BRUTUS OF THE NORTH POLE
The other thing (I can’t believe this) is the concern over his, “Ho! Ho! Ho!” Interestingly enough according to our recent poll a significant group of people find this offensive. This is serious. It is his trademark saying. My personal recommendation is that we weather the storm for now. I got a feeling that if we change too soon, the storm will blow over, people will say that we were nuts for caving and demand it back. By that time he will have developed a new trademark and it would be hard for him to go back. He is not a big fan of change.
The big concern that my office is handling right now is trying to help people remember that this season is really about the birth of Christ. Santa is all upset that he as gift giver is upstaging the Giver of Life, Savior of the Universe. Changing this is not as easy as you might think. It was my idea a few years ago to have Santa publicly kneel down before the manger and worship Christ to
show the proper order of things. It worked for about ten minutes and then it spread like cheap margarine and soon there were depictions of this everywhere like those “witches flying into a telephone pole” things at All Hollow’s Eve. Soon people even had “Santa’s” walking into mass – INTO MASS – to reenact the moment. Think THAT kept people’s attention on Jesus . . . ?
Anyway, we had a meeting about a month ago right here in this office around this old knotty table. It is about as old as the factory itself, but I love this table. It is worn smooth and wavy from heavy use over the years. It has thick, ornately carved legs in the shape of polar bear paws. It was on this table that the Christmas concordant was signed between the Vatican and Santa giving Santa the right in certain countries to deliver Christmas cheer to people on Christ mass day. If you look closely beneath the polar bear paws there is a ball and on each one is a symbol of Christ representing the foundation upon which all of this is built. Pretty cool huh? Helps me keep things in perspective.
Plus it’s short.
Santa sat at the far end in his throne like chair. He rested his chin on his fist with his elbow on knee since the table was too short for him and messaged his forehead with his other hand. All of us in the public relations department sat around the other sides of the table with me at the far end.
“What are we going to do?” he asked in a pained voice. “It is getting to the point where I completely outshine Jesus. This is so far outside the concordant that I fear bad things ahead.”
“I have an idea,” said Pinky and everyone growled. He’s a great one for ideas. It was his thought to do the, “Put the CHRIST back in CHRISTmas” campaign. That (and a couple of other marketing goofs) has led to the all but banned use of even the WORD Christmas by most people in the United States. Needless to say he remained quiet.
Several other people suggested a few things but they were all thrown out as causing more problems than they solved.
That is when Santa leaned down and pounded a fist on the table and made a grand pronouncement. I remember thinking that the mark the ring on his finger made on the tabletop would stand forever as a memorial to this moment when this decision was made. “If we can’t get people to stop paying more attention to us than to Christ, then we will stop! We will not deliver
any more presents; I won’t make any more appearances! Let it be known from this moment on that I will not longer be a distraction from Christmas!”
Of course we all started chattering. “You can’t do that!” was the crux of most of the comments, not the least reason being that then we would all be out of a job. Can you see our applications? “Previous job experience: Elf: (or worker of undisclosed height) North Pole.” Besides most of the jobs are moving toward the warmer climates, not easy to get used to when you’ve spent most of your life in the coldest.
“Stop!” Santa bellowed. “No more discussion. Now I’ve got a sick reindeer to check up on. You,” he pointed at me, “figure out how to handle this.”
The big concern that my office is handling right now is trying to help people remember that this season is really about the birth of Christ. Santa is all upset that he as gift giver is upstaging the Giver of Life, Savior of the Universe. Changing this is not as easy as you might think. It was my idea a few years ago to have Santa publicly kneel down before the manger and worship Christ to
show the proper order of things. It worked for about ten minutes and then it spread like cheap margarine and soon there were depictions of this everywhere like those “witches flying into a telephone pole” things at All Hollow’s Eve. Soon people even had “Santa’s” walking into mass – INTO MASS – to reenact the moment. Think THAT kept people’s attention on Jesus . . . ?Anyway, we had a meeting about a month ago right here in this office around this old knotty table. It is about as old as the factory itself, but I love this table. It is worn smooth and wavy from heavy use over the years. It has thick, ornately carved legs in the shape of polar bear paws. It was on this table that the Christmas concordant was signed between the Vatican and Santa giving Santa the right in certain countries to deliver Christmas cheer to people on Christ mass day. If you look closely beneath the polar bear paws there is a ball and on each one is a symbol of Christ representing the foundation upon which all of this is built. Pretty cool huh? Helps me keep things in perspective.
Plus it’s short.
Santa sat at the far end in his throne like chair. He rested his chin on his fist with his elbow on knee since the table was too short for him and messaged his forehead with his other hand. All of us in the public relations department sat around the other sides of the table with me at the far end.
“What are we going to do?” he asked in a pained voice. “It is getting to the point where I completely outshine Jesus. This is so far outside the concordant that I fear bad things ahead.”
“I have an idea,” said Pinky and everyone growled. He’s a great one for ideas. It was his thought to do the, “Put the CHRIST back in CHRISTmas” campaign. That (and a couple of other marketing goofs) has led to the all but banned use of even the WORD Christmas by most people in the United States. Needless to say he remained quiet.
Several other people suggested a few things but they were all thrown out as causing more problems than they solved.
That is when Santa leaned down and pounded a fist on the table and made a grand pronouncement. I remember thinking that the mark the ring on his finger made on the tabletop would stand forever as a memorial to this moment when this decision was made. “If we can’t get people to stop paying more attention to us than to Christ, then we will stop! We will not deliver
any more presents; I won’t make any more appearances! Let it be known from this moment on that I will not longer be a distraction from Christmas!”Of course we all started chattering. “You can’t do that!” was the crux of most of the comments, not the least reason being that then we would all be out of a job. Can you see our applications? “Previous job experience: Elf: (or worker of undisclosed height) North Pole.” Besides most of the jobs are moving toward the warmer climates, not easy to get used to when you’ve spent most of your life in the coldest.
“Stop!” Santa bellowed. “No more discussion. Now I’ve got a sick reindeer to check up on. You,” he pointed at me, “figure out how to handle this.”
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