FRIDAY POTPOURRI: RAISING THE CATHOLICISM LEVEL

Eeek!

From this point Mrs. Fenner gets into wedding etiquette.  I just can’t do it.  It would be like facing another presidential campaign.  I don’t have the heart.  Describing the engagement part alone seems to me as daunting as painting the hull of a battleship in my pajamas as it floats in a rough see in January near the Artic Circle.  But there is one part that piqued my interest:  How to make your wedding more Catholic.

 

Mrs. Fenner does not say it but we’ll rush right in and say first; don’t do things at your wedding service or Mass that are not Catholic and are not part of our Tradition or tradition or are not part of your cultural background.  Having such things as the “jumping of the broom” and the “sand ceremony” and the terrible “unity candle” ceremony (with which there are so many problems I will not even write about it again but you can find more here) just add repetition, time stalling ceremonies, and conflicting or competitive symbols.

 

A wedding Mass may or may not be most appropriate.  This is a time of unification.  If one family is largely not Catholic it might be more wise not to have a Mass at which a large percentage of the people will be asked in one manner or another to not come forward during Communion.  But if both families are Catholic, by all means have a Mass.

 

Bearing in mind that a couple is engaging in a sacrament when they marry, symbols of the sacrament may be used.  The most common is the interlocking rings combined with a cross.  These may be used on the program or even the invitation.  This and other Catholic/Christian symbols may also be used on the wedding cake.  “The foolish bide-and-groom dolls or orange blossoms which usually decorate a wedding cake are symbols,” writes Mrs. Fenner, “although we seldom think of them as such because too-frequent use has rendered them almost meaningless.” 

 

A worship aid may also be used.  It should not simply be a list of characters such as is found at the end of a movie, but of true use.  What is going on?  Who may go to Communion?  What is done next?  What does it mean?  Where do I find the hymn? 

 

Wedding rings might engraved on the inside of the band with a short Scripture passage.  Flowers may take on significant meaning.  For example, roses are the most common and are symbolic of Mary.  Traditionally red is for the sorrowful mysteries of the rosary, yellow for the glorious, and white for the joyful.

There are some ceremonies that, while not part of the liturgy of the Church, are somewhat acceptable.  One is the visit to the Mary altar by the bride (and groom) during the singing of the Ave Maria.  Generally a rose is left at her altar as a token of that prayer.  Since it is not a part of the actual ceremony it should almost seem as though it were a spontaneous act on the part of the couple overcome with joy and moved by the singing of this Marian hymn.  Therefore it should not be announced, “NOW THE BRIDE WILL BE GOING OVER TO THE MARY STATUE TO . . .”  Rather, when the hymn is sung (maybe as a reflection after Communion,) the bride simply stands, walks over to the chapel and prays, leaves a rose, and returns to her seat before the end of the song.

FRIDAY POTPOURRI: REV. YOUR ENGINES

When I was a very young man one of my best friend’s Dad was running for city council and they asked me to help them deliver flyers door to door.  The Father (who won in spite of what I am about to tell you) told me, “Call adults by their first names.  They love that.”  I couldn’t do it despite his prodding.  Mom had long beaten it into us (figuratively) that one never calls anybody by their first name unless invited to do so.  So it will ever be, “Mrs. Jones” until she says, “Oh please, call me Mary.”

 

Now I will admit that I have relaxed this rule quite a bit being a pastor as too often I have found people offended that I call them by their surname, there being understood a more intimate relationship between pastor and flock.  But I still recommend calling a priest by his surname “Father Jones” unless he offers otherwise, “Oh please call me Father Jack – or Jack.” 

 

I don’t go by my first name - ever.  And by ever I mean since I was born.  I had two uncles, and a grandpa named John.  There were 5 Johns in my grade school class, and 2 out of the 5 men in my ordination class are named John.  So I’ve always gone by various aliases none of which is very conducive with the priesthood.  It also helps a lot when trying to figure out who you are talking about.  Often a person will come up to me and say something like, “Do you know Father Mark?” and I might respond, “Which one?  There are a bunch of Fr. Marks.”  “Well, he’s about this tall and has hair that kind of does this thing . . .”  “I might know which one you are talking about.  What about him?”  “He wants you to call him.”

 

Anyway, there are a good number of reasonable explanations for why a priest might want to only go by his surname and it is just common courtesy (with anyone) to begin there. 

