FUNERAL APPLES AND ORANGES?

So I went to a non-denominational funeral yesterday and was actually quite excited to go to see how someone else did things.  Of course, I was making comparisons between what happened there and what happens at a Catholic funeral.  The thing that I was most struck by however was the lack of participation.  I don’t mean that by way of people not singing or praying (because     they did) but by the role of the laity (at least this one instance.)

We were there largely to listen and pray along with the minister.  He asked us to make Jesus our personal Lord and Savior so that we might join the deceased in heaven.  He prayed over us and asked God to bless us and keep us close to Him and to bring us comfort in this time of sadness.  And there were a lot of stories about the deceased which were at times poignant and humorous.  It was quite touching.  Our “job” was to be moved.  It was billed as “paying our last respects.”  But to whom did we pay them?  The deceased (in this theology) can neither know of now benefit from them.  So it was an exercise in remembering the good (we were told to throw away the bad thoughts) and buoying ourselves up to face life with the lessons learned from this one.  The onus on the preacher is heavy. 

Then I think of a Catholic funeral.  When properly understood and we are at our best, the congregation is not there to simply be ministered to.  They are there to work.  At baptism they were anointed kings, prophets, and priests.  As priests, there are prayers to be offered.  Parts of the Mass belong to the congregation and they are to pray them.  Of course, our theology differs from that of the Protestant Churches in that we believe in the communion of saints; that is, that there is only one Body of Christ with Christ as the head and that Body cannot be completely severed in half even by death so that somehow, in Christ, we are all still somehow mysteriously united.  And because our theology of salvation also differs, there is work to be done for the one who has passed.  We pray for them that their soul may be sped on to heaven.  The ordained priest along with the priesthood of the people offer the One Sacrifice to the Lord on behalf of the one they love and all of the faithfully departed.  Healing comes not by being comforted but through ministry.  The priest still carries much of the burden of the celebration but the totality of the responsibility is shared.

At the end of the service yesterday we were just done other than getting on with our life in Jesus and remembering the good things about the deceased and building on them.  For the Catholic, we remember as is said in the rites that, “All the bonds of friendship and affection that knit us together throughout life do not unravel with death.”  Our prayers for each other continue.  Masses may be offered, candles lit, prayers said, an active relationship in God still to be nurtured.

Or at least it seems to me. 

FRIDAY POTPOURRI: A PRAYER FOR EVERYBODY - INCLUDING THEM

Imagine a grand old church like St. Peter in Rome.  Over the altar is the grand round dome while  below the floor plan is square and angular.  This is not just the work of interesting architecture.  It all means something.  Circles that have no beginning or end represent things eternal, represent heaven, represent God.  Things that are squarish represent earthly things, man made things, man.  That these two shapes come together right were the altar sits is making a point.  When we celebrate the Mass, heaven and earth are colliding like that which powers the Starship Enterprise with matter and anti-matter coming together.  (Other versions would be a square nave and an apse for example.)

Particularly for Catholics, this is essential theology.  When we celebrate The Mass, we don’t celebrate one at St. Sebastian at 9:00AM, one at St. Vincent at 11:00, and one at St. Bernard at noon though it appears to us that we do.  There is only One Mass being celebrate around the world and throughout time.  

That is also why when we speak about the Body of Christ, we include the entire Church; militant, penitent, and triumphant.  The Body cannot be cut in twain even by death.  The bride is united and alive in the Bridegroom with Whom she is One causing the whole body to be alive as one, death not being like a severed hand left on the ground - or conversely, that those who have not been born into the next life yet not being a branch on the vine.  So we are always somehow mysteriously connected in Christ.

One of the glorious things about St. Sebastian Parish is that the walls are lined with depiction of saints.  I often think as we are heading into the heart of the Eucharistic prayer of the saints (official and otherwise) showing up and joining those in the pew to offer oblation to our Father.  There may be only a few hundred at Mass, but it is standing room only once everyone shows up from angels to toddlers.  A Catholic church is like one of those mysterious buildings that are much larger on the inside than they are on the outside.

Understanding that things like time and space work differently in the next life, it is easy to imagine the whole of God’s children coming together in concert for the Wedding Feast of the Lamb.  And it makes even more sense that we may all pray for each other; we on earth praying for each other and for the Church Penitent, the Church penitent praying for themselves and for the Church militant, and those in heaven praying for all of us to come to perfections as the Bride of Lamb with them in our heavenly inheritance.  

