FRIDAY POTPOURRI: HOW TO SCAR YOUR CHILD FOR LIFE PART II

Continuing the discussion on naming your baby, Mrs. Fenner, who I otherwise highly respect, begins a rather lengthy discussion on certain names that should be avoided and some of it is a little sensitive for modern readers and we’ll skip those parts.  And once again, though this is from the book Amercian Catholic Ettiquette, I have little understanding what this has to do with Catholics in particular.

She abhors any name that makes a boy sound like a “sissy” if for no other reason that it makes growing up with such a name difficult.  She certainly would not approve of the Johnny Cash song, “A boy named Sue.”  Reginald and Percy are certainly not acceptable names for a boy in the United States though, “they are suitable for English boys.”  Perhaps Mrs. Fenner is not so found of the English.  I think the English perfectly respectable people.

 

When my first sister was born they thought it was going to be me (they would have to wait another 16 years) and my Dad wanted to name me Christopher because of a highly popular nickname at the time for this name was “Kit” that my Dad thought was of some snappy value for some reason.  I think both Mrs. Fenner and Monsignor Manners would not have approved.  Fortunately the nickname was out of fashion by 1965.

She has some concern for those with “common names” such as Smith or Baker.  “Pick a distinctive baptismal name,” she recommend “for the purposes of identification”.  I understand what she means.  My last name is fairly uncommon but my first, “John”, though a great and strong name, was very common growing up.  I had an uncle and a grandpa John, five classmates in grade school named John, and two of my five priestly classmates were named John.  Hence, I rarely, if ever, went or go by the name John.  If anyone ever calls me by the familiar “Father John,” you know that they do not know me well at all.  

One way to achieve distinction is to use the child’s mother’s maiden name as a middle name.  (Careful though, remember what I told you about Andrew Kernin last week.)  She does oppose it for Scottish and Irish families however.  “Who wants ‘J. McA. McS’ for initials?”  Back to the monogrammed bath towels dilemma.  Can you imagine the size of cufflinks one would have to wear?

Now: Syllables!  Like poetry, one must be careful with the number of syllables in your child’s name.  (I told you it was going to get harder.)  “Do not use three one syllable or three two syllable names for your child,” Mrs. Fenner suggests.  “There is nothing wrong with these names but when said together they sound like soldiers clumping along with heavy boots!”  Which may be exactly what you want when he is in trouble!  Imagine standing on your back porch and calling out, “John George Smith!  Get in here right now!”

“It is better to be trite than pretentious,” reports Mrs. Fenner, “but avoid both.”  She also recommends avoiding picking fashionable names.  Like good architecture, classical is always in fashion.  Fashionable always runs the high risk of dating oneself and eventually sounding trite.  “Bambie?  What an adorable name!  Let me guess when you were born.”

Then there is a the problem of too many of the same consonants or too many of the same vowel sounds.  She does not explain why but you can guess why a child with the name, “Lilly Loraine Little” might feel like the Littl’ ole’ Lady from Littl’ Italy.  I think my parents did quite well with “John Anthony Valencheck.”

That finishes up with the actual naming process, but there will be one more week concerning what to do with the name after it has been bestowed.  So go ahead, you may name your child now.  But wait one more week before you start using it.

FRIDAY POTPOURRI: HOW TO SCAR A CHILD FOR LIFE

There is perhaps no topic so personal as naming your child.  Everybody has an opinion – even the Church.  Mrs. Fenner has much to say though some of her advice has become politically incorrect – which is exactly why most of it should be followed.

There is the general custom among Catholics that a child be named after a saint.  At least part of his name should be after a saint.  It is an ancient custom stretching back to the early Church.  It gives the child a patron, “a protector and intercessor in heaven,” as Mrs. Fenner states.  Though I doubt God leaves a child unprotected who does not sport such a name.  But why not take advantage of such an opportunity?

 

Mrs. Fenner points out that when choosing a saints name, know which saint you are choosing.  This is so true.  For a long time I thought I was named after St. John the Baptist but as it turns out I found a medal with an eagle on it that was placed around my neck when I was born so apparently I was named after St. John the Evangelist.

So you want to name your child after St. Francis or St. Therese; which one of the many Francises and Thereses is it?  What an opportunity, during those story telling years, to tell your child about the saint after whom he was named.  Bearing this in mind you might want to carefully review the stories before naming him or her.  There’s no point in naming a child after a saint who caused too much of a raucous and then having them, after hearing the saint’s story during their formative years, become just like them much to your consternation.  “You are just like St. George!  Always going around slaying dragons!”  “But Moooooooom . . .”

