HAVE YOU HAD YOUR PROSTRATE CHECKED LATELY?

With current awareness of certain male problems coming to the fore it seems to cause people to substitute the word prostate for prostrate about 50% of the time as in, “during the Litany of the Saints the priest candidates will lie prostate.” Exactly how that would be done I care not to imagine.

Prostration is a rare bird in the Church but still used. Primarily it is used at the beginning of services on Good Friday and as mentioned above during the ordination rite. Some religious orders still use this posture during the taking on of vows. The candidate would lie down before the sanctuary and a funeral pall would be laid over him showing his death to his former life and the taking on of a new way of living.

Prostration (the laying down completely on the floor, face down) is a sign of ultimate gesture of abandonment of self, submissiveness, and of complete worship. The double genuflection mentioned in an earlier post is actually a form of prostration. It is a kin to the nod of the head being a bow.

WITH THIS RING I THINK I CAN THEE WED

Today’s post is prompted by a series of questions that have been popping up as of late so here is some information you might want to be able to share with other people. It concerns who may be married in a Catholic Church.

Obviously, two Catholics may be married in a Catholic Church.

A priest’s marriage license reads (at least in the Great State of Ohio) that he may conduct marriages according to the laws of the Roman Catholic Church (which I wonder if that would legally preclude same sex marriage services since it is ecclesially against the law.) That being said, neither legally nor ecclesially may he perform a marriage between two non-Catholics.

A Catholic may marry a non-Catholic in a Catholic ceremony. The non-Catholic party does not have to become Catholic. The Catholic party will have to say that the reason they want a Catholic wedding is that they intend on living the Catholic life and that they will do “what is in their power” to bring their kids up Catholic.

A Catholic may marry a non-Catholic in a non-Catholic ceremony AS LONG AS THEY HAVE RECEIVED A DISPENSATION FROM THE CHURCH. In this way, the marriage will be recognized in the Catholic Church. If this is not done it causes ALL KINDS of problems down the line. Just make sure you get it early. You will not be able to be a Godparent, or confirmation sponsor, or receive any sacraments until your marriage is recognized in the Church.

It does not matter what kind of previous marriages there were before, ANY PARTY THAT WAS PREVIOUSLY MARRIED TO ANOTHER PERSON IN ANY FASHION MUST OBTAIN AN ANNULMENT (or present a death certificate if that is the case.) Yes, this includes a Catholic whose marriage was not recognized in the Church, or a non-Catholic who was married to a non-Catholic in any kind of ceremony, or even a marriage that only lasted an incredibly short while and was annulled by the state.

MAJOR PROBLEMS WITH MAJOR CONSEQENCES

I find it rather humorous that the Cleveland firefighter’s band is receiving the same criticism as the Catholic Church in the brouhaha over their disciplining of their drum major who broke the rules of the band during the inaugural parade in Washington D.C. (If you didn’t catch the story, here it is.) It seems a silly thing to get ones shorts in a bunch over (and many people have) but I am going to weigh in just the same. No, I do not feel particularly sorry for the man who later quit in a huff. Nobody forces anyone to be a drum major. And if you decide that you want to be the drum major for a particular band, you follow their rules. If you do not want to live by those rules, then maybe you are not really called to be a drum major – at least for this band. (He had the right to break the rules and hte had the right to discipline.) People who do not get this have no idea what it is to be in a military band.

That being said, nobody forces the priest to be celibate. The Church is not cruel in forcing its priests not to marry. Rather, if a man believes in the Catholic Church and if he feels that the celibate lifestyle would be the best way by which he might cultivate his soul toward God and help others do the same, then it asks him to consider the priesthood. Nobody forces anyone to be a celibate priest. And if you decide that you want to be a priest for this Church, you follow the rules. If you do not want to live by those rules, then maybe you are not really called to be a priest – at least of this Church (Eastern and converted priests aside.)

The point is that there is not a right (by anyone) to be a priest or a drum major no matter how deeply you feel called to it or how many protesters you can drum up (pun intended) to back you. It is a calling by the Church (in the case of priests) or by the band. Is marriage bad? No. It can and has and does work alongside priestly ministry. Is winking and waving at the president bad? No. Millions of people do it every day and we get by. Both rules could be changed. But for now they are not and until they are we agree to live by it or find another way to express that which we feel called to do.

