THEY SAY THAT BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

Adieu, Adieu, parting is such sweet sorrow.

Unless it’s not.

Sometimes it is just a total pain.

Divorce today for practicing Catholics seems a lot like what pre-marital sex used to be. (Stick with me.) First, there is this vague notion that you are doing something really wrong. It is not talked about in any official manner. You get your information on the street and much of it can be completely false. After the deed is done you might feel guilty and wonder about the state of your soul which is accompanied by a certain uneasiness about approaching clergy concerning what happened for fear of what he might think or say.

At my last assignment I gave a one-night seminar on divorce, annulments, and remarriage in an effort to help people overcome the above anxieties. It was well attended although there was not one person there who needed an annulment. They all knew someone who did however. The following couple of months we were inundated with requests for decrees of nullity. In that vein, here are some basics about nullity cases to help set the record straight.

To begin, marriage by the state is largely a contractual union. That is two individuals are held together in a contract. As long as they both abide by the contract (or are willing to overlook discrepancies) the contract is valid and binding. If something goes wrong (and this is a gross oversimplification but helps with the point) then they can break the contract and, if they choose, engage in another contract with a third party.

This varies greatly from Christian marriage. Christian marriage is not contractual it is covenantal. Call to mind the Scripture passage, “. . .and the two shall become one. So they are no longer two, but one. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10; 8,9). This union is “a solemn agreement . . . involving mutual commitments and guarantees” (CCC glossary,) a public vow of laying down one’s life for another. This binding is not “unless and until part of a stipulation of a contract is violated” but until “death do us part,” (or for the more squeamish, “all the days of our lives.”) And in the end, what commodity do have that is more valuable than our good word?

This unity cannot be broken by anyone, not even the Church (let no man put asunder.) The Church does not recognize the state’s right to declare two people no longer married. You can say differently all you want, but the fact will remain that they are still one. It is not in the state’s competence to decree on the status of sacraments, as it is not in the Church’s competence to decree on what day trash pick will be. The only the thing that the Church recognizes about divorce is the legal separation of property. As far as the Church is concerned, you are still married and are even eligible for participating in the sacraments so long as you do not become involved with another person outside of the marriage for which a divorce was obtained.

That being said, you are probably more than aware of practicing Catholics who have divorced and have been remarried sacramentally within the Church. These are persons who have received a decree of nullity in their vows to their former spouse. A decree of nullity is quite a bit different from a divorce. A divorce brings a contractual marriage to an end (though there may be lingering obligations extending into the future) whereas a decree of nullity states that there was something essential to the basic Christian definition of marriage that was missing in the union from its inception rendering it a non-sacramental union.

What this doesn’t mean: This does not mean that children born of the union will be considered illegitimate. Canon law stipulates that individuals are never to be labeled as such. All persons are “legitimate” by virtue of their being. It does not mean that there were not loving or happy moments between the former spouses. It does not mean that they are failures or bad Catholics just for seeking a decree of nullity.

What it does mean: There was a tragic flaw in the relationship and we are simply recognizing the fact that there was something essential to marriage that was missing. It would be like having mass, for example, and everything seemed to be right on the mark, but instead of wine, there was grape juice and Necco wafers instead of hosts. Later investigation would say though the congregants were fed by the Word, the music was great, the preaching commendable, since the Eucharistic elements were missing, there was no sacrament. In like manner, the decree of nullity is simply recognizing what is there and what was not.

Having to go through the nullity process is not a punishment. In the end, it is about not only protecting the integrity of marriage and the sacraments, but the integrity of your word, and possibly protecting people in the future, which we will see later.

To be continued . . .

YOU CAN'T MAKE A SILK PURSE OUT OF A SOW'S EAR

The Church cannot nullify a marriage nor can it make a saint.

 

Really.

 

Talk to certain conical lawyer type friends of mine and they get their ecclesial underwear in a bunch if you start talking about getting somebody an annulment.

 

“No such thing!  It’s misleading!”

