the following conversation took place. This is as close as I can remember it:

FRIDAY PORPOURRI: I SECOND THAT DEVOTION

Let’s go in a different direction for a spell – I tire of crosses. Perhaps we will come back some day.

Let’s do devotions for a little while.

Devotions have always been an important part of the Catholic experience though there are different levels at which people like to be involved. There are, of course, those who reject them out of hand and say that Vatican II freed us from devotions and then there are those who take them to such an extreme as to misuse and abuse them.

Vatican II in fact warmly commends devotions while trying to reign in some of the abuses. There are 5 principals to keep in mind when looking at a devotion of any sort.

1. All devotions flow through Christ to the Father in the power of the Holy Spirit. So a devotion to Mary is to ask her to intercede for us with her son to the Father in the power of the Holy Spirit.
2. A true Catholic devotion is at least aware of the greater Church. It is never “me and Jesus.”
3. It should always include Scripture in some way.
4. It should flow from the sacramental life of the Church.
5. It should relate in some way to the liturgical calendar of the Church.

Lastly, when devotional objects are used (medals, candles, holy water, etc. . .) the objects themselves are not what is important per se, but what is behind the object and gives it its meaning. So a scapular is not itself a talisman that protects you from anything – it is the prayers of the community and the intercession of the Blessed Virgin that is.

I'M GOING TO CALL YOUR MOTHER

I grew up in a small city we were either related or knew most of the people in town. It was like the Kennedy Compound writ large and without any of the extravagance. It made getting into trouble very difficult. One day getting off of the school bus I ran out into the street or some stupid thing after which there was a short two block walk home. Mom was at the sink washing lettuce for dinner. “Do you have something to tell me?” she asked.

“No,” came the innocent sounding response.

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t think so.”

“What if I told you I got four phone calls since you got off the bus?”

“OH! THAT . . .”

This is one of the reasons I became a priest. It would be impossible for me to get away with anything anyway.

Sometimes it was hard living in such a close knit community, but it kept a lot of us out of a lot of trouble. (Side note – if you were not getting into any trouble it was actually kind of nice. Anybody see any correlation between those orders that welcomed the Vatican visitation and those that scorned it? But I digress . . .)

It was pointed out recently that most of our community safeguards are gone. We are more and more on our own. “Official” safeguards are all but useless. What word can’t you hear on television or what body parts can’t you see being used in graphic ways? The answers to both questions can be counted on the fingers of one hand. Neighborhoods are more fractioned. Way too often people do not know their neighbors let alone well enough to call and say, “I saw you child kicking Mrs. Longbottom’s trashcan.”

From the extreme of children being spanked at school and coming home and being spanked again because you did something that made a teacher spank you, we seem to be at the opposite end wherein if my kid did anything wrong, it is YOUR fault.

But even as adults we are more inclined to speak poorly about someone with poor taste than about their lax morals, a foul mouth, unfounded criticism of the faith, the watching of movies and television programs that are not very edifying to the soul – and if one does speak up they are labeled as condemnatory, strange, or prudish.

The safeguards are, in large part, gone. Being Christian, and I might add especially being Catholic, can no longer be done on autopilot. It takes the development of all the gifts of your confirmation – working them out as you do your muscles, to be Christian. You are needed to actively live your faith. You are needed to be a symbol – a sign post of the faith that others might notice and find hope for being a person of faith. This is what is needed – the replowing of the fields until the tide of faith rises once again and societal safeguards make it easier for us to live the faith as community.

PREIST BLOG INC.

Of all the trends that the Catholic Church has successfully fought off is the recent trend in how things name themselves. When I was growing business took on personal names. We went to Bodner’s Drug Store to get candy, or bandages, or (yes I’m this old) to go to the tube testing machine. We knew the Bonders. Mrs. Bonder was the pharmacist. The Bonder twins led the local high school to a basketball state championship.

The Herwicks had the local flower shop. The Wiegand Family owned the Wiegand Furniture Store. Momchilov’s Meat Market and Al’s Meat Market were owned by respectively by the Momcholiv family and by a guy named Al. And while there was nobody named Marshall that owned Marshall’s Dry Goods, there was a local family that owned it that gave it a name that at least appeared knowable. (The building had been previously owned by someone with a name beginning with the letter W which was etched into the windows and when they took it over they turned the windows upside down a simply picked the name Marshall to go along with the “M” that was created.)

There seems to be a trend nowadays to make names of business seem as corporate and cold as possible. (Or is it just me?) I’ve had the same bank since I opened my first account back when Shep was a pup but the bank has changed names and locations at least four times. The time before last it became Society Saving Bank. I rather liked that. It sounded classy and having something to do with human beings. “Where do you keep you money?” “Oh, I keep my money at Society.” Sounds nice doesn’t it?