 

A priest is properly addressed as “Father” as in “Hey!  Father Jones!  How’s it going?”  One would never say in Catholic circles, “Hey!  Reverend Jones!  How’s it going?”  “The Reverend” is used when speaking of the priest in the third person such as in “Our speaker today will be The Rev. Jack Jones.”  In written formal capacities (such as on envelopes, programs, and the like) he is referred to as “The Rev. John Jones.”  “The reverend” never stands alone as in, “I talked to the reverend about it.”  That would be like saying, “I talked to the Mr. about it.” “The reverend” is also never used with just the last name as in The Rev. Jones.

 

THAT BEING SAID these rules are so often trampled over that to use the proper salutations sometimes seems wrong.  “Father” is often used in formal situation such as in wedding programs.  “Celebrant . . . . Father Jack Jones.”  And very often “Reverend” is used with the article dropped.  In fact, this is so often done that even some very reputable Catholic etiquette books will offer this as an option in certain situations even though, strictly speaking, it was not intended to be used in this way though now it is excepted often enough.

ALLY ALLY COME IN FREE

When I was in grade school we had a class of about 25 students and the teacher had us play this game (I think she called it 7Up) where we switched seats, put our heads down, and several people were asked to leave the room quietly.  Then we would raise our heads and had to quickly guess who the classmates were who were missing.  It was amazing how often we couldn’t do it.

 

So imagine your parish with its several Masses and what is like when one person doesn’t show up on the weekend.  I was just thinking today of a couple of people that I have not seen for a while.  It did not occur to me until this morning that they have not been there for a spell.  But what are the possibilities?  Could they have simply gone to another Mass?  Could they be on vacation?  We have a good number of families that “winter” away in warmer climates (why would anybody do that I don’t know) or their work schedule changed and they need to go to the downtown parish that has a Mass time that better fits their schedule or I just plain didn’t see them.  There have been a number of times that I have said to someone, “Where have you been?” and with an anxious look in their faces replied, “Nowhere.  We are here every week.”

 

Occasionally someone will say, I haven’t seen “George” in weeks.  He always says hi and shakes the hands of my children and we sit with him at Donut Sunday.  Anything up with him?”  I usually respond, “Not that I’ve heard.  Maybe we should find out.”

 

The other day Fr. P. and I joined the American Legion so that we could have someplace to sit as we ate our meal from Fat Bob’s (Home of the bacon wrapped tatter tots smothered in cheddar cheese.  Side note:  The owners name is sadly NOT Bob but Dave.  Fat Bob is the name of his motorcycle.)  The welcome we received was almost overwhelming.  We were warmly greeted, helped to a table, people kept coming over and greeting us and bought us some drinks.  “We could learn something of hospitality from them,” I quipped to Fr. P.

 

In truth, St. Sebastian is a pretty welcoming place.  Most of the parishes to which I have gone have been.  I said Mass at St. Francis de Sales not long ago and the people were extremely gracious.  But that still does not mean that people can’t get lost in the cracks – that if they are not there they may have a very good reason other than being sick and perhaps in the hospital.  Because of new privacy laws gone are the days when the hospital can call us and say that they have a Catholic we might visit.  (They no longer even ask if you are Catholic.  You MUST volunteer the information at registration or the chaplains will not know!) 

 

So if you are sick or otherwise homebound, call the parish.  Let them know you just aren’t in the Caribbean taking in the sun.

FRIDAY POTPURRI: AT LEAST I NEVER FORGET A FACE

During St. Sebastian Choir’s trip to Rome we sang a Mass in the Papal Basilica of Saint Peter. I was sent into a sacristy as big as St. Sebastian Parish with a sacristan and two little altar boys whose English consisted of smiling and nodding whilst everyone else went their separate ways. The main celebrant for the Mass was to be Angelo Cardinal Comastri, the archpriest of the basilica. I was rather nervous as you might imagine and wanted to make sure that I got his name correct and so was practicing it as I paced the room.

Interestingly enough when one addresses a cardinal such as in a formal introduction and using his full name, the title cardinal does not come at the beginning of the name as it would with a priest’s title such as in Father John Valencheck. Rather, it comes just before his family name. So it would be Angelo Cardinal Comastri. This is for reasons entirely lost to me. If you know why I would appreciate knowing.

A formal introduction would go like this (assuming that the cardinal was the highest ranking person etiquette wise in the introduction), “Your Eminence, may I introduce to you Fr. John Valencheck. Father Valencheck, this is His Eminence Angelo Cardinal Comastri.”

Of course if that is all way too intimidating or if you are so nervous that names start slipping out of your head, you could skip the remembering the name thing and simply say, “You Eminence” unless and until invited to do otherwise (and then only in private.)