 

Their point is that “granting someone an annulment” sounds a little bit too much like the Church was able to take something both licit and valid and magically turn it into something that never existed.  This is something that the Church has no ability to do and why they make such a big fuss in the nullity process. 

 

“A better way of putting it is that a person is applying for a declaration of nullity.”

 

What’s the difference you ask?  The first case sounds a bit more like the Church granting something beyond its power.  The second case is closer to the truth of the Church recognizing something that, in reality, exists.  That is why whatever it is that may be grounds for a decree of nullity must be present, in some fashion, from the beginning of the marriage.  There was a significant defect in the vows that prevented the union from being what it should be.  In a decree of nullity the Church merely recognizes what exists (or, in the case, does not exist.)

 

It is the same thing with saints.  The Church does not “make” saints.  It recognizes saints.  And the saints that it recognizes are certainly not the only saints that there are.  I think my Mom might be a saint but that does not seem to have a universal significance.  This does not lessen the achievement.  We are all called to be saints.  But some saints continue to have a universal (or at least national) pull on our spiritual life.

 

So some of these are brought to the attention of the Church who scrutinizes them mercilessly.  It is the reason the Church looks for miracles.  You and I know God does not need saints in order to grant miracles.  But it is a great mercy of God that He allows it to happen.  In allowing a favor through, let’s say, Saint John Paul II, God accomplishes several things: shows that we are one body in Christ with Christ as the head, that life does indeed continue, and that here was a life worth living that now shares in the glory of God and you should imitate it.  It is at this point the Church feels safe in recognizing the person as an official saint, but it does not “make” them a saint.

IT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE IT BUT IT'S ABOUT HEALING

Posts have been made here before about cases of nullity for marriages or as it is more commonly known annulments. That being the case here are just a couple of brief comments and some good news.

The Catholic Church does not annul any marriages. It never has and never will. It does not have the power to do so. If some corrupt official would venture to annul a valid marriage it would not matter one jot because “What God has joined, no man must put asunder.”

What the Catholic Church does do is that it recognizes, proves, and brings forth what actually exists. If, for example, a two people were to marry who were far too young and/or immature to truly make the sacramental commitment to marriage the Church would recognize this fact. For a marriage to be true the two persons must 1)know what they are getting into, 2)understand it, and 3)freely choose it. So all those Romantic novels of princesses being forced to say, “I do” are malarkey for the marriage would not have been recognized anyway.

If you have been civilly divorced please consider getting a declaration of nullity. So many times an excited older couple will come into my office and want to get married but have at least one (maybe more) marriages between them. Unfortunately at that point we will have to start a case for nullity even before we can talk about marriage. And a formal case may take over six months.

The Tribunal of the Diocese of Cleveland has started a tremendous new program called Quick Start. You could always simply meet with your local priest but with Quick Start you will meet with a diocesan expert who can help you get your case rolling much more efficiently and answer your questions much better.

Yes – there is a fee involved and for good reason. But NOBODY HAS EVER BEEN DENIED THE CHANCE FOR A DECLARATION OF NULLITY BASED ON AN ABILITY TO PAY.

So what are you waiting for? Check out more here.

THEY SAY THAT BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO II

Continuing on the topic of annulments.

So who needs a decree of nullity? Anyone who was married to another party in any church, by any recognized civil official, or by common law and now wishes to marry in the Catholic Church. Anyone. ANYONE. If a pagan was formally married to another pagan by a justice of the peace on a boat off the coast of the middle of nowhere, was divorced and now wishes to marry a Catholic, that person will need an annulment. If it was a Catholic whose first marriage was not even recognized in the Church and that person now wishes to be married in the Church to another party, that person needs an annulment.

When should a decree of nullity be applied for? After a divorce has been received and as soon after as you are ready. My personal recommendation is that you do it sooner rather than later. Who knows what God has in store for you and there is a minimum six-month preparation period in the Diocese of Cleveland. Other diocese will have similar stipulapulations and a date for marriage cannot be put on the books until it is determined that you are actually free to marry. Clevelanders are fortunate in that they have a good tribunal and even the most difficult cases can be handled in about six to eight months. But it is not until after this period that the six-month wedding preparation period may begin!

