MONDAY DIARY: ALMOST EXCRUCIATINGLY TRUE STORIES: ITS SIDEWAYS DAY!

Yes! It's the first official sideways day at Adam's Ale!  I hope you enjoy.  It's sideways day because for some reason I can't figure out no matter what I do two of my pictures are coming out sideways today.  So let's celebrate.

 

The warm weather hit in earnest this week.  It may actually be summer after all.  But as it happens every year, the high Ohio humidity and the warmer weather seems to shrink clothes.  So people who normally come to Mass properly dressed are embarrassed to find that all of their clothing has shrunk dramatically and they are left with nothing to wear except clothing that LOOKS like short-shorts, tank tops, and tights.  I truly feel for these unfortunates.  I am sure they are humiliated beyond words.  But at least they overcome their fears and come to Mass just the same.

 

Last week I was in Chicago and saw this sign outside of parish church there:

There are any number of persons in this parish that would be excited if I would place a similar sign to this one here.  Of course, the request is made by people who can afford clothes that don't shrink in the summer.

 

Up the street from us there is this sign:

If you can't read it, the pertinent part says, "Come as you are!"

This has led me to desire putting up this sign on our marque.  (The actual marque is not sideways.)

I do understand the concern.  There was a man who came to see me and ask that I say something to our EMHCs (extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion) about wearing low cut tops in the summer.

 

Firstly I say to men, "Stop it!  We are to treat our sisters with utmost respect!  They are not the sum of their body parts!  Get a hold of yourselves!  Be men."

 

There. 

 

Now to the ladies I say, "Stop it!  We are to treat are men with utmost respect and not do our best to lead them to temptations.  Don't let them see you as the sum of your body parts.  Don't let the following scenario (which was explained to me very carefully and discretely by one of our taller male parishioners) happen when you are an EMHC:

THE WAR OF THE DRESS CODES

In my never unending quest to divide the world into two types of people, today we have the division between those who dress casually for Mass in the summer and those who still keep much of their flesh covered even in parishes without air conditioning.  Once again whichever camp you may find yourself you are making a philosophical decision.

First are those who come to Mass “as is.”  It may be while on the way to the beach, the opera, the ball game, or just to be cool.  A basic principle here is “God loves me just as I am and you should too.”  I don’t really recall any passage in Scripture where Jesus chided someone for coming to hear him preach inappropriately dressed.  When he talked to prostitutes there is no record of Him asking them to cover their bare shoulders first.  If we want people to come to Mass, we need to be open to who they are and part of that is how they are dressed.

The second group come to Mass as if marking a special occasion or meeting somebody special.  The basic principle is, “God is worthy of at least the respect I show to my employer, a bride and groom at their wedding, or the judge at my trial.”  Though there were no instances of clothing concerning dress at Temple in the Bible, Jesus was meeting them where they were and lifting them to someplace else.  What did the elect wear in Revelation?  Shorts?  Fig leaves?  No.  They wore long white robes immaculately cleaned.  If we want people to take the Mass seriously then we need to expect a certain level of seriousness from them.

 

Is it untrue that we should accept people for who they are?  Of course it is.  There are people out there who simply do not have or do not understand the least about why or how to dress up much more than putting clean underwear on.  This is a tragic fact but true.  In my own life there have been times when I had to wear pretty outrageous outfits to Mass.  I was organist and had to show up but would be leaving Mass already late for my next “gig” and so came to dress in band uniforms and other costumes of various types.  If looked upon in a condemnatory fashion such people may not come back to Mass.  Is having rid ourselves of short shorts worth the loss of soul?

On the other hand are those who know and can dress better for Mass.  The idea that God loves me “as I am and so should you” is an inherently selfish one.  It is not about you.  It is about us.  And part of being “us” is showing respect to those around you.  The reason we dress up for a potential employer or the judge at our trial is because it shows respect for that person and a willingness to be part of the goings on.  We do not expect them to “take me for who I am,” an absolutely ridiculous thing to do.

So what to do?  There was a group of young people in Cleveland that thought people should be dressed up for the opera.  Instead of passing edicts they went out, got very nice clothes, and started setting the bar higher themselves.  So the first step is to take care of self and family first.  Show that it is possible to survive for an hour or so in the summer in one’s Sunday best.

The second is to not too quickly take others to task who look like they are rather going to a beach party.  The reason we hear of no clothing disputes with Jesus is that he first got to know people and then invited them higher.  Imagine the difference in these examples:  1) The look of “how dare you dress like that” and the loud whisper to another saying, “how could s/he come dressed to Mass like THAT?” or 2) Getting to know someone and saying, “Next Sunday we are going out to breakfast after Mass.  Why don’t we all get dressed up and go out together?” 

Of course the pastor must set the tone.  Some are better about it (or care more about it) than others.  It is a service I believe to invite others to the call to dress well at Mass.  It breaks us out of ourselves, unites us more closely together in a common cause, and creates an atmosphere that is more reverent.

NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SACRAMENTAL SERVICE

“I’m not an animal! I am a human being!”

This line is from the play, “The Elephant Man” about a man struck with the terrible disease elephantiasis that greatly deformed his head. He was crying out for people to treat him with the same compassion and respect they would any human being and not scorn him simply because of the way he looked.

Many people use this same line to defend the way they dress in church. When summer would hit my last pastor was want to put a notice in the parish bulletin informing parishioners that he was aware that the summer months were upon us and assured them that the air conditioning was serviced and working and to please dress appropriately for mass. Of course there were the several phone calls and one or two anonymous letters blasting him. “You should accept people for who they are and not how they are dressed! Stop judging people! At least they are at mass!”

Of course they are right. People should not be judged for how they dress at mass. Especially since it may well be that they cannot afford to dress any better. Where this argument falls apart however is with people who otherwise have the means to dress appropriately and choose not to. Clothing says more than something about you, it also says what you think about other people. If you go to a job interview in ripped jeans, a death rock T-shirt, uncombed hair and ratty shoes, you may use the argument, “He never accepted me for who I am,” but sure as the pope is Catholic he is at the other end thinking, “He doesn’t really want this job, does not respect me, does not think much of this company, and probably will have the same attitude toward our customers.”

So when someone comes to mass dressed inappropriately (and I believe that there are different standards for different situations though modesty is modesty) it is not simply a matter of “people need to accept me for who I am”, but “What am I saying to others and about what is important to them?” Am I saying (even inadvertently) that this isn’t really all that important? Serious Catholics say that the Eucharist is the source and summit of our lives. To come dressed like you just got out of bed and rummaged through the reject bin at the Saint Vincent de Paul Shop makes a strong statement especially if you can and do dress better at other times which, quite frankly, marks those things symbolically as the source and summit of your life. You can say, “But God knows what’s in my heart.” But Mrs. Smith doesn’t and Catholicism isn’t about “me and God” it is about “us and God” and that means paying the same respect you want from the community to the community.

So what do you do with good-clothing-manners-scofflaws in your parish?

Well, there are a few options, most of which I would avoid.

The first option is to give the offender the obvious once over and then lift one side of your upper lip in a sneer and then look away in disgust.

Another option is to say something loudly to the person next to you in order that the offender might overhear such as, “Can you believe some people come to mass dressed up like a teenage Jezebel?”

You could encourage the pastor to write a scathing letter in the bulletin or make a hell and brimstone sermon from the pulpit about being an occasion of sin for others.

You could be honest and blunt and just say to the offender, “I’m sorry, we don’t dress to intentionally offend people here at this parish.”

I don’t recommend any of these tactics. Christ message from beginning to end is about unity. Every one of these tactics will only cause division. We just add to the scandal already caused. My advice (with my Monsignor Manners hat on) is don’t do any of them.

So what can you do? Nothing. Well, almost nothing. Start with setting a good example. Dress a little better than you want others to. Young people in the Cleveland area began doing just that not too long ago. Determined to influence their peers they began dressing in gowns and tuxedos to attend the opera. Somebody has to start the trend at church too and might as well be you.

Determine over whom you have influence such as with your children. Have them dress at least modestly and neatly. Use the same influence that you have with them to get up, dress well,and get to school.

Inspire dressing well in the day school and CCD if possible. A priest friend was telling me about a trip he made with his youth group to this last weekend Steubenville. The school was taking a stance against short shorts. They explained it well and in depth and told offenders that if they were going to attend the retreat, they would have to change clothes. One girl wrote about her experience at the retreat, “I am a human being. I am not for sale!” The priest was so moved by her revelation that he hung the note up in his office.

If someone is staying at your house, gently encourage them about dress. “You might want to bring some nice clothes because we will be going to mass on Sunday.”

Find ways to make dressing appropriately inviting. If people feel they are being ostracized they will either fight getting dressed up or stop coming to mass altogether. Rather than putting, “You people look like a bunch of hoodlums,” in the bulletin invite people to help others know of the importance of the mass by their signs of reverence, one of which is dressing up. On certain occasions invite people to dress particularly well such as, “Show your parish spirit! Next Sunday is the celebration of our parish feast day. Please dress up to help us celebrate!”

You get the idea. Now, about that aqua and maroon sweater that you’ve been wearing . . .