Now the bank that in every other way I am relatively happy with is called Key Corp. The sound grates on the ear. No longer a “saving bank” it is a corporation that can’t even bother saying the whole word. The name sounds dark, metallic, and rather authoritarian. (If that is what they are trying to put forth – bravo.)

But even they are not as bad is the recent spate of entities that wish to be known only by initials. I like shopping at the Revco which has been replaced with the cold CVS. Ma Bell and all the baby bells are now AT&T.

Not all initials are bad. But USA is often softened by the preface, “Good ole . . .” Sometimes it is a note of affection. In my hometown Saints Cyril and Methodius Parish (a mouthful of syllables) was known as Sts. C & M. It was a nickname rather than an official name such as calling Saint Joseph Parish, “Saint Joe’s.”

By and large the Catholic Church has refrained from becoming such things as, “The Route 3 Church of God,” or “SSCC INC.” We connect our names to real people – saints – with whom we develop a relationship. Saint Sebastian and I have become great friends over the past few years. I learn more about him and try to grow in his courage and faith, something I wouldn’t quite get from a few initials and an incorporation abbreviation. There is a life, a face, a personality, a person, a saint, a connection behind (most) of our names. And that is good. Like going to the old time drug store, I have a special connection with those whose name is over the door.

TUESDAY QUOTE OF THE WEEK CLXLCVII

FINDING TRUTH WHEREVER IT MAY BE FOUND: “Your thoughts are as loud in heaven as they are in your head.” Mrs. Fulton

QUOTE II: “There is nothing worse than an enemy with imagination.” from Sharon Kay Penman’s, “Time and Chance.”

IN OTHER NEWS:

Russ sent this Steve Martin comedy sketch in about atheists not having music. Funny. Thanks Russ.



Ken sent in a website he just finished and he is looking for some input - or just some friendly readers. I had a chance to glance at it for a few mintues but that was about it. If you would like to check our Faith and Common Sense go here. Thanks Ken.

Think that you are only one person and can't make much of a difference in this world? Check out this three minute video sent in by CK. Thanks!


The Diocese of Cleveland Enewsletter asks if you realized that 21 bishops are up to retire in the Unites States this year? "Five U.S. cardinals and 16 other U.S. bishops could retire because of age this year. There are 12 active U.S. bishops, including three cardinals, who have already turned 75. Two cardinals and seven other bishops will celebrate their 75th birthday in 2011. At age 75, bishops are requested to submit their resignation to the pope." Read more here.

Here is great video on Theology of the Body that I so stole in part for a presentation to our confirmandi last night.

MONDAY DIARY: IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU AND I HAD TO STAY HOME AND HELP PA WITH THE FARM

This past week I was on retreat. Just as I was getting ready to leave New York (where I was on retreat) was hit by a terrible snow storm. Driving was hazardous – the snow was coming down so hard I could not see very far and braking was at best difficult. So that added two hours to the trip home which meant I didn’t make it home for confessions or to see the staff before they knocked off for the day. (In fact I almost called my parochial vicar to say that I was just going to stay in New York for another day until the storm blew over. It would have been the wise thing to do.) That being the case the house was pretty quiet when I got home – much preferred to the kasseri that it usually is. The usual conversation is, “Oh! Welcome home! How was the retreat? I know you just walked in the door but . . .” A drawback of living in a house where you work. As it was there was just Sebastian there to greet me, wagging his tail and crying and saying, “I know you just got home but . . . I really need to go for a walk.”

This retreat was pretty special. The other priests that were supposed to be there had to cancel and so I had the house and the retreat master to myself. The town was still pretty bustling though, unusual in winter, but so close to the holidays that nobody had taken off yet. So as I went on a daily constitutional I would walk around and when passing someone would say, “Hello,” and at best the other would glance up and give a flash of smile – you could miss it if you blinked – and then return to the downcast, serious look.

At first I was a little offended by this. When my family came in from Slovenija to visit Ohio they would ask, “Why is everyone smiling and saying hello to us?” I would respond, “That’s just the Midwest.” I’m rather proud to live in a place like that I would admit.

A digression: I was traveling in Zimbabwe and as we drove through the poorest of the poor stretches of the country people would stop whatever it was they were doing, stand, wave, and smile at our van. When we headed back into the city, particularly Harare, we would still be waving and smiling and the city wise people would stare at us suspiciously.

It occurs to me that one of the best lessons that I learned on this retreat (and there were many wonderful things) was that I was a stranger in somebody else’s territory. I was judging a New Yorker by Ohio standards and was feeling rather condemnatory. It was not that there wasn’t pleasant, faith filled people there, it was that they did not snap to attention, smile, and offer a, “Good morning to you too,” when I thought they should. Hence one of my favorite quotes, “More offense is brought into the world by people taking it than by it actually being offered.”

