MONDAY DIARY: ALMOST EXCRUCIATINGLY TRUE STORIES: NO FLY BY NIGHT STORY

If you read Adam's Ale, you know that I have been away from the computer for a little spell due to being on the St. Sebastian 90th Anniversary Pilgrimage to the Holy Land.  I had to leave the pilgrimage a day early however due to an emergency at the parish and so had to say goodbye to the group and fend for myself navigating taxis and airports.  (Part of my deal in going was that I would not have to think at all - so much for that.)

Anyway, Tel Aviv Airport was navigated - the airport in Paris was a bit of a blur having to run from one end to the other but all was well.  Then we were to land at JFK.  For this I was grateful.  If I was going to be delayed, lost, whatever - I would rather it occur in the good ole U.S. than in a place where I don't speak their language or have their currency.

I was soooooo looking to getting out of the ONE position in which I could sit.  Airplanes were not built for 6'3" people.

So there was no relief and that extra hour made my backside apply for succession from the union.  But we eventually made it to a gate.  A poor young lady behind me was trying to force her way to the front of the plane because she was going to be late for her connection.  Her connection was a half hour AFTER mine.

According to my watch, I had about 10 minutes left before my plane started boarding (I was supposed to have about an hour and half.)  The first step was to go through passport control.  I showed the guy my ticket and asked if there was any way that I was going to make it.

So I said a Hail Mary and gave it the old seminary try.  First, since I was switching from international to domestic travel, the first step was to claim my baggage.  That alone could take a half an hour.  My bag ALWAYS comes 10 minutes  AFTER I think, "How could there possibly be any more luggage on this plane?  There aren't that many people in Akron."  But guess what!  My bag was like the 3rd one to drop out of the baggage thingy!  FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.

Now I had to check it again.  A very harried but infinitely patient and kind attendant took my bag, drew me a map, told me about an ancient oracle that said that one day there would be a bald priest who would one day have no chance of catching his plane but would be brought to the promised plane miraculously by his guardian angle and that I just might be that priest.  Then she yelled, "Now,

So I ran.  I ran up and down stairs, out of the terminal and into another attendant who showed me the terminal to which I needed to go.  "It's a four minute walk," he said.  But I ran with all of my might, humming the tune to Chariots on Fire and made it 3 minutes and 45 seconds!

That's when I found out that I would have to go though security again.

A kind attendant ushered me to a short line when I showed my ticket and time table.  So that mess was got through and then I had to run to the end of THAT terminal and go outside to catch a bus which, of course, I had just missed.  

Another bus showed up and because I was the only one on it, we sat there for what seemed like a half an hour but was probably much closer to 10 minutes.

A very kind off duty flight attendant took a look at my ticket and said, "Oh honey, there's still hope.  I've seen worse situations than this.  Now, here's what you do . . ."  God bless her.

So the bus finally arrives at my terminal - I dash off according to her instructions - up stairs and down hallways until I reach my empty gate - but the doors are still open!  I make my way to my seat!  The person in the seat next to me had already strapped himself in and started making himself at home in both of our seats since he was sure that I wasn't going to make it.  He let me in, I squeezed myself in with a shoe horn, click the buckle and was READY TO GO WITH 30 SECONDS TO SPARE!!!!

HOME FROM THE HOLY LAND!

Late last night I returned from our 90th Anniversary Pilgrimage to the Holy Land.  I won't share with you all of my (hundreds) of photos - but here are a couple of things that really moved me.  I was surprised by what they were - not at all what I expected.  And there is plenty to be awed by.  After a while it makes you head spin.

We visited many, many, (MANY) churches.  But one of the things that really got me was this boat.  It is approximately 2,000 years old.  It was at least around near or at Jesus' time.  (It is impossible to say whether it was connected to Him at all.)  When Scripture talks about fishing or that Jesus was in a boat, they were talking about vessels just like this one.  It made concrete what I could only imagine before.

The place that nearly moved me to tears was the church of the Primacy of Peter.  This is the place where Peter told Jesus three times that he loved Him after denying Him three times.  I read that Gospel during the Mass and got quite choked up (and that says a lot coming from me) and worked hard at holding it in.

This is the mosaic behind the alter where we had Mass.  There is Jesus and Peter but anachronistically there is Pope Paul VI laying on the rock where all of this took place.  It is said that, after praying and reading the Scriptures about Christ signifying the primacy of Peter, he opened up his arms and in great emotion, fell on the rock and embraced it.  Maybe that was a little of what I was feeling.

So we were at the Church of the nativity.  I saw this Orthodox priest and nudged Fr. Orndorf (who was with us) and said, "Say, doesn't that chap look like  . . . " and he broke in and said, "Fr. Klonowski!"  At least when Fr K is in full beard.

The Wailing Wall was an unexpected moment of grace.  It was far more moving that I expected.  Maybe there will be a homily on this some day soon although I will say this one thing: the white, plastic porch chairs kind of threw off the aesthetic.  

These next two pictures are in the Bible that I've had for ever.  They were in black and white and it was stunning to see them in color.  In my Bible there are very few people around these structures save for some nuns which did not help prepare me for the crazy crowds there were everywhere.

This is me doing my best imitation of the Dome of the Rock.  Can you tell which is which?

Reciting our baptismal promises and going into the River Jordan where Christ was baptized by John helped with visualizing that story.

But always, always, alway it was celebrating Mass (here or in the Holy Land) that put us closer to Christ who is always present so fully - more so than He is in a place He happened to be 2,000 years ago.

MONDAY DIARY: ALMOST EXCRUCIATINGLY TRUE STORIES: CHEAP AT TWICE THE PRICE

You might have picked up from the grand lack of postings last week or so that I and everybody who works for Adam's Ale went on a staff vacation last week.  So I just decided to shut down the offices.  Thanks for checking up and coming back now that the blog is up and running again.

As I do every year, I slip on down to one of our warmer states for a few days to stock up on vitamin D so that I might be a better pastor to the people of the parish.  This of course means jumping on an airplane first.  Is it just me or did all of TSA go through extreme curtesy classes?  The lines were not only short and free of hassle, it seems they were all eerily nice.

I am the grateful guest of some friends who live in a state under the sun.  They are so kind but it so obvious that I do not belong there other than for a visit.  It reminds me of my sister who moved to the south and they could pick her out because of her northern accent.  Then she came back here with a slight twang, said things like "you all" and "howdy" and we tagged her a southerner.  She has become a woman without a cardinal direction to call her own.

I am a true northerner and was apparent the moment I stepped off of the gangway of the airplane.

Also, nobody has facial hair down there.  It's like their faces are naked and they just walk around like that without shame.

We had a Pre-Cana retreat this last weekend at St. Sebastian.  There were a lot of couples there.  I would say half of the men had beard that were somewhere between fierce and epic.  Another quarter had beards that were nothing to be ashamed of.  And the last quarter walked around with too much facial skin showing.  These are my people.  Of course, now I'm afraid to trim my beard back for Easter as I promised my sister because of tan lines . . . 

Good people of St. Joseph - you are in for a surprise this weekend.  Please be kind and supportive.  You will understand after you read your bulletin.

But that is not the only thing that separated me from those among whom I vacationed.  It was a bit of a resort area where people liked to spend good money.  Everybody had beautiful, expensive haircuts.  Gender wasn't a factor.  You needed a good haircut to fit in well at the local coffee shop.

Clothes too.  As a matter of fact, after coming back and talking with Fr. Gearing at St. Adelbert, we both came to the conclusion that we have turned into old bachelors that don't have good women to nag us that we have been wearing the same clothes for 10 years.  We have made a commitment to upgrade our closets.  I began last week by ordering nice clerical shirts (man! are they expensive!)  and Wednesday, the day away from the parish for both of us, we are going to go out and look at suits.  And shoes.  Not more buy one pair get one pair for half off at the Woolworths.