What can be expected of you in the process? You will need to meet with a person at the parish (most likely a priest) who will be the procurator for your case. His first job will be to determine what kind of annulment you require. Some are very simple and quick; others known as formal cases are more involved. It will be your job to collect the requisite paperwork (such as marriage certificates and divorce decrees), and information, which in some cases is little, in others a little more involved.

Your case is then sent to the Church tribunal. Note that only paperwork goes to the Church court, no persons are called in. In a formal case you will be asked for witnesses and they may be contacted by letter to give witness by answering questions and mailing it in.

It is all right if the former spouse refuses to cooperate. It is helpful but not absolutely necessary. There is no need to worry that they might try to sabotage the process. The judges in the court have seen it all a thousand times and are experts and sorting through the rubble. Remember: their goal is to help you move forward with you life.

Perhaps the most persistent “urban legend” about the process concerns the exorbitant fees involved. The point in fact is that you have a right to apply for a decree of nullity regardless of your ability to pay the requested donation. The reason for the donation is that this office is obviously not a parish and therefore does not have any income. Lights still have to be turned on, people still need to be paid, office supplies still need to be purchased and so on. Some fees are rather minimal. The most expensive is for the formal case which requires the most time and effort. In the diocese of Cleveland as of June 2007 it is $450. If the amount cannot be met, payments can be made in installments, a lesser fee might be negotiated, or in cases of great need, the fee is waved altogether. The ability to pay has absolutely no bearing on the outcome of the case or the speed in which it is processed. If the person with whom you are working is telling you anything too far off of this mark, get away from him and go to another parish to apply.

Why is the Church sticking its nose into this business? It arose from necessity. Originally you did not need a priest even to marry. You needed vows and two witnesses. But that allowed for a lot of abuse. One could find ways to say that he was never married, or pay witnesses to say that he was married, or skip town and marry another. So the Church started having official witnesses (and indeed I only witness marriage, the couple are their own ministers.) We also started keeping records for the same reason.

Likewise there can be many abuses in the dissolving of a marriage. Is a couple splitting up for legitimate reasons or is someone just being dumped? Is the sacrament being respected? Is the other person (and children) being properly taken care of? Should one or the other of the persons of the marriage have serous counseling before being allowed to be married in the Catholic Church again? In the end, it is about protecting the people involved and the integrity of marriage as a sacrament. It may seem like over kill in the United States, but the Catholic Church is more than the United States.

Perhaps the nullity process is not as great as it could be. There might be far better ways of handling it. But this is what we have. And it works. Of the many nullit cases that have been completed through my office there has been only one report of a person who said it was a horrible experience and they were sorry for having gone through it. But for the most part, even those who entered into it with trepidation have said that it helped them sort out what happened and to bring some clarity not only about the past but the future and are glad for the feeling of reconciliation and being able to start over again.

This is the end of the posts on annulments for now. If you have further questions contact your local parish or if you would rather, you can leave a comment over the next week or for more private questions you may Email me.

God bless you on your journey.

NOW THIS IS NEWS

You probably heard a lot about annulments and the Catholic Church today.

This is great news for people who want an annulment but is meeting with mixed reviews by those who will be in charge of granting them.  So here are a couple of things to keep in mind while this gets sorted out.

1. The Church is not in the business of granting annulments, the state is.  Tell a canon lawyer that you want an annulment and he will sigh and roll his eyes and say as much.  It is impossible for the Church to nullify a marriage, the Church can simply recognize that there was a "fatal flaw" of sorts and that a sacramental marriage was never truly established.  

2. Pope Francis wants the costs greatly reduced.  In many places, such as the Diocese of Cleveland, it is already a free service of the diocese.  But for those in other places this is great news.

Now to be sure, the nullity process is cumbersome and I have long wished that it could be simplified. But part of the lengthening of the process was to put safeguards in place to protect the people involved as well as the upholding of the sanctity and indissolubility of marriage.  So now, many of the safeguards that were put in to place to make sure that there were no abuses to the system are being removed which will greatly cut down on the time and fuss.  