TUESDAY QUOTE OF THE WEEK CI

FINDING TRUTH WHEREVER IT MAY BE FOUND: "We see as a distinguishing mark of Christians the fact that they have a future: It is not that they know the details of what awaits them, but they know in general terms that their life will not end in emptiness. Only when the future is certain as a positive reality does it become possible to live in the present as well." Pope Benedict Spe Salvi

QUOTE II: "They believe that all the evil results of human crime are the results of the system that has called it crime. They do not believe that the crime creates the punishment. They believe that the punishment has created the crime." G.K. Chesterton, "The Man Who Was Thursday"

IN OTHER NEWS:

This is from Fr. F: "I wanted to bring your attention to an article published on US CATHOLIC's website this week on NFP. I give the editors credit for running such a well-written article on NFP, but you will see by the way they formulated the survey questions following the article that the editors seems to be looking for certain answers that make NFP seem antiquated and out-of-touch. I thought that you might want to alert your readers to this piece and encourage them to respond to the survey. Such action might open the eyes of the editors at US CATHOLIC, as well as their paper-edition readers." Thanks for the heads up Fr. F! Here is the article. Have at it readers!

Hey! It's almost 50 degrees outside! A perfect day for a winter Catholic Carnival!

READERS! Your assistance is requested! A reader wants to know where one might find a good place to go for women's retreats. What is desired is something solidly orthodox with no dancing, reiki, or mazes. A place in northeast Ohio would be grand but if you know of something elsewhere please leave a comment. Thanks.

Thank you for not correcting my mistakes with Roman numerals. How embarrasing.

The Diocese of Cleveland Enewsletter reports, "The Secret Life of Bees, The Visitor and Wall-E stand among 2008 movies on the top ten list of the Office for Film and Broadcasting (OFB) of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB)." Read more here.

You might be aware of Christian Bale's tirade against the director of photography in his latest movie. I find this so incredibly sad. When did we lose the ability to do this well? His curse laden diatribe is a disgrace to the English Language. You would think that an actor who must love words so well would at least make his abuse of another human being without abusing the language by which he makes his living. Absolutely disgraceful.

This is the proper way to degrade someone by a couple of our best crafters of the English language and it is said without having to use the same four letter words over and over again.

Courtesy of Chesterton, "You great fat, blasted, blear-eyed, blundering, thundering, brainless, God-forsaken, dodderng damned fool! . . . You great, silly, pink faced, tow-headed turnip!"

Courtesy of Shakespeare, ". . .that trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly . . ."

So that you, dear reader, may never be caught in the embarrassing situation in which Mr. Bale found himself, here is a link to the Shakespeare insult generator. Use it in good health and help save the English language from having to use the same three words over and over again.

EEP OP ORK AH-AH! ADAM'S ALE IS TWO YEARS OLD TODAY (THAT'S 14 IN COMPUTER YEARS)

As of today there have been 105,896 visits and 164,100 page views and 677 posts for these two years. I hope you have enjoyed reading. God bless you and keep spreading the faith!

MONDAY DIARY - THE HE-MAN PRIEST ONLY CLUB

About ten years ago I was invited with another priest friend to a rather swank reception. Someone had the horrendous idea to have assigned seating (something that should only be done by the most seasoned of professionals) and so we were two priests separated from people we knew and loved and forced to sit with three couples who were the best of friends but, for whatever reason, had not seen each other since high school. They had a lot of catching up to do. A lot. A whole lot. Before the cake was cut we knew how dilated each woman was with her first child and how to control your husband after he has just tarred the driveway.

Glancing over at my comrade in arms he gave that ever so slight crinkling of the eyebrows that signaled, “Help!” and so I glanced at my watch and exclaimed, “Oh my! Look at the time! We’ve got to get back to the parish!” I wonder if they even noticed if we were gone.

I met three leaders of congregations this week. Two were married and one was a visiting priest. Now that I sit back and reflect on the conversations I laugh at how different each one was. One was non-Christian and we talked much about his family and how the particular congregations that he has served effected his family. (That was interesting in and of itself. I often think of the effect of a minister’s family on a parish, not the other way around. Guess there can be lots O’ stress.) The second was a non-Catholic clergyman and our conversation came much closer to that which I would have with fellow celibate priests but still much of the conversation was about family issues and how it effects ministry.