I remember the (probably apocryphal) story of the man converting to Christianity and on his way to being baptized was questioned by the priest about his name.  “That certainly is not a saint’s name,” said the priest.  “Not yet!” replied the man.

There is the sole spiritual criteria for naming a child.  But, “on the question of taste in selecting a name, one could write volumes!” reports our hostess.  And she did write volumes.  “Parents should give consideration to the fact that a name is perhaps one’s most intimate possession, and that its suitability, or lack of it, is believed to exercise a profound influence upon the child.”

“Care should be taken that no name is chosen which could be used to ridicule.”  No matter how hard you try this might not be avoided.  My next door neighbor hid his middle name from us for years and years.  It was Kernin.  Why he hated it so is hard to tell.  Perhaps because it was so different.  In any event he later became quite proud of it as it was his mother’s maiden name.  But at least we can try not to add gas to the fire.

Mrs. Fenner abhors names such as “Iva” or “Ima” particularly when combined with last names that are also common nouns such as “Coward” or “Post.”  “’Rose’ as a second name is sometimes awkward; one should remember that ‘rose’ is also a verb.”  Monsignor Manners likes the name Rose however.

 

We are warned to review the initials we may be giving a child.  Watch what they spell!  “Carol Ann Thomas is a sensible name, but any girl so named will be called a “C.A.T.” by her teasing friends.”  Actually that seems rather a lovely nickname to me.  I’ve known some CATs and they were sweet ladies.  Other words to be avoided however are W.O.W., and P.O.P. and so on.

I Googled, “Unfortunate Initials” and found a whole stash of angry people.  People with names like “ETC” and “BLT.”

Monsignor Manners suggests a further step.  (Think things are hard already?  We’ve not yet begun to make the process difficult!)  Remember when your son has cufflinks or your daughter has embroidered towels that the initials will be mixed up.  Who wants to have Ulysess Holden Grant’s guest bathroom towels say U.G.H. to you every time you use them?

Even worse, remember we are in the unfortunate age of texting which brings together a whole new set of unfortunate initials.  William Theodore Fredrickson will never live down his initials.

Of course whatever this have to do with Catholic specific manners slips past Monsignor other than the command by God to love others.  I think Mrs. Fenner simply had to get out her opinion on such things.  But you are sticking this kid with something that will last a lifetime so it is wise to choose well.  Remember, these are the people who will be picking out your nursing home. 

There is more to come next week to complicate matters even further so don’t settle on a name yet!

ME: SAINT YOU:HUMAN - LET'S HOOK UP FOR SOME GOOD TIMES

So to which saints do you pray? How do you pick them? Or did they pick you?

There are some easy ways to pick saints to be your patron. The most obvious is taking on a saint that has your name. I was named after John the Evangelist and I still have the eagle medal that was placed on me as an infant. I was also named after my grandpas and my middle is Anthony so he is on my list.

Another way to find a saint if you are unfortunate enough to have a name that does not even remotely sound like a saint’s name is to find one who is patron saint of something that is important to you. A couple of years ago St. John Vianney was made patron of all priests and so of course he was added to my list.

After this we start looking for saints who have chosen us. Is there a saint’s day for the day you were born? (Saint Bartholomew) I was harangued for a long time by my classmate Fr. Bline for not knowing and celebrating the day I was baptized. I struck out lucky there. There are two saints; Cosmas and Damian.

Your parish might provide a handy patron for you for that saint is patron not just of the parish property but of the entire parish boundaries and all who call that parish home. I have come to know and love St. Sebastian, my current parish patron, and still call to mind my previous parish patrons of St. Clare and St. Ambrose. We got to be pretty good friends while I was with them.

How about the saint that is celebrated on a day that something special happened to you and for which you would like extra graces? How about the day you were married or got a new job or moved into your home? St. Leo the Great was the saint who was celebrated the day I received my pastorate at St. Sebastian and the celebration was on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception.

Don’t forget your patron from your confirmation if you took a confirmation name. Mine is Joseph both for my home pastor and for the foster father of Jesus. It is not customary any more to take names at ordination but a few of us did. St. Michael was mine for deaconate and St. George for priesthood. Svete Juri (I know I misspelled that) or Saint George was the patron of the parish and village from which the Valencheck side of the family came in Slovenija. Maybe you could adopt a patron of your marriage or single vocation (or dating . . . )

Of course there may be people you just like and want to make your friends. John Paul is one of these. A couple were thrown in my lap (by Adoro) such as St. Gabriel and Saint Gregory the Great. And I have a few hopefuls that I pray for such as Frank Pareter (sp?), G. K. Chesterton, and Baraga just because they are so very cool.

