MONDAY DIARY: AN EXCRUSIATINGLY TRUE STORY ABOUT LENT

So there is a group at the parish that started working out at the parish the first Monday of lent.  I should point out that it is called "The Insanity Workout" and that they were doing it at 5:45 in the morning which is the same thing.  Fr. Pfeiffer and I decided that as part of our Lenten practice that we would join them.  There is a lot of sacrifice involved here (did I mention the words "insanity" and five-forty five) - and the whole idea of "body as a temple of the Holy Spirit - and so it seemed like a perfectly good Lenten resolve.

Anyhoo, the first day my alarm clock goes off and I pry myself out of bed.  Sebastian walked out of his closet for a moment, took one look at me and (I swear he rolled his eyes) went back to bed.  I dutifully got dressed and started turning on lights in the house.  There was NO sign of Fr. Pfeiffer so I went and knocked his door.  NO RESPONSE.  "Fine," I thought to myself, "This will just give me ammunition to make fun of him later," and I set off for our gym.

Something seemed strange as I approached the building.  There were no cars in the parking lot.

I had miss-set my alarm clock.

After an hour nap both Fr. Pfeiffer and I show up in the gym and the work out began.  My poor body, not having worked out for about six months and having no warning was furious with me.

It was not pretty and definitely not fit for young audiences.  I made it through without either dying (to which I came close) or losing the contents of my stomach (to which I came even closer.)

That would have been Okay.  But then these monsters put in a SECOND TAPE.  "Abs Buster" or some such thing.  All I wanted to do was head back to the rectory and rock in a corner with my arms around my knees if I could still find them but NOBODY ELSE LEFT so of course I witjh all my male pride could not leave either.  I think this time I did die for short period of time.

Fr. Pfeiffer fared MUCH better than I did.  I like to think it was because he was much better prepared than I.

However, I think the real reason is that he is ten years younger.
One of the guys stopped me on the way out with a piece of advice.

I thought he was a bit touched. 

Turns out he was a prophet.  But then again, all prophets are a bit touched.

Life didn't get much better after that.  I have a very heavy chalice that I like to use during lent.  I almost couldn't lift it during the consecration.

As the week went on things got better - not the least of which I became an expert at walking down steps backwards.  I am also considering becoming a poster child for a pain relief cream that someone recommended.  Truthfully, I am amazed that by waking up at 5AM I am getting more done by 11:00AM than I used to get done by 4:00PM.  Of course I am a brain-dead zombie by 9:00PM.

Ahhh - so this is what it is to be 46.

Monday starts week II.

Dear Jesus, if you can hang on a cross for three hours for me, I can do this for you.