Then I met an out of town priest. Our conversation was typical of that which I have when meeting another priest. I suppose it would be equivalent to normal conversations of, “What do you do for a living.” It was more along the lines of, “So what is your ministry? How did you end up there? What is your vacation story?” And then from there it went on to topics that I am sure would be as fascinating to the three couples mentioned above as theirs was to us.

There is no value judgment here, just something interesting enough to mention. However it may give insight as to the reason that sometimes priests want to relax with other priests. It is not that they (necessarily) are cliquish or secretive; it is simply that there are things that only another priest would be interested in or that it would be appropriate to talk about. This is especially true in these days when more and more rectories are lucky to have one priest let alone three or four. Priestly community is important as fellowship is for any given group of people. It is not absolutely necessary but it does make life a lot easier. That is not to say that a priest does not cherish being with other people and talking about what is important to them. It is, simply, from time to time, a treat that is becoming more and more rare (until there is this great influx of seminarians that I am predicting will come soon and after ordination take care of me in my old age.)

CATHOLIC CALISTHENICS

I, for one, though I loved the architecture of the old movie houses, am very glad they build theaters with the seating going up steps now. This saves the practicing Catholic the incredible embarrassment of walking down the theater aisle and genuflecting to the screen before entering a row of seats. (I just realized I’ve never heard of anyone accidently bowing to the screen for whatever that is worth.)

The genuflection is an ancient tradition in the Church. According to the Catholic Encyclopedia it goes back to the time of John Cassian. In the early years of the Church there were not pews or chairs (with kneelers in them) and the people would genuflect at the consecration. Later this was elongated into the kneeling position that we have today.

Genuflecting, or the momentary lowering of one’s right knee to the ground, has many meanings from veneration, to penitence, supplication, honor, reverence, submission, and love (think of a man kneeling and proposing.) There are three times that a genuflection is called for. That would be during the two times the sacred species are elevated at the consecration and whenever passing before the presence of the Blessed Sacrament whether exposed or in the tabernacle. (One need not genuflect every time if vacuuming the sanctuary carpeting or some such thing however. Not that there should be carpeting in a sanctuary. But that’s just my opinion, not Church law.)

The double genuflection is no longer called though you are free to do it if you wish. I do on Tuesdays during exposition. The reason for this, as I understand it, is because a double genuflection is not required of the priest during the Mass so in order to be consistent it is not required of anyone outside the Mass. To do so is a private devotion.

I'LL GIVE YOU A TREAT IF YOU PROMISE TO LIKE ME

You might remember a post a little way back talking about how in cities certain people are gatekeepers. In a city where you are not inclined to stop just anyone and talk to them there are recognizable people that for certain reasons you would approach. Some of these are police officers, transit authorities, and gas station attendants though the last is becoming less popular as we automate stations and place bullet proof screens between us and the attendant should actually need to talk to them. Then there are, of course, priests and religious who where identifiable garb. They can be safe harbors for those in distress and need someone to talk to. This is why one rather well known Catholic thinker to commented that for those who are supposed to, “. . . it is unfair that they do not wear the collar.”

Another gatekeeper is a dog. (Like police or priests you have to be disposed to liking them first of course.) But it is amazing to see how hard people work to be liked by a dog. Even dogs that like to roll around in stuff like this:

Every trick in the book is used to win the beast over and make them his best friend. There are bribes such as treats (which he has had enough of for the next three months) and affection, baby talk, toys, promises of walks, and every other means of persuasion that you could imagine to win his undying admiration.
This made me think how little I sometimes try to win over someone who does not like me, does not mind me, or who annoys me. Why would I not work so hard with a person as I would with a dog? Of course, sometimes dogs seem more reasonable. A couple of tasty treats and all of a sudden they think you are the best thing since – well – an automated snack dispensing machine. It may take years of prayer and practice to win over an enemy – if ever. But perhaps God provided us with dogs in order to give us practice and patience to work on humans.

HENCE THERE ARE MARTYRS

Having a strong belief in God and being a good person does not mean everything is going to be Okay. At least in this life. Sometimes it is very not Okay. Very bad (or at least very annoying) things happen to very good people. It is not a sign of being abandoned by God nor is it a signal for us to abandon God. No matter how rough life might get, it’s better to get through it with God than without Him.