Of course you could just go to this SAINT'S NAME GENERATOR.  It gave me St. Cosmos.  Already had him

There are saints out there for you. You don’t have to be elaborate. A simple daily “pray for me” will suffice or a once a year blow out prayer on the feast day if you are afraid of taking on a deeper devotion. Get to know these guys. They have great stories and make wonderful friends to call upon.

WOULD AUNT ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME STILL BE AS SWEET?

Like your name?

I hope so.

According to the CCC (2159), “The name one receives at baptism is a name for eternity”.

Hmmm.

Please don’t get me wrong. I really, really like my name. It is a strong name with lots O’ history. “JOHN.” It means, “God is gracious” or as some etymologies put it, “God’s most gracious gift.” But I never go by it. I never have. Only the bishop and my Mom ever call me John. I was named after my grandpa and the Evangelist. I also had an uncle with the name and have a cousin with it. There were 5 people in my grade school class with the name and so we all took variations on John. 40% of my seminary class had the name John. (Okay, there were only 5 of us, but still.) At my last assignment there was a Fr. John, a deacon John, a Fr. Sean, and I was replaced by a Fr. John. (Hence the beauty of going by the name Fr. Valencheck.)

I can see it for all eternity, God will call out, “John,” and millions of people will look up and He’ll be forced to say, “No, not you, THAT John.” And millions of people will say, “Oh.”

Well, maybe not. It seems that in eternity each person’s name and person will be marked with a unique character of God, kind of like a fingerprint I suppose. “In the kingdom, the mysterious and unique character of each person marked with God’s name will shine forth in splendor (CCC 2159).” John Smiths of the world worry not. You will be unique in heaven.

But wow! If naming sticks forever, giving someone a name is pretty serious stuff. Giving a name is a special privilege (as is having someone named after you.) It is not insignificant that God let Adam choose the names of all the living creatures. “Whatever the man called each of them would be its name (Gen 2:19)”.

God did His own fare share of naming. He named Jesus, His Son, as well as John the Baptist. In “recreating” a person He symbolized a new state of happiness, a new way of life; new life! “You shall be called by a new name . . .(Is 62;2)” Thus Abram became Abraham; Sarai becomes Sarah; Jacob, Israel; Simon, Peter; Saul becomes Paul.

Naming puts us in special relation. Kids name pets, some people name certain possessions (cars, homes), businesses pay big bucks to name stadiums, and those who make scientific discoveries get to name them. We give nicknames to people we love (or really don’t love).

But none of these are as important as giving someone a baptismal name. “At baptism, the Lord’s name sanctifies the man, and the Christian receives his name in the Church (CCC 2156).” (Isn’t interesting that confirmation is the first time we officially name ourselves just as we are told that now we are responsible for our faith and to be disciples that brings His Good News to the world? Of course, one may ratify his baptismal name at confirmation too.)

In ancient times a name was given to identify the essence, nature, or function of the individual. St. Thomas Aquinas says, “Now, the names of individual men are always taken from some property of the men to whom they are given. Either in regard to time; thus men are named after the Saints on whose feast they are born: or in respect of some blood relations; thus a son is named after his father or some other relation, . . . Or, again from some occurrence; thus Joseph called the name of the first-born Manasses saying, “God hath made me to forget all my labors (Gen XLI;51). Or, again, from some quality of the person who receives the name; thus it is written (Gen. Xxv;25) that he came forth first was red and hairy like a skin; and his name was called Esau, which is interpreted red.” (SummaQ37 art 2 pt III)

Saint Ambrose of Milan and St. John Chrysostom urged parents to name their children carefully as they thought it was being done haphazardly. The Roman Catechism urged parents not to give their children strange, laughable, or obscene names. Saints names were urged as they gave the recipient a model of charity and a sure intercessor upon whom they might rely. Not to be left out were names of Christian virtues (like Hope, although I do not recommend Chastity at the moment) or Christian mysteries (Anastasius [resurrection], Athanasius [immortality]). One could easily imagine one of our Protestant parents naming their children in this tradition and having someone come up to you one day and saying, “Hi! My name is Rapture and I will be your hostess today!”

All silliness aside, our name is considered an icon of the person. Considering the importance of what is meant by the word icon in the Eastern Church, this is pretty serious stuff. Everyone’s name is sacred and demands respect “as a sign of the dignity of the one who owns it (CCC 2158)”.

So no matter what your name, find a way to accept, appreciate, and celebrate it. In some way it is more beautiful than you can know and more unique than seems possible. It is that by which God calls you (Jn 10;3).

And if you should blessed to name a person, bear in mind not only the honor but the great responsibility is picking the name by which even God will call that person.




Here are some sites for names and their meanings.