This is a lesson I need to learn over and over and over: It is not about how I want other people to act, it is about the person that I am supposed to be. (In this particular place perhaps I was the rude one breaking in on other's solitary walks.) I can preach that – but boy is hard to live it.

JACK BE QUICK

Give a quick and honest reply – what is the FIRST thing that comes into your mind when you hear the following question:

What are the priorities in your life?

Was number one – far above all others – “To get myself into heaven.”

Was number two, “Two get those I love, especially those for whom I am responsible into heaven.”

If not it is time to stop and prioritize.

Recently a gentleman came up to me and asked, “What are your priorities for the parish?”

I said with no hesitancy, “The brick parking lot!”

He looked a little distressed and asked, “Really? Nothing spiritual?”

I covered well. “Oh! Spiritual! In that case . . .” But I already knew that a retreat was in order.

I know, I know, you don’t have time for a retreat and can’t find a spiritual director and your stack of spiritual books are collecting dust for want of time and motivation to sit down with them during some quality time.

But stop today. Just for 5 minutes, especially if you can get to a church and sit – just for five minutes before the Blessed Sacrament. Are you becoming what you hoped you would become when you took vows – became a parent – took that job – started that ministry – began this friendship – engaged this project – set aside that time – or has your brick parking lot (as important as it is – and it is) sliding into the number one spot? Are you loving first what should be first even if the issues are not as pressing? How does that manifest itself? Would others know it? If it does, great, today you had 5 minutes of self affirmation. If not – RETREAT from what you are doing, regroup, realign – refocus – and then step back into the business of life with your priorities straight.

I'VE GOT THE WHOLE WORLD IN MY HANDS (COME ON - SING ALONG!)

You will have to forgive me. I'm on retreat. This happens when I am on retreat.

I

It is one of the mysteries of being that the inside of the human heart is much larger than the outside. The heart can easily be held in the palm of your hand, but inside is the vastness of love, the caverns of hope, the depths of wisdom, the hallways of God.

Even more incredible is the Eucharist. The Blessed Sacrament itself can be held on the tip of your tongue or in the hollow of your hand. But within is the vastness of God.

II

God did not create the universe –

- and then walk away only to return when we cry out for help.

Rather God continually makes the universe. Or perhaps a better way to figure it is that He holds the universe in being much like we keep an image present in our thoughts. Therefore everything that is participates in God and is therefore good.

All that is in the universe was made through the Word and nothing that is, seen and unseen, was made apart from Him. All that is, is NOT God and NOT worthy of worship, but it is all contained within God - all participating in God.

As a priest when you concelebrate Mass you typically receive Our Lord in the hand, receiving Him after the main celebrant. So you have a few moments to contemplate Him resting on your palm. This is Jesus the bridegroom through Whom all things are made and in Whom all that is, is somehow contained. In that mysterious way then, isn’t it an ironic bending of reality that the whole universe is held in your hand? That within the tiny tabernacle on the altar is contained the whole of the universe including the very tabernacle that contains it? Within the Eucharist is the entire breadth, and width, and height of God and every corner of the cosmos. And weak as I am I lift the Blessed Sacrament with my hand and bring Him within myself by His very invitation and power.

What god is there as generous as our God? He is no sparce giver. He is both love and lover and too excess. That is why the Eucharist seems like hyperbole. But that is what love does – it gives to excess.

TUESDAY QUOTE OF THE WEEK CLXLCVI

FINDING TRUTH WHEREVER IT MAY BE FOUND: “The Eucharist sounds like hyperbole. But that’s what love does, it gives to excess.” Fr. Benedict Groeschel CFR

QUOTE II: “You can go to confession and not put any money in a box, and you don’t have to buy the holy water.” ibid

IN OTHER NEWS:

I am on retreat this week at Trinity Retreat House in New York. Post may be late, sporadic, or just plain missing this week.

Attention doctors, nurses, social workers, priests, deacons, religious, chaplains, pastoral care educators, and hospice, nursing home, and hospital management and staff, there will be five workshops in Bioethics in Clinical Care for BUSY HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONALS on Wednesdays, February 16th through March 23rd at the Center for Pastoral Leadership, 28700 Euclid Avenue, Wickliffe, OH 44092. “Workshops . . . Dinner . . . CMEs/CEUs provided . . . Case Studies . . . Updates . . . Best Practices.” The presenter is Dr. Andrew Trew, Cleveland Clinic IRB and professor of Bioethics at St. Mary Seminary. To register or for more information call (440) 943-7474.

Here are two versions of almost the same view from Snyder Park. I recognize the dog but don't know who the bald guy is. Thanks Allan and Karen.