If I read correctly, the final buck stops with the bishop to make the final call (there has GOT to be a way around this) instead of a Tribunal judge.  The bishop must already confirm every Catholic in the diocese, approve all major work projects, run seminaries, hospitals, and school systems, speak out on important topics, and a billion other things that I won' even think of (please. Lord, NEVER make me a bishop) and now he must determine every nullity case in the diocese.  So now, not only does he have to review every case, there is now a time limit set by the pope.  How careful will a bishop be able to be?

So here is the problem that each bishop much work out before December 9th:

1. You will have to find a new way to pay for this process.

2. You will have to personally find a way to handle the cases.

3. You must do it more quickly.

It reminds me of a sign I saw in store once: 

You may pick two of the following:

You may have your project done - 

       1. Quickly

       2. Cheaply

       3. Well

Alright bishops:  There is your mandate.  You do not get to choose to you must do all three.

I am both excited about this and worried.  

FIVE THINGS MANY CATHOLICS TEND TO GET WRONG

We haven't has a quiz for a very, very long time.  How about one today?

True or False?

1. If you are divorced, you may not go to communion.

Being divorced has no status whatsoever because the Church does not recognize legal divorce except for the legal separation of property.  If a person does not act as though they are single (by dating etc) before they receive a decree of nullity, they may go to communion.  So the answer is false.

2. The Sign of Peace at Mass is not mandatory.

Recently Rome was asked this question and they responded that occasionally the sign of peace should even be skipped.  So the answer is true.

3. It is still Church law not to eat meat on Friday.

The bishops of the United States said that if you want to eat meat on Friday, you should do another penance instead.  So the answer is true but with qualifications.

4. Purgatory is a theological construct that was never an official part of Church teaching largely done away with after Vatican II.  It's purpose was to take a stab at understanding God's mercy in difficult situations.

The reports of Purgatory's demise are great exaggerated.  It is and always has been an official teaching of the Catholic Church though largely misunderstood.  The above description is a better answer for the idea of Limbo.  So the answer is false.

5.  Lectors and Acolytes are official offices in the Church into which one must be installed by the bishop and are not open to lay people.

Most of the people that you see reading at and serving Mass are not lectors and acolytes, they are readers and altar servers.  It is true that there is an actual office of lector and acolyte but they are open to lay persons though, for various reasons, bishops tend not to install them.  In fact, there was a long tradition of actual acolytes serving at our cathedral until a former bishop decided to bring the practice to an end.  For all these reasons the above statement is false.

OF COURSE YOU KNOW THIS MEANS WAR from BUGS BUNNY

Politics have been the cause of so many wars in history. It is obvious that politics are bad for human beings. Therefore it is my recommendation that we should get rid of all politics.

While we are at it we should get rid of all land ownership, ethnic differences, wealth, power, natural resources, national pride, and national memories. All of these have caused numerous wars over the centuries. We cannot live with it any longer! It is time we rid ourselves of all these things!

I hope you get my point. I made the mistake of listening to the radio concerning the Pope’s visit to England (to which he was invited by the way.) The ranting about how evil he and the Catholic Church are was at fever pitch. I will give kudos to the program for bringing some non-disgruntled Catholics on to give other views of the visit – quite an unusual event in and of itself. But to the rest of it I just kept telling myself, “Just listen so that you can speak intelligently about this,” but it was just one unsubstantiated, illogical diatribe after another. I have absolutely no problem with someone who wants to engage in a conversation about any topic calmly and intelligently, but this reached to point of ridiculousness.

I can’t even go into everything that was said but one guest on the show – not a call in – went on at length about how religion should be wiped off the face of the earth because it has been the cause of death and war for centuries. He was so worked up that the host had to turn off his microphone and move on. Has God and religion been cited as reasons to go to war and/or to rally troops? Yes. Absolutely. Even by popes and leaders of other religions. But does that mean that religion leads to war? Hardly.