But whatever life may throw at you, no matter how incapacitated you are, how late you are, how disconnected you are there is always some way to please God. Even in our pain and anger there is some way to please God. There is always hope. There is always healing of some type. There is always the possibility salvation “where every tear will be wiped away. On that day we shall see You, our God, as You are. We shall become like You, and praise you forever in heaven.”

Hence even for those facing execution there us a way to please God and there is hope. We can please God by not becoming what we hate and praying for our persecutors. And we know that there is nothing that they can do to destroy us. Earthly death will simply hasten our immortality.

So even when things are not Okay and our hearts are weary, we can still have the flame of joy deep in our hearts and live on knowing that despite the fact that everything is not Okay, yes, they will be. Forever.

TUESDAY QUOTE OF THE WEEK XCX

FINDING TRUTH WHEREVER IT MAY BE FOUND: "Every Angel is frightening. Beauty is but the beginning of terror which we can just barely sustain, and we admire it so, because it serenely disdains to destroy us." Rilke

QUOTE II - "He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." - Unknown - H/t to Christine

IN OTHER NEWS:

Pat sent this article in. It is interesting not for the specific case it reports on but for the general observations it makes. Thanks Pat.

Jeff turned me on to this site for a few laughs. He is beginning his own site (LOLSaints) to try to bring some levity to the faith.

The Diocese of Cleveland Enewsletter gave this link to CNS report on the results of a Vatican visitation report of our seminaries.

This is the length we go to save money at the parish. We were on our way to a meeting with the city and decided to walk. On the way home we spotted this table. At this rate we will furnish the empty guest room in no time. I'm sure it was an interesting sight.

What a blessing has fallen upon our heads! Jay proclaims Catholic Carnival 209 officially open!

MONDAY DIARY - SNOW KIDDING

“A moment of peril is often also a moment for open hearted kindness and affection.” Scott - Ivenhoe

For those of you not in northeast Ohio, we have been walloped with snow like God over manufactured it and needed a place to warehouse it for the winter. Yes, there is much wailing and grinding of teeth. But there is also the greatest opportunity for charity and many Akronites taking advantage of those opportunities.

Wednesday, my supposed day away, the thermostat went on the fritz in heaven. Between that and God storing so much of His overstock snow here school was canceled. There was also a driving ban in this county. So like all good red-blooded Americans I went driving.
Well, that is not exactly true, I made someone else drive. Wednesday is my day to have breakfast out. I get something completely unhealthy and utterly satisfying. My priest friend that usually joins me was snowed in at his parish and so I grabbed T. who has a small SUV to get me to my breakfast sausage. On our way home there was a lady stuck in a drive to a dry-cleaning and Chinese food plaza. She wasn’t going anywhere and the snow was coming down like a punishment for anyone who did not pay attention to the snow ban. T. pulled over so that we could help. We did not make a lot of progress right away and probably it was my fault. There is not a lot of traction with dress shoes when it comes to pushing cars out of snow drifts.

But fear not, soon people were appearing from everywhere and soon we had a small army with an arsenal of shovels to come to the fair damsel’s assistance. (I did have to find out if the emergency drive was for or Chinese food. It was the Chinese food.) After she got out she was waved on lest she stop and get stuck again and everyone went their ways with smiles and waves – no tips – not thank yous – just the satisfaction of doing a good deed in a desperate situation.

This was not by any means the only wonderful occurrence in the city or even the most interesting. Just typical. And being typical we had the opportunity to show our best side. And that alone made the storm worth it.

We know we (meaning humanity) are capable of great things. In times like this we can even see sainthood possible in others.

FRIDAY FAIR - BOW WOW

When you are defying a person, one thing you might do is stand up as straight as possible and do your best to look down at the person. When paying respect or honoring, you stand erect as slouching shows some contempt or disregard. Standing erect means I am listening and ready to act as you wish. When giving deference we bow. The bow by an actor during the applause at the end of the play means, “Oh, no! Really, Thank YOU. You are too, too kind.” Curtseys and bows are still done in rare and incidents thought it equally rarely fails to charm. It is a physical gesture that shows how honored you are by the person’s presence before you. I think I am glad it is a rare thing. Unlike the word “love” it will not lose its meaning by over and frivolous use.