This all leads us to today’s subparagraph g of paragraph 79 of the GIRM.  Another important aspect of the Mass is the intercessions, and by it, I believe we are not just talking about the general intercessions, but all of the intercessions that take place during the Mass.  They are sprinkled all over the place like pepper from a grinder on your salad at a nice restaurant.  “For all your children scattered throughout the world,” and “For our departed brothers and sisters,” just to name a couple “by which expression is given to the fact that the Eucharistic prayer is celebrated in communion with the whole Church, of both heaven and of earth, and that the oblation is made for her and for all her members, living and dead, who are called to participate in the redemption and salvation purchased by the Body and Blood of Christ.”

WHEN THE DEAD COME TO VISIT

So,

The dead spent the night at my place last night.  This is not unusual only for a very small group of people I would imagine.  For me it was quite unusual.

My over night guest was Fr. Ted.  I know his soul is on its journey and all that, but it still seemed kind of rude to leave his body on its own.  I was joking with the servers that we were going to sign up to keep vigil with Father all through the night and that they needed to sign up for an hour.  Their relief was palpable when they found out I was joking.

But, God bless them, some of the adults asked, “Should we?  I’d put in some time.”  I was sure, however, that he would be just fine.

I did go over and visit.  The church was locked and quiet and we could chat for a moment.  Some priest friends came over last night and we went to pray compline with Father Ted.  It was solemn and, at least I thought, kind of moving.  We even closed with Fr. Ted’s famous lines, “For protection at home, for protection at work, for protection in the car, and protection from the Blessed Virgin Mary!”  I don’t think he ever got the irony of that wording.

The funeral is today (11:00AM).  Unfortunately Father has been off of the radar screen for a spell and most of the people who would have been associated well with him have gone on before him.  There is a priest, Fr. Oleksiak, who has been doing a Yeoman’s job of taking care of him these last few years.  The Bishop will be here.  Despite the fear that there will be more ministers at the funeral than attendees, he will still come.  Father was, after all, a true son of the Bishop.

I love my parish.  There was no way to announce to anybody that Father had died and that there were services so we relied on work of mouth and they turned out yesterday for the vigil.  Most did not know him or know him well at all.  That is charity and a work of mercy.  How  proud I am to be their pastor.

I was afforded the privilege of preaching vespers yesterday.  I started off with this quote:

“Priests should look upon death as one of the last functions of the priesthood. It is their last Mass. 

This mortal body with which you were born at the incarnation was, for you, O Jesus, only the material of the sacrifice. 

This is what this mortal body should be for each of those who share your priesthood. They must make use of it, as you did, to preach the truth, to edify men. But the essential, sacerdotal use they must make of it is to die. … 

They should, then, prepare for it as they prepare to celebrate Mass, because the death of a priest is a Mass, united to your death and consummated in yours for the salvation of mankind.”

Fr. Gaston Courtois

Rest in peace Fr. Ted

THE (OBJECT/SUBJECT) OF MY AFFECTION CAN CHANGE MY COMPLECTION FROM WHITE TO ROSEY RED.

In the past week, three separate but similar incidences have occurred with people connect to this parish.  The details of all three are mixed together in order not to embarrass those involved.

 

It goes something like this:  “Father, I received a phone call from my sister.  They found my mother in a closet and want to know if I want her.  If not they are just going to start throwing everything, including her, into a dumpster.  What should I do?”

 

This is becoming less and less rare a conversation.  (Life as a priest is interesting.)  The reason it is becoming less rare is twofold:  1) The Church relaxed its rule against cremation and 2) the continued loss of respect for the dignity of the person including and especially the body.  

 

The first:  Now that the Church is no longer fighting the heresy concerning the resurrection of the body (there were those who were using cremation as a theological statement against the Church’s teaching – go figure) it no longer feels it is necessary to have a moratorium on cremation. 