There are two things to consider here. One is similar to reasons people give for leaving the Church. There is usually the presenting problem. For example; “I think the Church is unfair and uncaring about (blank),” and there is usually the real problem, “I was divorced, remarried without a decree of nullity, my new spouse wants nothing to do with it, we already have a kid, the Church won’t make it all go magically away and my parents are on my back.” Much easier to point at the evil Church than to take responsibility for one’s actions.

In war it may be that someone is saying, “This is a holy war! Fight on for God and for the Right!” That is the presenting reason whereas the real reason is, “They have oil!” or “We want that land” or “I want to be richer and more powerful!” I mean, let’s be serious. Let’s take the case of a radical Christian (not a person who simply does as he wills yet claims to be a Christian and acting for Christ.) If you are a radical follower of Christ you embrace poverty, you glory in your weaknesses, you fail to see but Christ in another, you are moved to forgiveness and reconciliation and love of your enemy, and turning the other cheek. So does it sound remotely like someone who goes to war can truly declare they do so on behalf of Christianity alone? Only a simpleton would think so.

Of course we could make reference to even wars sanctioned or declared by the Church. It is always dangerous and completely unfair to judge anybody of past generations by the morays of the present. If you want to judge a war one cannot sit comfortably in their armchair with their cup of mocha and expound upon the horribleness of past epochs going to war over things they do not approve of without experiencing at least through the lens of historian the fear of, let’s say, a barbarian invasion in a time of little to no communication that, at least to their minds, seems to threaten the very existence of civilization itself.

Or say that Rome is sacked (yet again) and the Vatican is taken over and used for some other reason. Radically I don’t think Jesus would care one jot. But many people not on the level of Jesus would. We might think it Okay to go in and relieve Rome from her distress (which is actually at least partly our distress) but generations from now (especially if we should fail in our mission) might say, “See how they invaded our nation! Killed our people! Tried to suppress us!” and no doubt there would multitudes listening to their car radios nodding their heads and saying, “Yes! See! We should get rid of religion!”

Let us suppose for a moment that we could wave wand and get rid of all religious beliefs. Say I could wave it over the Middle East and like that – ZAP – all religious fervor is gone. Does anybody really think that all of the war would stop? Do they really think that it is really just about religion? And without those who really practice what their religion says do they really think we would do better without those who would say, “But if you are serious about religion we are really going too far!”

Well, anyway, that is what was rushing through my mind as I listened to the radio and since the only one who could hear me was Sebastian I thought that I would let at least part of it out here.

Believe me . . . Sebastian heard a lot more.

CALL TO OBEDIENCE

About a week ago I got an Email from an eager and sincere young man who was writing me about his enthusiasm for our current president and how he was going to do everything in his power to make sure that he is reelected. I wrote back with some concerns that I had about the current administration’s policies.

In a counter Email he asked what I thought about Fr. Helmut and he was supposing that we were on opposite sides. Admitting that I did not know the priest he sent me a link at which I could get up to speed.

For those of you who do not know Fr. Helmut is head of an Austrian organization of priests named, “Call to Disobedience.” Among other things they demand that the Church change (else they fear that the 300 priests who signed a petition plus others might have no choice but to break away from the Church) was the call to a married priesthood, a female priesthood, communion for those even non-Catholic persons who are divorced and remarried to a Catholic without a declaration for nullity, rejecting the notion that a priest should be the one to preach at Mass, and a host of other topics along the same lines. In other words, the Catholic Church should do what just about every other Christian Church has already done. We see how well that has worked out.

You can read more about this movement here and here.

The gentleman that sent me the article was correct, we probably are not on the same page concerning these issues. The Church has spoken definitively on these issues and quite frankly I am Okay with them. Even the title, “Call to Disobedience” causes me to step back and pause. Direct disobedience has never been a recipe for sainthood. One might find someone standing up to something unjust, but not against a teaching of the Church. (It gets a little confusing since some of these practices are theological in nature and some are disciplinary.) After all, how did Jesus win for us our salvation? By being perfectly obedient – something we were incapable of doing. If we want to follow in His footsteps how do we do it? In some areas there may be very legitimate causes for change but do you incite a call for disobedience? How can the Church reconcile to that? “A house divided against itself . . .” It is a call not only to disobedience but to disunity a kin to the Protestant Reform which continues to be a scandal in to the Christian Church that Jesus calls “to be one.”

