MONDAY DIARY: ALMOST EXCRUSIATINGLY TRUE STORIES - HOW TO GET A BLOODY NOSE IN THREE EASY STEPS

I am a professional.  Please do not try this at home.

This happened a couple of years ago not too terribly long after I got Sebastian.  If you would like to recreate this even you will need the following items:

The great thing about Sebastian is that he taught himself almost everything he knows save for the annoying tricks that my sister taught him such as "getting the mail" which means now nobody can walk through the rectory carrying paper of any sort with having to give Sebastian at lease one piece.

Anyway, one of the many things I didn't teach him but he just seemed to pick up on his own is, when on his leash, he always stays on the same side of an obstacle that I am on.  This is great.  My last dog never learned this at it was always a dual of wills who would wind back unwind the leash from sign posts, telephone poles, bushes, trees and so forth.  It was never him.

One day Sebastian didn't do this.  I don't know why.  And he seemed completely incapable of understanding that I was in the right and he was wrong and he had to back up and go around the telephone pole he had divided us with.

An otherwise bright dog, he didn't get it - or he freely chose not to get it - I'm not sure which.  It was a stand off and we would either be there until he accidentally unwound himself or I would give in and just unwrap the leash.

The problem was that I was wearing a brand new pair of shoes that still gleamed in the sun.  It was a very wet spring and the ground was soaked and very muddy.  Not wanting to stick my shoes in the mud I decided to reach around the pole and hand the leash to myself.

It was exactly and precisely at this moment that a squirrel ran across the devil strip directly in front of Sebastian.

I believe to draw the next frame would be totally gratuitous..
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And that is the true story on how I bloodied my nose on a dog walk.