THEY SAY THAT BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

Adieu, Adieu, parting is such sweet sorrow.

Unless it’s not.

Sometimes it is just a total pain.

Divorce today for practicing Catholics seems a lot like what pre-marital sex used to be. (Stick with me.) First, there is this vague notion that you are doing something really wrong. It is not talked about in any official manner. You get your information on the street and much of it can be completely false. After the deed is done you might feel guilty and wonder about the state of your soul which is accompanied by a certain uneasiness about approaching clergy concerning what happened for fear of what he might think or say.

At my last assignment I gave a one-night seminar on divorce, annulments, and remarriage in an effort to help people overcome the above anxieties. It was well attended although there was not one person there who needed an annulment. They all knew someone who did however. The following couple of months we were inundated with requests for decrees of nullity. In that vein, here are some basics about nullity cases to help set the record straight.

To begin, marriage by the state is largely a contractual union. That is two individuals are held together in a contract. As long as they both abide by the contract (or are willing to overlook discrepancies) the contract is valid and binding. If something goes wrong (and this is a gross oversimplification but helps with the point) then they can break the contract and, if they choose, engage in another contract with a third party.

This varies greatly from Christian marriage. Christian marriage is not contractual it is covenantal. Call to mind the Scripture passage, “. . .and the two shall become one. So they are no longer two, but one. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10; 8,9). This union is “a solemn agreement . . . involving mutual commitments and guarantees” (CCC glossary,) a public vow of laying down one’s life for another. This binding is not “unless and until part of a stipulation of a contract is violated” but until “death do us part,” (or for the more squeamish, “all the days of our lives.”) And in the end, what commodity do have that is more valuable than our good word?

This unity cannot be broken by anyone, not even the Church (let no man put asunder.) The Church does not recognize the state’s right to declare two people no longer married. You can say differently all you want, but the fact will remain that they are still one. It is not in the state’s competence to decree on the status of sacraments, as it is not in the Church’s competence to decree on what day trash pick will be. The only the thing that the Church recognizes about divorce is the legal separation of property. As far as the Church is concerned, you are still married and are even eligible for participating in the sacraments so long as you do not become involved with another person outside of the marriage for which a divorce was obtained.

That being said, you are probably more than aware of practicing Catholics who have divorced and have been remarried sacramentally within the Church. These are persons who have received a decree of nullity in their vows to their former spouse. A decree of nullity is quite a bit different from a divorce. A divorce brings a contractual marriage to an end (though there may be lingering obligations extending into the future) whereas a decree of nullity states that there was something essential to the basic Christian definition of marriage that was missing in the union from its inception rendering it a non-sacramental union.

What this doesn’t mean: This does not mean that children born of the union will be considered illegitimate. Canon law stipulates that individuals are never to be labeled as such. All persons are “legitimate” by virtue of their being. It does not mean that there were not loving or happy moments between the former spouses. It does not mean that they are failures or bad Catholics just for seeking a decree of nullity.

What it does mean: There was a tragic flaw in the relationship and we are simply recognizing the fact that there was something essential to marriage that was missing. It would be like having mass, for example, and everything seemed to be right on the mark, but instead of wine, there was grape juice and Necco wafers instead of hosts. Later investigation would say though the congregants were fed by the Word, the music was great, the preaching commendable, since the Eucharistic elements were missing, there was no sacrament. In like manner, the decree of nullity is simply recognizing what is there and what was not.

Having to go through the nullity process is not a punishment. In the end, it is about not only protecting the integrity of marriage and the sacraments, but the integrity of your word, and possibly protecting people in the future, which we will see later.

To be continued . . .