 

Is it true however that if we did these things that the Austrian priests called us to, would things be better? There was an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal recently which you can find here that talked about this entitled, “Traditional Catholicism Is Winning.” Not that this is a game or that someone wins at another’s expense. But it does tell about some interesting trends concerning the Church in the United States. Consider these:

As mainline Protestantism is in decline the Catholic Church has grown from 55million in 1980 to 77.7 million.

There are 5,000 more priests in the world today than there were in 1999.

There were 467 ordinations in the U. S. last year, up from 442 two decades ago.

Where is the Church growing? In dioceses with a strong and orthodox bishop who is not shy about being Catholic and who invites others to live as authentically.

If I may quote the article:

“This aging generation of progressives continues to lobby church leaders to change Catholic teachings on reproductive rights, same-sex marriages and women’s ordination. But it is being replaced by younger men and women who are attracted to the church because of its teachings.

“They are attracted to the philosophy, the art, the literature and the theology that make Catholicism countercultural. They are drawn to the beauty of the liturgy and the church’s commitment to the dignity of the individual. They want to be contributors to that commitment – alongside faithful and courageous bishops who ask them to make sacrifices. It is time for Catholics to celebrate their arrival.”

After sending me the link to the article about the priest of Call to Disobedience, he asked me to pray for him “if I am able.”

Of course I am.

And pray for me too.

TUESDAY QUOTE OF THE WEEK CXII

FINDING TRUTH WHEREVER IT MAY BE FOUND: "Safety is the greatest risk of all because safety leaves no room for miracles and miracles are the only sure thing in life." from the movie, "Miracle at Santa Anna."

QUOTE II - "Sometimes we must give up the life we planned in order to live the life we have." Donna Shaw.

IN OTHER NEWS:

I have been inundated recently with questions about decrees of nullity within the Church so to help further clear up any misunderstandings out there here is a link to an old post on the topic.

The Diocese of Cleveland Enewsletter asks, "Did you know, Worldwide Marriage Encounter is for couples who have good marriages and want to make them better? Discover ways to deepen your communication and spirituality on the weekend."

Michal Moreno writes in to say, "As you may know, Pope Benedict XVI is about to embark on a pilgrimage tour in Israel in a mission of peace and reconciliation. His Holiness defined his pilgrimage to the Holy Land as a visit to the birthplace of the Christian faith.
The Pontiff’s pilgrimage will take him to Jerusalem, Nazareth and Bethlehem, and will take place between May 11th and May 15th 2009.

"In order to provide catholics around the world with as much information as possible regarding the pope visit, the Israel Ministry of tourism has set up a website that will cover all the planned pilgrimage details, and supply news and updates on the pope visit to Israel in real-time."

He also pointed out this video on Youtube:



Talia left a comment on the AA post, "THE HAPPIEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE." She reported, "I had a lovely wedding with a beautiful groom who still loves me, and a gorgeous, memorable day that was funny and perfect at once. Everything was fairytale perfect (thanks to the lovely planner I got from http://www.gatheringguide.com/ec/event_planners.html) and while we might not sell tabloids on our story, it's still a happy example. Love doesn't have to be serious or somber to be perfect."

I think we may have another Catholic Carnival on our hands. RAnn writes to say, "I am the author of This, That and the Other Thing. This is an invitation to you to participate in Sunday Snippets--A Catholic Carnival. This will be a weekly meme in which bloggers can highlight posts somehow relating to Catholicism and invite others to visit their blogs. For more information, check out this week's post."

Jenny sent in a couple of videos on "Playing for Change; Peace Through Music." This first one I tried to embed but came seem to do. Here is a link to it though. Here is the second: