MONDAY DIARY: ALMOST EXCRUCIATINGLY TRUE STORIES: CHUCK NORRIS WANT YOU TO READ THIS (SO I'D DO IT)

Wednesdays are a popular "day away from the parish" for pastors.  It's nice - middle of the week - things are open but not crowded.  Often, in the evening, a couple of priests will stop by St. Sebastian rectory to talk and have *refreshments* and get caught up on important diocesan gossi . . . I mean goings on and in general to relax.

 

Relax does not always mean take it easy.  It may just mean doing something different.  Long time readers will remember the Coke and Menthol's experiment.  This week's experiment involved Strike Anywhere Matches.  One of us found a box and so of course we needed to check the validity of the bold statement.  Just for truth in advertising sake they should be called Strike Anywhere Reasonable to Cause Some Amount of Friction Matches.

 

If you ever carry out this experiment (and I do not recommend it) do it outside with plenty of water around.  That would be better than what we did.

 

Especially when it came to trying to light matches with our thumbs.  We looked it up on line where it told you how to hold the match and how to strike the head etc.  We went through 100 matches trying this.  After a while you stop paying attention.  You are in the middle of a conversation and all of a sudden there is a flare and your thumb is burning.  Not smart.

 

Figuring it was not a wise experiment any further, one of the priests told us about a site that had Chuck Norris jokes.  We looked them up and started laughing hysterically.  Here is an example of the Chuck Norris jokes found here.

 

 

So starting to get the hang of it, we spent the night coming up with our own Chuck Norris jokes.  As far as we know they are original to us and last Wednesday night.  Silly, I know, but God likes to see us happy and laughing so I hope you enjoy.

The Dust Bowl was once part of the Rocky Mountains until Chuck Norris punched it.

Bears don't hibernate.  When they come across Chuck Norris in the woods they play dead.  For months.

The rule against spitting into the wind does not apply to Chuck Norris.  The wind blows in the direction he decides to spit.

Finally:  Lightning never strikes in the same place twice out of principle.  Chuck Norris never needs to.