Catholics are called to bow to such honored personages and theological wonders, some by decree and some by tradition. A simple bow (in which the head is slightly inclined) is called particularly during formal liturgies whenever the Trinity is named, the name of Jesus is said, the Blessed Virgin, or the saint of the day. A bow is also our custom when approaching the Blessed Sacrament when receiving Him in communion, though some prefer the more profound bow. A profound bow (from the waist) is also called for during the Creed at the lines, “By the power of the Holy Spirit He was born of the Virgin Mary and became man.” This is such an awesome concept, one that should never cease to amaze us, and so we mark it by this solemn gesture. When the Creed is sung and on some certain occasions such as Christmas, the bow is replaced by a genuflection.

When there is no Blessed Sacrament in a church, or when the tabernacle just happens to be empty for some reason, instead of genuflecting before entering your pew, one should make a profound bow to the altar which is then the primary symbol of Christ in the church.

By custom rather than by regulation is the bowing of one’s head whenever a Catholic Church is passed. Within the doors of that honored edifice is the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Our Lord Jesus Christ. It is not only a sign of respect for Him it helps remind us of His presence there.

(Hi Pat. I talked to Frank today. Have a great one.)

I SAY, WHAT A CAPITOL FELLOW

God works in mysterious way. This summer found me alone at the Stratford Shakespeare Festival. A friend was suppose to accompany me but that week he was assigned to a new parish and it seemed rather cheeky to walk in and say, “Hi” to everyone followed by, “I’m leaving on vacation tomorrow.” Though it was nice to be alone for a change around the last day I was talking to God and saying that it would be swell to have someone to have dinner with one night but Oh well. As it turned out I received a parking ticket that day (I forgot to put a quarter in the meter – so it cost me $8) which meant that I was walking down the street to go to the courthouse when I would not normally do so. Sitting out at a sidewalk café was man in his clerics drinking a cup of coffee. It turns out he was from England and he had locked himself out of the rectory at which he was staying and so he decided to wait until the resident priest was going to return. He would not have been sitting out having coffee nor wearing his clerics otherwise. I gave him a greeting and as it turns out he too was traveling solo and wanted to go that evening to the very play for which I had an extra ticket owing to my friend not being there. Guardian angels must have been working overtime on that one.

After the show he invited me to dinner as a gesture of thanks. The food came rather quickly which prompted me to comment to the waiter, “Wow, that was quick.” He responded, “We don’t want to waste your time.”

Father Paul burst out laughing. “You Americans! You would never hear something like that in England. It is expected that meals are to be enjoyed at one’s leisure,” or something along those lines. This led to a discussion of other things that are different between our two countries. Perhaps the one I found most interesting was the way vocation promotion was handled in each of our dioceses. Fr. Paul was the director of vocations for his diocese. He was commenting on the clip from the Diocese of New York entitled, “Fishers of Men.” You can see it below if you’ve not seen it before.





It seems that they were rather undone about. “It seemed to us to somewhat incongruous with our notion of priesthood.” We Americans are attracted to the idea of the hero priest, willing to risk all to bring the sacraments to whomever may need them. The scene in the movie of the man racing to the scene of an accident to anoint the injured man simply does not speak to them. Of course my question was what then does speak to them. Their idea of priesthood, if I read him correctly, is a bit more genteel, more focus on presence and ministering to people quietly and intimately. Our two priesthoods together would make an interesting version of the “Odd Couple.”

Be that as it may he reports that their seminary is fairly healthy with seminarians. I am happy to report the same here in Cleveland. Maybe America just needs Fr. John Wayne.

“May Almighty God bless you pilgrim.”

It is a big Church.

WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT?

We have been studiously trying to be EC (ecclesially correct) when printing the name of our – er – parish. Instead of “Saint Sebastian Church” we have been using the more eccesially correct “Saint Sebastian Parish” or “Parish of Saint Sebastian.” This is because there is the “Christian Church” and there is the “Roman Catholic Church”, the Eastern Churches, and the local Churches or dioceses, but an individual parish is not a Church in and of itself. It is a Church under a bishop.

Now, being a good priest I usually smile and nod at such things and implement them with the thought that, well, there must be some good reason though it escapes me how this might keep someone in purgatory very long.

