WITH THIS ($5,000) RING (AND THE ASSISTANCE OF 43 PAID PROFESSIONSALS) I THEE WED

How about some lighter fare today?

Wedding season is hitting again. Take cover.

Bring up weddings to priests in private and they will all moan and roll their eyes. But truth be told, if you have a couple that you actually know, they are into the faith, and they actually get what is going on, weddings can be great experiences even for priests. But like a rotten apple, it only takes one a year to make you twice shy about all weddings.

When I was a kid, I used to be the organist at my parish. I was not all that good. I was actually a trumpeter who had a couple of months of piano lessons, but as with most of the unusual jobs that I have had, someone was desperate for a warm body to fill the postion. Though it never bothered me to play in front of even a few hundred people, it terrified me to play for weddings. Sitting down at the consol I would begin to sweat and shake as if I had the plague. Things only became worse when videographers started becoming regular fixtures at weddings. Did you know that the average engagement lasts sixteen months? During that sixteen months the bride will typically spend her time starving herself, exercising and in general half killing herself to become the most perfect image of herself she can be and no little less effort goes into the wedding day. So with videographers recording every moment of the special day, every little mistake I made was captured for posterity; a forever reminder that I ruined what was supposed to be the bride’s one perfect day. Talk about pressure.

On the way back from hospital visits yesterday NPR aired a program about weddings. Apparently the average wedding in the United States today costs about $28,000.00. That is more than what I paid for my last two cars combined. It also takes the efforts of approximately 43 professionals not include the stress therapists. (It is also interesting to note that many of the professionals do not get along well with each other and they run with scissors.)

I would like to say that priests are much more sensible when it comes to such things, but they are not. * ahem * I was not. After ordination there was dinner and dance at the Slovenian Center Ballroom. The next day after the first mass there was a sit down dinner at the parish followed by benediction. Then, after the Serra dinner, there was a trip to Slovenia where there was yet another mass and banquet. It was all ludicrously out of hand. I became much happier when I decided that it was more about other people than myself and stopped worrying about everything, let others do as they will, and concentrated on just enjoying the whole thing.

The 1963 book entitled American Catholic Etiquette by Kay Toy Fenner recommends this for a priest’s reception:

“(It) is a reception in the family home on the afternoon of the day of the First Mass. This might merely be a large family style dinner, served either at the table or buffet style, to which relatives are invited, or a reception which may include a larger number of people.

“The atmosphere of such a gathering is friendly and informal. The entrance door may be left open or ajar, and guests may let themselves in without ringing to announce their arrival. . . . The priest’s mother and the young priest (I was 33, a bad year for Jesus) stand near the entrance to the living rooms. They greet the arriving guests and the priest may give them his blessing at that time if he wishes.”

I love the menu suggestions:

Fresh fruit cup
Chicken Eugenie Asparagus, butter sauce
Strawberry mousse

Jellied consommé
Rock game hen Wild rice
Endive Salad
Meringues glaces

I had:

Noodle soup
Chicken and sausage
Coleslaw
Strudel

Miss Manner’s Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior begins describing a wedding in this fashion: “Q. When is the correct time for a bride to get prenuptial jitters, who should be present, where should each person stand, what should they wear, and does this even require a separate present? This is the only ingredient Miss Manners can imagine that has not yet been codified into the marathon of wedding events recommended by florists, photographers, social consultants, and other such well-wishers.”

“A wedding seems like a series of possible accidents waiting to happen” – This American Life

Some of my favorite weddings have been intimate exchange of vows in the chapel with a small gathering of people or a larger, more extravagant wedding, but one in which the ceremony was truly an extension of the spirituality of the bride and groom. Instead of the religious aspect just being a “God prop” or a necessary evil to appease and add atmosphere, it is the point of the day, the cause of all the celebrating.

Of course the same could be said of First Holy Communions and Confirmations too, more being a cause of parties and of collecting envelopes rather than a holy moment marked by family and friends with a celebration afterwards.

It all comes down to this: Is the Eucharist the focus, the source and summit of our lives for it is then that our celebrations, no matter what form they take, acquire a life and meaning and true joy.