AND I DON'T MEAN I'M HAPPY

“Father, I am dying of terminal cancer.” “I am getting a divorce.” “My husband beats me.” “I am having spiritual doubts.” “We are thinking of pulling the life-support equipment off of my Father.” “My wife just died.” These are the things that a person might make an appointment to speak to their priest about. By and large none of these situations intimidate me. That is, though they are highly emotional moments, I know my role and, for the most part, what is expected of me. At some topics I am better than others, but basically there is general understanding of exactly what it is I am supposed to do both from the person approaching me and from the perspective of the Church. So even if someone were to come to me with information about a pedophile (thanks to recent scandals) it is very clear what I should do and say. In fact, this last example may be the easiest of them all now.

But there is a topic about which I feel lost, one that I avoid more than any of the above. That is not to say that I do not know the teachings of our faith on the matter, but that it is such a hot potato subject both within and outside the Church and that so little sane conversation can be had on it, that it makes guiding people down the best path difficult.

So I avoid the topic. When I told a priest friend about this, he advised staying out of the conversation altogether lest I be tagged as “one of those kind of priests.” I even put off blogging about it for months just so as not to find myself in a quagmire of controversy though I felt a nagging to do so.

Then a friend came to see me about another person facing this issue. She had me read an article by the Catholic Medical Association entitled “Homosexuality and Hope” (which I ask you to please read before commenting on this post), which states, “The failure of the Catholic community to provide for the needs of this population is a serious omission which must not be allowed to continue.”

In particular, to priests, it says, “It is of paramount importance that priests, when faced with parishioners troubled by same-sex attraction, have access to solid information and genuinely beneficial resources. The priest, however, must do more than simply refer to other agencies (See Courage and Encourage in the Appendix). He is in a unique position to provide specific spiritual assistance to those experiencing same-sex attraction. He must, of course, be very sensitive to the intense feelings of insecurity, guilt, shame, anger, frustration, sadness, and even fear in these individuals. This does not preclude him from speaking very clearly about the teachings of the Church (See CCC, n. 2357-2359), the need for forgiveness and healing in Confession, the need to avoid occasions of sin, and the need for a strong prayer life.

“The priest needs to be aware of the depth of healing needed by these seriously conflicted persons. He needs to be a source of hope for the despairing, forgiveness for the erring, strength for the weak, encouragement for the faint of heart, sometimes a loving father figure for the wounded. In brief, he must be Jesus for these beloved children of God who find themselves in most difficult situations. He must be pastorally sensitive but he must also be pastorally firm, imitating, as always, the compassionate Jesus who healed and forgave seventy times seven times but always reminded, "Go and do not commit this sin again".”

This is not an official document of the Catholic Church, but the most clear and practical piece of work I have had in my hands on this topic period. It calls us all to be open in placing our faithful attention to this dilemma facing Catholics who find themselves in this situation. In part, they state, “There was a time in the not too distant past when pregnancy outside of marriage and abortion were taboo topics and attitudes toward the women involved were judgmental and harsh. The legalization of abortion forced the Church to confront this issue and provide an active ministry to women facing an "unwanted" pregnancy and to women experiencing post-abortion trauma. In a few short years the approach of dioceses, individual parishes, and the Catholic faithful has been transformed and today true Christian charity is the norm rather than the exception. In the same way the attitudes toward same-sex attraction can be transformed, provided each Catholic institution does its part."

So here with this post is my tentative foray into this confusing arena. (Which in the end is really only a recommendation to read another article!) Never short on opinions and hot air, I uncharacteristically find myself short on words other than hoping that I’ve not unintentionally offended anyone. But this is a matter of our faith and something with which we need to deal and deal with good information (which is why I recommend this article). For, as the CMA says, “Those who wish to be free from same-sex attractions frequently turn first to the Church. CMA wants to be sure that they find the help and hope they are seeking.”

To close, here is one last quote from their paper by Jeffrey Satinover, MD, Ph. D., who has written of his extensive experience with patients experiencing same-sex attraction: "I have been extraordinarily fortunate to have met many people who have emerged from the gay life. When I see the personal difficulties they have squarely faced, the sheer courage they have displayed not only in facing these difficulties but also in confronting a culture that uses every possible means to deny the validity of their values, goals, and experiences, I truly stand back in wonder... It is these people --former homosexuals and those who are still struggling, all across America and abroad --who stand for me as a model of everything good and possible in a world that takes the human heart, and the God of that heart, seriously. In my various explorations within the worlds of psychoanalysis, psychotherapy, and psychiatry, I have simply never before seen such profound healing."( Satinover 1996)