MONDAY DIARY: ALMOST EXCRUCIATINGLY TRUE STORIES: CAN YOU NAME THIS TUNE?

God sends the world blessings in ways in which we may not even be aware.  For example, I am so conflicted when it comes to assigning names that perhaps it was for the good of not messing up another human being that God called me to a vocation that required me to be a celibate.

I blame my sister Mickie for my lack in confidence for naming things.  When I was just a jot older than a foal, we got a dog.  My ever magnanimous sister offered to let me name him, which I did in an instant.

I mean, who WOULDN'T want a dog named Jonathon Benjamin?  She gave me the compromise names of either Raccoon (how THAT was a compromise I don't know) or Benny.  I chose Raccoon.  For a week.  And then was adamant about changing it to Benny which confused the entire neighborhood for six months.  As a result I have had difficulties assigning names in general every since.

When trying to name the new dog I tried to find names related to Sebastian.  They had crazy names back then.

The compromise name this time was Archer.  But . . . gee . . . this dog was just NOT an Archer.  Besides the upraised eyebrows of people thinking that he was named after the cartoon, far too many people kept saying, "Cool name.  Wrong dog."

So it was changed to G. K. Chesterton.  Chester for short.

And I like Chester.  People seem to go "Awwwww" when they hear it.  But is he a Chester?  You know, I don't know if he is the brightest bulb in the chandelier,  but I see potential in him.  He's just like St. Thomas Aquinas during is "Dumb Ox" stage.

MONDAY DIARY: ALMOST EXCRUCIATINGLY TRUE STORIES: I ALMOST NAMED HIM DIOCLETIAN

There is a new face in the St. Sebastian rectory.  His name is Archer.  (Get it?)  He is a black lab mix rescue just like Sebastian.  He is on a two week interview to see if he will work out.  Sebastian is going to be 11 this year and it seemed time to have a trainee come in and learn the ropes.

So far he gets along with dogs, children and adults.  He doesn't bark much.  He respects the house rules.  He and Sebastian are getting along.  The staff seems to love him.  The only thing so far is - he's a sneak pooper.

Not so Sebastian.  Everybody can tell when Sebastian is about to do his duty.  He has tell tale signs that go on forever as though he wants the world to know the creation he is about to unveil to the world.

First he takes a funny turn away from the direction we are walking.  Zig zags a couple of times.  And when he finds a tuft of grass (it's aways the same type of landscape - so much so that if you miss him creating, you'll find it by looking at the topography) Then he walks a little more - his hind legs spreading further apart with each step and then, finally, he slooooowly squats like a dainty elephant trying to sit on a small stool and remains that way long enough to read half a page of comics.

Not so Archer!  Most of the time there is no warning.  As he is trotting along it might just squirt out with no warning.  You might miss it but I guarantee you the passing car won't.  From time to time he likes to display his creations on pedestals.  If I didn't see it I wouldn't have believed it.  The other day he backed up against the base of one of the light poles and left a perfect specimen sitting on the elevated cement platform on to which the pole is bolted.  I'm glad I saw it happen because if I hadn't and saw it later I would have though someone was playing a not so funny prank on us.

What in his background before he was found brought about this behavior???  Oh well.