This quote has been a comfort to me:
“The man who knocks on the door of a brothel is knocking for God.”
It is attributed to a couple of people one of whom is G. K. Chesterton.
To get to the intended idea of this I think of a Youtube of Christopher West (where is he by the way? I haven’t heard of him lately) and he was talking about sin. Sin cannot stand on its own. It’s always a perversion of good. Evil is a state of “unbecoming.” Like a disease, it needs a host of sorts. So, he says, every sin, at its heart, is a good desire. But it has been crumpled up, disfigured, mangled, and distorted like a clean sheet of paper that has been crunched in a fist. But carefully smooth out that paper, get rid of the disfiguring and distortions and you will find the good intent.
Think of your deepest longing. Boil it all down and we desire to be fulfilled. We want joy and happiness. We want to be loved. Some people search for it in food. Food is a good thing. We need it to survive. it also taste good (most of the time.) But when we have a hole in our heart, we take this good thing like food and try to fill that hole. But it is the wrong filler and no matter how much we throw in it, it will never completely satisfy.
The guy who watches computer porn is seeking something. Un-crumple that paper and you will find a man who does not want to be rejected, who wants a person to accept him and be cooperative, who is always there, always willing, always beautiful. But ultimately it will fail to satisfy because it is not what he really needs or wants.
The danger in using these substitutes is that they are often jealous mistresses. They demand more and more attention and offer promises of redemption and fulfillment. They form habits and addictions that are difficult to kick. And in some cases we forget that we were looking for love, hope, acceptance, peace, fulfillment, peace, all the good things.
Then we try to go back to the good things, but the jealous mistress is not easily put off. Even computer games can be difficult to turn aside. “The worst thing about sin is that the body remembers.” “Board are you?” asks the body, “I remember something that made you feel better the last time you felt this way.”
“Yeah, but I felt miserable afterwords for all of the wasted time.”
“It will be different this time. We’ll only play for a little bit. You can handle it. I HATE being bored.”
So how is the man who is knocking on the door of the brothel knocking for God? There is something missing in his life. There is a hole. If he were loved as well as able to love well, if he were not addicted, if there were not a hole, the thought of an anonymous night, in a dangerous place, spending money, risking disease, risking being found out, treating another human as an object, would never enter his mind.
Ultimately, when we smooth out that piece of paper, even he wants heaven.