Then today, well, actually yesterday I was driving through a local University Campus. At one edge of the campus is a large (locally) well known Catholic church and at the other a very large and popular Protestant mega church. Sitting at a red light in front of the large building it struck me that here is a Church. This Church consists of this particular building and another campus some distance away. So in essence, if we are inclined to compare, this is Rome for them.

Now, I am willing to admit that for most other things I would praise this kind of enterprise. I don’t know what makes me sadder: that I can eat and shop in the exact same establishments in any city in the western world or that people do it. If I travel I want to experience being away and that means local foods and experiences. But I can go just about anywhere and eat at a McDonalds, shop at a Gap, and stay at a Quality Inn and know already what the interior is going to look like and that there will be a small pool and work out room. There’s adventure for you.

I don’t feel that way about faith, truth, and traffic laws. If I made a turn on red in Alabama I want to be able to do the same thing Idaho. And if truth is that the bread and wine become the Body and Blood in Ontario, it should be the same thing in Michigan.

So I started thinking about the college students who attended this Church and wondered what they did when they went home. Did they research to find another Church that teaches the same truth? Settle for one that was close? Figure a Church is a Church? Settle for less than?

What kind of questions does this bring up about Christ's promise about the Church and how his Holy Spirit would guide and keep it from error. There are many Churches out there teaching opposite things. They may not care but I feel for them. The research they must do to find truth among all the Churches, the decisions they must make, the searches they must endure when they move or when their particular Church changes its teaching!

Then the light turned green and I proceeded eventually passing the Catholic Church allowing me to be thankful that I have found and believe in the Bark of Peter, the Rock, the Church founded by Christ to stand firm for all ages, for all people, everywhere, and that if I go to Mass at a parish in Timbuktu or Harare it is the Mass, it is the Mass, it is the Mass. Something I do not like with hamburgers, but am exceedingly thankful for with the Bread of Life.

TUESDAY QUOTE OF THE WEEK XCIX

FINDING TRUTH WHEREVER IT MAY BE FOUND: "Think before you pray. Habits without faith can become lifeless, outward practices that a person fulfills only to get on with the rest of life. . . . Even before an opening invocation asking God's help, I find it helpful to pause and recall whom I am speaking with. . . .[then] I am more able to pray and not just say words." Fr. Bob Franco h/t to Pat.

QUOTE NUMBER II: "Unfortunately, we too often have difficulty in loving our enemies because we are afraid they might repent." L. Gregory Jones

IN OTHER NEWS:

MARK YOUR CALENDARS! On Sunday March 15th a play about Hillaire Belloc will be coming to Zwisler Hall here at Saint Sebastian at 1:00. Please come if you are available! It should prove quite an afternoon. More information to follow.

I think this is phenomenal! The Vatican has launched its own Youtube channel! Way to go big guy!







Timothy sent this in. It asks the question, "Was the Star of Bethlehem a real astronomical event? A myth created by the early church? Explore the history and science for yourself..." You will also have to decide for yourself the scientific value of the site but it is fun.

HAPPY CATHOLIC SCHOOLS WEEK!

Kay sent this in: "I received this email from Sr. Marie Paule from the Trinitarian Order in Bristol, PA. This Tuesday, January 27th, is a Barnes & Noble Book Fair for St. Anne's School, where some of the Sisters teach. If you need any books or just want to browse, when you buy a book from Barnes & Noble, even buying on-line, some of the proceeds will go to the school. Just present this number when buying your books: 469965 Every penny helps - so even if you need a new bookmark or a small booklet - present the number and help the Trinitarians. Thanks!!"

The Diocese of Cleveland Enewsletter reports, "VATICAN CITY, 21 JAN 2009 (VIS) - Made public yesterday afternoon was a telegram from Benedict XVI to Barack Obama, congratulating him on his inauguration as forty-fourth president of the United States of America." Read more here.

Let the heavens rejoice. It's time for Catholic Carnival 108! Thank you Jay for keeping this up!

Fr. F. sent this in for laughs: "Here is a complaint letter written by a passenger on a Virgin Airlines flight that literally had me laughing non-stop at my desk while reading it. I wish I would have written it. Those of you who like writing letters will find this especially good. Enjoy."