WOE IS I, LORD

What do you do with that pesky sin you can’t seem to shake?  Go to confession.  Pray about it like St. Paul prayed to have the thorn removed from his side.  Maybe even the thought came that this is something with which you may have to learn to live.

Or maybe someone else needs prayer.  Maybe the only help they will receive is from you.  You know their sin, you know what a struggle it is, you know the traps, the triggers, the aftermath, the helplessness.  Who better to pray for them than one who suffers similarly?  Instead of turning inward with an attitude of “woe is I,” a prayer might be offered in earnest, “Lord, you know I understand how this person struggles.  Deliver them please.  Set them free.  Give the courage, strength, and fortitude that they need to be a better version of themselves for you.”

The problem with sin is that it is a radical turning inward; what I want, what I need.  Prayer can turn into the same thing.  Some of the prayer is great.  But if prayer becomes so focussed on the self; my pain, my regret, my cry for mercy, my wanting help to get over this desire; then it does not fully embrace the cure which is to turn outside of oneself, to radically turn outward in love, devotion, attention, and assistance.   

We are a Church of sinners.  But do we also want to be a Church of people turned in on themselves and concerned about their own problems?  Or would we rather be a Church that as a community tries to help each other dig ourselves out of our sins?  

Today I am sending out a prayer for assistance and mercy for all those who struggle with the same sins with which I struggle.  I love you.  More importantly, God loves you.  May you receive what you need today to carry on the good fight.

WELL, THAT WAS WIERD

It wasn’t a nightmare, but just the same it was a disturbing dream last night and its been difficult to shake.

The place of the dream was my sister’s house, the cast of characters was her cat and me.  I was working on some kind of project when it the thought came that what might solve the problem is a cat’s paw.  So I reached over to the cat, and remember, this was a dream, snapped off it’s front, right paw.  Being a dream, there was no blood, no mess, the cat didn’t even seem to mind that much.

Almost immediately it became clear that the problem with the project was not going to be solved by a cat’s paw.  It seemed so obvious that it would before hand but having done the deed, the futility of it became apparent.

Then the reality of what I had done became clear.  My sister would be home soon and she would see the cat.  There was no way to re-attach the leg even in such a wacky dream.  The cat seemed to be doing well on it’s three remaining legs and I knew that many four legged animals had lived happy lives on just three legs.  But none of the would help when my sister came home.  This was a gross act of selfishness and her disappointment was already palpable in my imagination.

The cat problem couldn’t be solved or covered up.  There was only one course of action.  I would have to confess to my selfishness.  But the thought of doing so was unbearable - that I had done something so horrible to my sister who does so much for me.  I was ashamed and desperate to find a way out but it seemed so hopeless.  I would have to face her.

Then the happy thought came that I could simply wake up.  What a relief!  And then I did much to my great joy.

It bothered me for some time after: Why would I have this dream in the first place?  The thing that clicked in my mind is that this is what facing our sins before God is like.  If we sinned and then were to see God as He is, He Who is Love, Life, Compassion, Mercy and Joy, the weight of our own sins would crush us.  They would be too much to bear.  Thanks be to God that He gave us the wonderful sacrament of confession to rid us of these terrible weights.  When we realize the gravity of our sins, we have a way to wake from them - shake them off with the morning dreams, and start anew.  

HOW TO WIN A WAR

 

What is the best way to get over a chronic sin?

 

A)    Stop going to confession until you have it handled?

B)    Skip confessing the particular sin because it is an addiction?

C)    Confess it regularly over and over and over?

 

I think intellectually Catholics would say “C” but in practice choose “A”.  It can be embarrassing and humbling to confess the same sin regularly.  It dents our self-esteem.  It bursts the bubble of our self-mastery.  But you don’t get over a toothache by avoiding the faulty tooth.  You don’t mend a relationship by taking time apart.  And healing from sin comes through the Church with touch and prayer – the interaction of persons in community with God.

 

I had a chiropractor for a spell that I would go to see when my back hurt.  I would tell him that I had some big work to do and that I didn’t come to see him until after it was done so he could fix my back.  He chided me and said that the time to come to see him was BEFORE I did the “back breaking” work so that I could do the work more healthily. 

 

Do you have a problem with sin “A”?  Go to confession at least once a month even if you don’t “need” it.  Have the graces to see you through the temptation to come.  Pray for strength when you are strong.  Don’t wait until you are lonely, angry, hungry, or tired – don’t wait until temptation is pulling on your arm and whispering in your ear.  Don’t get caught at battle time naked.  Be prepared!

 

And don’t despair the lost battle.  It is not about the battle, it is about the war.  Go to confession.  Confess boldly.  Receive your new breastplate, new sword, new helmet, and charge out into battle.  If your sword is broken or your helmet dented, come back and get a new one.  Employ what you learned in battle.  Try a new strategy.  Nerve your arms and head back out into battle.  Do so bravely, confidently, prayerfully, dutifully.  Your opponent is counting on your discouragement.  Laugh at him as you stand in the confessional line.

 

N.B.  This weekend is Divine Mercy Sunday!  Check out your parish’s confession schedule!

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO (yes) NO NO! DON'T!

There was a man being interviewed on the radio a couple of weeks ago who was making a comparison between religions. He would state a religion and then make a sweeping comment about that on which the particular faith was focused. “Catholics, of course,” he said, “are focused on sin.”

Really?

There are those – even within the Church, that think this true. But they are wrong and the gentleman who stated this, if he was interested in truth, was irresponsible.

I have been critical in the past of those who teach the faith via negative – by attempting to teach the positive by proclaiming the negative. “Don’t do this – don’t do that!” It can appear that we are a Church of “Don’t”s. The reason for this I suppose, is that it is so easy. Instead of doing the hard work of explaining and teaching the good, one simply says along the lines of, “Don’t have sex outside of marriage” and feels they have done their job. But every two year old knows the way around that. First you ask, “Why?” and get angry, then obey in order to get along, and plan to do otherwise when it is in your power to do so.

I will also grant that there are those who find their paths thwarted at every turn. “I want to have sex with someone who has not yet received a divorce.” “No.” “I want to have sex with someone who has not yet received their annulment.” “No.” “I want to have sex with someone that I am going to marry anyway in a few months.” “No.” “I no longer love my spouse and want to have sex with someone else.” “No.”

Okay – to this person the Church can seem as though it is focused on sin and is simply a dispenser of “No”s. On another station however there was the brilliant idea that a host provided for a listener concerned that they say “no” too often to their children and so wished to say “yes” to something they did not favor if only to not sound so negative all of the time. The host of the program said, “It is not you who determines how often you say ‘no,’ it is your children. They keep putting you in situations contrary to the way you wish to raise them and so force you to say, ‘no.’ My recommendation to you,” said the host, “is to keep on saying it.”

If a lifestyle is such that it always runs counter to what Christ want of us – that person will encounter a lot of “no”s and “don’t”s. It is not the Church that is focused on any particular action, it is the person.

What is the focus of the Catholic Church? Right relationship between Father and children; between our Heavenly Father and His sons and daughters. It is about coming together in unity and in holiness. “That they may be one.” It is about becoming all that God made us to be. After all, what is the whole aim of the Mass? To be as closely united to our Father, through Jesus, in the power of the Holy Spirit than we can possibly be while being properly united to each other. “Through Him (Jesus), with Him, in Him, in the UNITY of the Holy Spirit, all glory and honor is Yours Almighty Father for ever and ever.

What is sin? Sin is anything that comes between us and Father, between us and others. It is anything that brings harm into the world physically, mentally, or spiritually. Is the Church focused on sin? No! It is focused on healing, on taking away sin, on guiding you to freedom. “Go! You sins are forgiven!” is a far cry from, “Go, you wretched sinner.”

What is curious is that it is the Protestant Church whose basic tenant is that we are utterly depraved. There is nothing to wipe away our sinfulness. It is rather a sort of fiction of law that gets us into heaven. We are still full of sin but Jesus gets us into heaven anyway by covering over our sins with His holiness. It is the Catholic Church that teaches that you were created to be good and in Jesus you can be wiped clean of sin in Jesus and return to a state of goodness.

We are not focused on sin. We are focused on holiness.

DOGGONE IT!

“The poor dog, in life the firmest friend, The first to welcome, foremost to defend, Whose honest heart is still the master's own, Who labours, fights, lives, breathes for him alone, Unhonour'd falls, unnoticed all his worth, Denied in heaven the soul he held on earth, While man, vain insect hopes to be forgiven, And claims himself a sole exclusive heaven.” Lord Byron It is an amazing thing that the worst of men can have the most loyal, loving, and beautiful dogs as companions. I think of my dog (spoken of too often here I know) and his great devotion to me. He sits now looking at me just waiting. Later I shall breakfast with a friend and as I walk out the door his ears will droop as if losing his best friend. I will return and it will be as the Prodigal Son, greeted with a joy and enthusiasm all out of proportion.

Sometimes I think of evil men and their dogs. They too are greeted with great enthusiasm, they too are protected to the death, they too are afforded all the signs and symbols of love by their canine companions. Even if they abuse their charges, the dog will come back cringing and lick the hand that had earlier landed blows. I’ve often thought if life were more artistic these men would have mangy dogs with temperaments as bad as their own. You would be able to look at their dog and say, “That is a bad man. Just look at his dog!”

But such is not the case. Oh sure, there are people who form their dog to do aggressive things, but they do it because that is their training. That too is a fierce loyalty. But good men’s dogs and bad men’s dogs are devoted to their owners in a way that is all out of proportion to our ability to love. They wait hoping to be afforded a moment of attention and seem even grateful to be able to return that simple sign with an abundance of attention in return.

It seems ridiculous. Who deserves that kind of fidelity? I dare say not even the good man. But there it is. And we can take advantage of it or no. Even if forgotten and neglected, one need only turn and it is there waiting to pounce on you once again.

As wonderful as it may seem, this is only a pale symbol of the Love God has for you. The meanest, roughest, most sinful soul in the world has not lost the love of God. He waits, straining to pour out His love and forgiveness on the one who neglects His call to a deeper relationship. God never, ever stops loving us, even the most sinful and hateful of us. It is rather that we turn away from Him. We close the door. Hence the God of the most saintly one among us and the most horrid among us has a Beautiful, True, Holy, Loyal God Whose ardent desire is to overwhelm us with His love.

It seems ridiculous. Who deserves that kind of fidelity? I dare say not even the good man. But there is. And we can take advantage of it or no. Even if forgotten and neglected, one need only turn and it is there waiting to be poured out over your head and into your lap once again.

YOU MAY BURY THAT HATCHET - BUT NOBODY FORGETS WHERE THE HATCHET IS.

There was a debate on the radio on Tuesday as to whether accused Nazi death camp soldier John Demjanjuk should be deported to Germany to face war crime charges for his alleged complicity in 29,000 deaths that took place at the hands of the Nazi soldiers in World War II. Whatever your thoughts on the topic might be there is (at least) one spiritual lesson to take away from this discussion. It is spurred on by this comment made by a defender of the action of deportation and trial who happens to live in Youngstown, the city from which Demjanjuk was deported. He said that there are some things that “should never be forgotten and never forgiven.”

Lest anybody be confused, forgiving and forgetting are not Siamese twins. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that one who forgives must also forget. If every time you walked out of Mass on the weekend your pastor jumped out of the bushes and kicked you in the ankle and you very nobly said every time, “I forgive you and I forget!” next week when you walked out of the church you will be kicked in the ankle again.

Nowhere is it mentioned in Scriptures that one must needs forget NOR does it say that you must not let someone face the consequences of his actions. The most loving act in fact may be to allow another person to face the consequences of his actions that he might find opportunity to repent or amend his ways or to protect others who may be in their path of destruction. In these cases it would be foolish and unloving not to allow them to face the consequences of their actions as long as it was not matter vengeance but of justice and salvation.

What is involved in forgiving is relieving oneself of the tyranny of the other. It was said by someone, “To not forgive is like swallowing rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.” If you are for Demjanjuk going to trial it cannot be for unforgiveness and vengeance. If that is the case he (if guilty) has succeeded in transforming you into the very thing you claim to hate. If it is for justice, for pricking the conscience of the world, for giving him the opportunity to face his deeds and hopefully at least privately repent, for making a statement that as a human race we will not tolerate these actions against any human person because as men we have inherit dignity given us by our Creator, then we have no choice. But to not forgive makes us the monsters we hate.

JOHN 8:11

No matter how much I may believe in a certain principle, there are certain things that I am not capable of telling another person. Sometimes you not only have to have the right message, but you also have to be the right person.

What follows is peak into the spiritual jouney of one Catholic woman. It is her journey, but it might speak volumes to someone else and so I asked her if she would mind having it used as a guest blog and she agreed readily. Please keep her and all struggling with like issues in your prayers today.

Several months ago this blog featured the priest’s frustration at dealing with young couples preparing for marriage who roll their eyes and sigh as he explains the Church’s teaching on premarital sex and birth control. Thirty-two years ago, I was one of those young people. I am still married and have 4 wonderful children, but I recently realized that even after going to Confession and being forgiven by God, I had not forgiven myself for these sins.

So I went to Adoration and in front of the Blessed Sacrament, bared my soul to God. The first day I talked to Him about birth control. Not only did my husband and I use artificial contraception, but I took oral contraceptives. I knew birth control pills were abortifacient, but I chose to pretend that it didn’t really count. Of all the things I have ever done in my 54 years on earth, this is the one I regret the most.

Catherine Grace and Benjamin Douglas
And how many more
Poor souls conceived and then destroyed
By my selfishness.

And yet my selfishness is my loss.
What could be more intimate than nursing a baby,
Giving of myself to one who is helpless without me
Giving what only I can give,
Holding that gift from God
Looking into its tiny eyes
Counting its tiny fingers
Comforting a new creation
Not quite comfortable in this world

I’ll never be able to do that again.
Yes, I will have the chance to hold a baby
But not flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone.
I will have a chance to feed a baby
But never suckle it at my breast.

More than a sexual union
I think that this is the intimacy of the Eucharist…
God, reaching down
Looking us tenderly in the eye
And feeding us from his body and blood.

I had a chance to share in that mystery four times,
But how many more could there have been?

And even that is selfish, Lord.
What about the poor innocent souls
Who never got to live out their purpose in life.

I’m sorry

One might have found a cure for cancer.
One might have been Pope.
One might have been a sport hero worthy of being looked up to.

I’m sorry, Lord.

I have taken innocent lives.
I have had abortions
I have murdered.

What have I done???

Oh, God, save me from the snare of the fowler
The snare that says I know better
The snare that says I’m OK because everyone does it.

Every sin is communal
Someone’s beloved never got to be born.
Someone’s best friend never took his first breath.
Someone’s favorite teacher never got to preschool.
Someone’s spiritual director was never even baptized.

I
AM
SO
SORRY.

Please don’t be like my friend who says that sorry doesn’t help. I can’t go backwards. Believe me, I wish I could.

How do I make amends?
How do I go to those saints in heaven and repay my debt?
How do I contact all of those people between the ages of 10 and 30 and say that I’m sorry that because of my selfishness and fear, someone important in their life won’t be there when they need them?

I cannot even look at You. I am so ashamed.

Look at me.

I pounded those nails. Worse than that, I jeered at you with the crowds. I was caught up in the fever of the day.

Look at me.

Can this be healed, Lord, it is so big?

You’re already forgiven. Come to me and be healed.

I cannot even look at you. How could I approach you?

Come. My mercy shall wash you clean.

Here is your God,
He comes with vindication;
With divine recompense
He comes to save you.
- Isaiah 35:4 -