 

Unfortunately that coincided (secondly) with a growing mentality of the person as an object rather than a subject (brilliantly pointed out by a priest friend at a recent meeting.  Hi O)  While living, the respect and dignity that we owe other human beings because of their inherent nature of being made in the likeness and image of God (even if they don’t look “right,” or are too small or have thrown in it away . . . ) has greatly diminished causing human beings to be objects to be used.  The greatest promoter of this mentality is porn.  No, if you look at porn today, you will not be a destroyer of humanity tomorrow, but nationally it feeds a mentality that some people can be used and then discarded. 

 

Abortion double feeds this.  It allows a woman (and in some incidences a man) to be used to fulfill a personal sexual need and when everything goes according to Hoyle and another person is conceived, the baby may be aborted thus cutting any natural ties you may have had with the woman and any responsibility toward the child.  I can walk away.  For much the same reason contraception is frowned upon.

 

A long list could be developed here but that will suffice.

 

So now there is Great Aunt Feefee’s ashes.  Instead of treating her body with great reverence and giving ancient custom of respectfully burying the body (even if it is only ashes), the body becomes an object to be used.  It is made into jewelry, passed out like party favors, or kept on display on the mantle until it ends up in a closet and someone else divesting an estate comes across it and throws it in the trash.

 

OF COURSE holding on to ashes is done with the best of intentions.  People have the desire to be close to their loved one and to have a connection.  But as Catholics we believe in the communion of saints.  The connection we have through prayer is far more real and immediate.  A body is much different than holding on to a rosary or picture or piece of jewelry.  We owe our loved ones the dignity of being a subject in their own right and to treat their body as a former Temple of the Holy Spirit, not an object of our desire to be turned in to a conversation piece.

ALLOW ME TO UNDER TAKE THAT FOR YOU

This is a short post today in hopes that you read it and remember it (tuck it away somewhere in your memory banks.)

Q: Do you know why undertakers are called undertakers?

A: Because they under take many things for the family so that they do not have to worry about it.

You have plenty to worry about and take care of when a loved one dies. We pay people in this noble profession which is one of the corporal acts of charity to assist us by taking some of the cares out of our hands. Being dead may not be complicated in the least – but being a person responsible for someone who has died is extremely complicated.

I hope this is the case where you are and it is certainly the case in at least every part of the Diocese of Cleveland with which I am familiar. Your undertaker (a name that has unfortunately been dropped but is of infinite value in understanding what this person does) will (or should) contact the parish for you and settle the Mass times and etc. Often they will also have materials on hand to help you make some decisions about the Mass so ask. From that point there might need to be some direct contact with the parish to set an appointment if discussion needs to be had about certain details.

There has been a rash of people of late who seem to understand this less and less and burying someone you love is (hopefully) a rare occurrence so I hope that this helps.

DEAD AGAIN?

I will have the honor to perform (what is for me) an unusual funeral service today for someone with whom I was close. The person being buried is Catholic but has long since stopped practicing other than for funerals, weddings, and the odd ordination. Her family’s belief does not necessarily extend to an afterlife. So, in large part it guts most of what I usually have to say at moments like this and it makes me contemplate what we have. Some of the problems are tricky and challenging. How do I end a prayer? I can’t say through Christ our Lord – or make the Sign of the Cross. Though they understand that I am a committed Catholic Christian and these things will just have to be a part of it, it will not make a sense to make too much of it since it more likely will turn the family off than anything else. Other things are more challenging. For the Christian, in our sadness we have hope. Even if tears should stream down our faces there is always a little flicker of joy that the dates that will appear below the name of the person on their grave marker will not simply mark a birth and death year, but two birth years; one into this world, one into the next. When we look at a graveyard we not only see those to whom we had to say goodbye, but we also call to mind that they are waiting to greet us again when we come to join them. And not in just some anonymous way – we don’t become part of some great energy or recyclable life system with no memory, but in a real and personable way. If we are so graced to enter into the kingdom of Heaven, I shall see those I love again for that is way Christ is in heaven and He is the foretaste and promise of what shall happen to us.

But what if you don’t have this hope? What does one do with death? We comfort each other, we remember, and we try to take what we appreciate in the life of the person and carry it on and hope that their memory lives on as long as their grave stone lasts. But like a torn down mansion – the person is simply gone. Look at this gravestone. This person did a lot – accomplished a lot. I know it because this person had it printed out on his gravestone. Is that the extent of our lives? What is left behind is a memorial in bronze we hope someone keeps the weeds from overtaking? This stone utterly depresses me.

The odd part to me is that it takes just as much faith to believe that there is not a God as it does to believe that there is one. I for one am glad I have God. Even if it turns out that I am wrong (and I do not believe so) I will have lived life in more hope and joy beleiving those I loved did not cease to exists at the end of the dash and date and that we are still united in Christ and we shall enjoy each other’s company again.

IN CASE OF MARTIAN ABDUCTION

In reality nobody – well, almost nobody prepares for a Martian abduction. I mean really, the chances are so small. But if every you were abducted by Martians you would think, “Why didn’t read that pamphlet and have a small bag packed and ready to go - and granola bars?”

With that in mind I ask you to consider reading this short post even though you may find it completely out of relevancy for you at the moment or unpleasant reading. This is just a short to-do list in the inevitable event of . . .

Phone calls come in to the rectory quite often with the plea, “I think that I am supposed to call you and arrange a time for funeral. My (insert relationship here) died, I’ve never done this before and am not sure what to do.” Well, my friends, here is what I suggest you do in simple format. It is a check off list of what would work around here – exact details may change in your location.

When a person is seriously ill call early for a priest to anoint him. Do NOT wait until death is imminent. You want to make sure that a priest is available to come in time. Let the priest know the state of the person (not an immediate emergency but soon – or – they have a few hours etc.) Have an address, phone number, and possibly directions ready.

When your loved one dies call the funeral home of your choice. There is a reason they are called undertakers. They under take all the arrangements for the family. A good funeral home that is familiar with the Catholic Church will immediately notify the parish of choice and arrange a day and time for you and handle the finances.

It would be a good idea to have spoken with your loved one about funeral plans – preferred readings, songs, etc. You time will be taxed between the death and funeral. Be prepared. You may need to arrange a meeting at the parish to discuss the Mass. You may need to call the rectory if your parish provides a funeral luncheon.

Eulogies are not part of the Mass and should not be done. The proper place is at the funeral home or luncheon.

The priest, deacon, or other person might perform the following: A prayer service at the funeral home the day before, the funeral Mass, and committal service. Some parishes still meet the body at the funeral home and lead the cortege to the Church but that is becoming rarer.

Now about those Martians . . .

MAY THEY REST IN PEACE

This is one of those days that not only am I thankful to be Christian, I am particularly thankful to be part of the Catholic Church that is holding onto the teachings of Christ’s Church which so many have abandoned. Is the hope testified to in the Scriptures too much to hope for some?

I friend stopped by last night, B., who offered to come by today and serve a mass for my dead relatives who died a number of years ago. In return I also remember all of his loved ones too. It was interesting that we both admitted to, even as kids, not experiencing the death of others the way so many people do. We share a sense that even if we were sad for our own sakes, there was also an underlying joy and an assurance that this separation was somehow so temporary.

But further than that is, as members of the one Body of Christ that has Christ as its head, we are still somehow mystically united. Our prayers for each other still flow back and forth.

Not too much before the death of my mother, Bishop Pilla, the bishop of this diocese at the time, experienced the death of his. At the end of Mom’s funeral mass he came down off of the altar to speak to the family. “I’m not able to tell you how, but I can tell you that you will have and know the presence of your mother.” And we have, not in a “Halloweenish” kind of way, but as a consolation from God.

I have family that does not believe in an afterlife. Actually, my Father is much that way. The silent desperation in his later years is a sad thing to see and there is little to be done about it. “Do you know why I live life so hard,” he once asked me, “Because I have to get it all in before it is all over.” He can’t envision anything beyond what is right now and so there is no hope beyond waking up tomorrow. As a 40 year old he was fine with that. As an 87 year old it is positively depressing. And the death of his friends is utter destruction which no hope can comfort.

To think – to know - with the assurances of Scripture and Tradition of not only 2000 years of Christianity, but reaching back into the books of Maccabees, Sirach, and even Job that our prayers can touch and assist those who have gone before us. And to know that “all the ties of love and affection which unite together in life do not unravel with death.” That there is but one Body of Christ all pulling for each other. That death is an illusion and a poor one at that for the one who can see the strings dangling. Knowing this makes life no longer just bearable, but joyful. Death is no longer a divider but something that unites. 87 years means no longer desperation, but even if it can be scary, there is indestructible hope.

Praise God.