All and all, it is a wonderful, fun, beautiful place to visit and I am so terribly grateful for the experience.  But . . .

Which is, of course, the purpose of a vacation.

THEOLOGY ON TAP, AKRON: OH WHAT A NIGHT

Less than 48 hours ago I looked out my window and saw THIS:

Today I look out my window and see THIS:

It's a beautiful world isn't it?

That is why I've not been blogging.  It is not good to get sand in your computer.

Anyway, I got back just in time for my day away from the parish.  (See how that works?)  But it was still a busy day around the office.  It was Theology on Tap Akron Day and Mother Theodora was coming to speak.  So before hand (they were coming all this way after all) I decided to have the nuns from Christ the Bridegroom Monastery over for dinner along with some priests and seminarians.  It began with the social hour: 

Then we moved in to the dinning room where Marcy and her outstanding crew made us a delightful dinner.  Terri even made cookies with the parish seal on them - and she made the table cloth - and the arranged the flowers.  It was awesome because if I had taken care of it, we would have ordered pizza.

In the above picture to the far right is Sara Lynn who was just accepted as a postulant!  Congratulations!  Please keep her in your prayers.

Below is Mother Gabriella practicing a song a tap number that she was about to perform.

Okay, I was COMPLETELY kidding about that.

Here is most of the gang that was here yesterday.

Then we moved on over to the church where they sang Byzantine Vespers for us.  The parish and community was invited to join us.  It was beautiful.

Then we jumped into our cars and drove out to the Winking Lizard in Peninsula for Theology on Tap, Akron!

There were a lot of priests and seminarians there.  Thanks for coming out guys.

The reason that I really like THIS picture . . .

Is because it reminds me of THIS picture.

Mother gave a great talk to a packed house.

Fortunately we had a little more room this time because the restaurant moved us to a larger room!

I hope you are able to join next time on March 8th when Fr. Marty Miller will be speaking.  Also, on February 20th, I will be speaking at Theology on the Rocks at D'Agnese's on White Pond for those of you who are adults but not necessarily with the adjective "young" before it.

Thank you to Eric Eirmann, Rocco, our MC, and everybody who helped make it a great night.  

Thanks also to Visitation Parish for sponsoring the evening.

Thanks to St. Joseph Parish, Cuyahoga Falls for letting us borrow their sound system.

ToT Akron is a ministry of St. Sebastian Parish.  If you are interested in sponsoring a night, please contact me!

MAKING TRACKS

1st:  Today is Sts. Cosmos and Damian Day!  The day on which I was baptized!  Woohoo!

2nd:  Consider taking a peek at the GoFundMe page for the new Catholic school in Akron for children with learning challenges: https://www.gofundme.com/jbakron or CLICK HERE.

3rd:  Sebastian and I are leaving on vacation starting TODAY!  There probably will not be any posts owing to an expected wifi shortage but we shall see.

God bless!

THE TRIP CONTINUED . . .

We left the basilica and headed out to the reception.  We were stopped by a kindly nun on the narrow road confined by a low and sturdy stone wall like you might find in Ireland (in fact. the Irish who were with us remarked that it was about time they saw a stone wall in the United States) in front of the villa.  She informed us that we would have to park down the street and that a shuttle would bring us up the reception.

The bus dropped us off on the sprawling lawns, dotted with enormous trees and three giant white tents just a tad smaller than circus tents.  The sisters were busy with preparations and we were escorted into the villa, owned by the Knights of Columbus and which is used to host retreats by the sisters.  Despite the enormous space allocated for the event, it was quite packed with the Sisters of Life, other religious orders of women and men, priests, family, and well wishers.  

The sisters were expert in feeding a lot of people quickly.  It must be one of their charisms.  

We sat at tables on white chairs and feasted and talked with the many people there.  Then later, standing on the lawn, I heard a jazz band start playing.  I thought they were Okay until I turned around and saw that I could not see them.  They were entirely hidden by the bushes.  It was not owing the the hight of the bushes for they were short, but that the musicians were under 10 years of age AND AMAZING.

They stood on the front porch of the villa which was designed a little bit like a stage.  The villa originally belonged to a famous, 19th century playwright whose name escapes me at the moment.  He used to put on plays there and today it was being used as a stage.

We returned the next day for Mass in the villa chapel and for brunch beneath the tents once again.  The stage was set up again and talented members of the families of the women who took their vows the day before entertained us with singing, dancing, instrumental recitals, and stories.  

Then it was time for us to leave and say goodbye.  The day was not over for the Sisters however.  Later in the afternoon they would gather to hear what their new assignments were going to be and they were quite excited.  We retreated back to the hotel and spent the remainder of the evening (after a hardy nap) teaching the Irish how to play cards.

WORST POSSIBLE WEEK EVER

This is turning out to be the worst possible week to take off ever.  Planned a year in advance as the only week this time of year that it seemed NOTHING was going on, it turns out, at the last minute, that just about everything that could be going on - is.

And the best part about that is . . . It doesn't matter because I'M ON VACATION!

Whoohoo

I'll catch up with you on Monday next!

MONDAY DIARY: ALMOST EXCRUSIATINGLY TRUE STORIES: DOG GONE IT

 No doubt about it, dogs have a sixth sense.  They can predict things before they happen.  You hear about it all the time - the dogs going crazy before an earthquake, becoming restless when a predator is coming, getting antsy when the mail is about to be delivered, knowing exactly where to roll in order to get the maximum stink value.

 

Sebastian knows when I am going on vacation.  He can pick it up as quickly as the scent of a dead squirrel in the park.  I've tried everything because Sebastian makes leaving him behind for a couple of days about as pleasant as black fly season in upstate New York.  He KNOWS the difference between me leaving for an hour or two and me leaving for a week.  My latest trick was to pack 5 days in advance to throw him off, but he knew something was up immediately.

So the bag was in my car for five days.  One would think that he might forget about the whole thing.  Not so.  On certain things he has a mind like a steal trap: Where his bones are buried, what day his favorite secretary is coming to work, and that I have packed bags in the car. 

 

So he starts to get a little clingy.  Make that very clingy.

 Now, I will admit that being appreciated is a very nice thing.  But it can be wearing.  As the date for departure grew nearer, Sebastian became more insecure.  At night he would rest his big head on my bed and whimper.  He's a good sized dog so his head is high enough to make it to the height of the bed and that noggin must weigh about 10 pounds all by itself and so makes it self known not only by its whimpering noises but in the bounce of the bed as he slams it down several times just to let me know that he is there.

 One time when he was doing this I let him up on the bed thinking that it would ease his anxiety.  The only thing it did was increase mine.  He sighed.  A lot.  He also runs and talks in his sleep emitting little puffs of barks while his legs twitch back and forth.  AND he is a bed hog, pushing, pushing, pushing until I am on a sliver of bed, have to get up, walk around, and sleep on the wide open expanse on the other side. 

 

The day before I leave it reaches a climax.  It becomes difficult to leave the house whatsoever.

 Being finally on vacation I am plagued by thoughts of how Sebastian is getting along.  Is he Okay?  Is he still sane?  Is he tearing the place up?  Is he in a depressed stupor?  Is he mad at me?  Does he even notice that I'm gone?  Is this what people with small children go through?

 

So I say a prayer and try to send it to him, to calm and soothe him.  Do I worry about the parish?  No.  There are competent people there to handle everything.  But Sebastian . . .

 

On the way home I look forward to seeing him above everything else.  Is that pathetic or what?  But of course, all this also has its advantages . . .