Here's exciting news! Our Holy Father has appointed a priest of the Diocese of Cleveland, Neal Buckon, as Auxiliary Bishop of the Archdiocese for Military Service assigning him the Titular See of Vissalsa. (The arch bishop is also from Cleveland!) I can say I remember when . . . for we were in the seminary at the same time. He would occasionally come down to my room with a fellow seminarian who played the guitar and we would have a bottle of wine (allowed in those days) and sing - his favorite song being, "Waltzing Matilda" which informed me was a backpack. CONGRATULATIONS NEAL.

Need a heart warmer? Russ sent this video in. Thanks again Russ.

The Diocese of Cleveland Enewsletter reports, "With the calendar year coming to a close, the time has come to remember the voyage of 2010 for the Church. Benedict XVI has faced his share of troubles, but has endured daunting challenges with remarkable resiliency. He enters the new year perhaps all the stronger for his battles. Here's a look back at 2010." Read more here.

Fr. D. wrote in: "Not sure if you know much about Mark Wahlberg or not, but, he's a former pop star turned actor who used to go by the name "Marky Mark" back in the early 90's. He fell away from his faith for a while, but recently has made his way back to the Church - I've even read that he's a daily Mass goer. Anyway, the best baby names of celebrity children was published recently, and Mark Wahlberg's daughter's name was voted #1. Her name will bring a smile to your face. Check it out."

MONDAY DIARY: FEELING BITTER

Fr. Pfeiffer’s four o’clock Christmas homily (which he did admirably) mentioned Sebastian (my dog) and I thought it would be nice to be outside at the end of Mass with Sebastian to wish people a Merry Christmas. Then I looked at his leg. He had a bloody spot on it that I have been fighting for a spell and thought better of it. It was not a nice sight.

I tried everything that the internet suggested to do to get him to stop licking this sore and last week I finally threw in the towel and went to the vet. We went through the list of things to try to which I would answer, “Tried it. Tried it. Tried it.”

“There is only one thing left to do,” he said.

“What’s that doctor?”

And in an ominous voice he said, “The Cone of Shame.”

One thing people always said about Sebastian is that he is a noble looking dog. I think he knows it. Even when he relieves himself we have come to say, “N. P.” otherwise known as “noble pee.” He just looks noble no matter what he is doing. So you can give the cone any name you want, dress it up and call it an Elizabethan Collar “I barkest at thee” but it is without a doubt the Cone of Shame and he would be completely humiliated.

We went to the pet store together for him to be fitted. He looked like he was having the time of his life but that is because he has no idea about what is coming. Then the store manager said, “Wait. Before you resort to that, try this spray. It is the worst tasting stuff in the world and it just might work before you resort to the cone.”

“We tried all the sprays. They worked in the past but they are not working this time. First we tried hot sauce and now he begs me for it. Then we tried bitter apple he just laughs at me.”

“Just try this,” he said with a knowing wink. I wonder if he got a commission off the $9 bottle I bought.

This is how I know how the stuff works. We went to the farm on my day away and took off for a long walk in the woods. He ran with reckless abandon and by the time we were heading across the last field back to the barn there were blood marks in the snow from the sore on his leg.

In the barn my farmer friend and I put antibiotics on Sebastian’s leg, bandaged it, and then sprayed it with the stuff I got from the pet store. The problem was that I did not make sure that the spray hole was pointed AWAY from me and TOWARD Sebastian. I hit myself squarely in the mouth. School lunches, boy scout camping meals, seminary cooking, even my own cooking did not prepare me for how bad something could taste. After I screamed I went around saying, “Blah, blah, blah,” and rubbing my mouth with snow.

I finally got it mostly under control, got into my car to go to my sister’s house. But they don’t call mustaches “flavor catchers” for nothing. Driving down the highway some of it would make its way back to my lips again and I would try to spit and wipe it off with the T-shirt I was wearing. That stuff is as hard to get off of your skin as it is to scrub ugly off of an ape.

Almost to my sister’s house it was mostly under control until I wiped my mouth with my sleeve. BIG mistake. Apparently I got it on my shirt sleeve too thereby reapplying the awful tasting stuff to my lips. I ran into the house (I don’t know how Sebastian made it in) and put straight liquid soap on my mouth, scrubbed, and rinsed over and over and over. Everything went into the wash and I took a shower.

My sister came home and we went out to eat. I insisted on Chinese food. We went and I ordered General Tso’s Chicken “as hot as you can possibly make it with hotter sauce on the side.” Anything to kill the taste.

Half way through dinner (which was working by the way) I got a call on my cell. It was my friend at the farm. “Wow!” he said, “That stuff you sprayed on the dog really works!”

“How do you know?” I asked.

“We were having soup for dinner and I licked my fingers afterwards and some of that stuff must have made it onto my fingers! I’ve been blahing around for two hours!”

All I can say is that this better work.

N. B. I am away on retreat this week. I may or may not post. We shall see!