Please keep this between you and me. I know I’ve railed against Law and Order SVU, but I was so tired last night I couldn’t think and veged in front of the television and watched an episode. In it there was a lady who lied to the police. They looked at each other and pondered how on earth a sweet old lady such as her could lie to the police. They then realized that she was dying and could care less about the consequences. This world and everything in was passing away. Her loyalty was no longer to anyone or anything in this world. She had the freedom to act as she pleased.
Of course another name for this is anarchy. But what if one were to have that freedom focused in a positive direction; to have the freedom live fully in love with Christ without wanting or needed to worry what others think or expect?
I had a spiritual director once who called this, “Being wild.” He showed us a rock and said, “See the rock? The rock is wild. It won’t do anything except be a rock no matter what you think of it or expect it to be.” Well, Okay, maybe that was a bit “Kung Fu”, but it helps get the picture across.
“The Bucket List” is a movie out right now that follows a couple of guys around trying to get in everything they want to experience before the “kick the bucket.” (My Dad was a whole lot like this.) Mimicking this the Plain Dealer today asked some local celebrities what they would put on their bucket list. That tells you a lot about a person. Some mentioned sexual conquests or drinking beer at an Oktoberfest in Munich while others mentioned working with Doctors Without Borders or ridding Cambodia and the world of a few more land mines. Wow.
But an idea more important than "what do you want to get in" comes from this quote I’ve been contemplating found in The Sun magazine. It is the question of how would you feel if there was no more time to get anything in. It is along the lines of, “Be still and know that I am God.”
“Stop reading for a moment,” well, after you are done reading this, “and imagine that you are going to die in one minute. The last thing you are going to experience are reading these pages, sitting in this room, thinking and feeling what you are think and feeling right now. This is the end of your life . . .You have no time to write a note or make a phone call. All you can do is experience what is, right now. This is a very simple exercise, but it is quite profound. It brings you into presence very quickly. You stop fighting, you stop needing, you stop being concerned with physical comfort, you stop wanting, you stop achieving, and you stop maintaining. Enlightenment, attainment, realization all become meaningless. You are just present.” Ken McLeod
Well, that wasn’t exactly true for me because I was reading this in the little monsignor’s room and so would have taken care of a couple things before dropping over on the tile floor. But just the same it made me think, “If this is it right now am I Okay with that? Would I be ashamed of my life right now or basically Okay with what I am leaving behind?”
As a priest I see people at the end of the line from time to time who regret their lives terribly and in trembling wish to start doing something about it now, but that is only because the taste of death is already in their mouths and now have the opportunity to stop and realize how self-centered their lives were. “If God would give me one more chance I would . . .” Unfortunately it is often the case that there is not going to be more time and so I advise that they pray for and about that which is important to them, at least offering that up. Sometimes that helps, sometimes it doesn’t. But boy does it teach the lesson that a little bit of sacrifice in life sure
makes up for feeling unprepared to face death.
As much as I would have hated for it to be in the bathroom, I think I would have been at peace when I read that quote. One thing I did wish was that I’d not left such a mess behind so plan on cleaning my office today. I wrote a couple of notes to people telling them I was thinking of them and thought to write you this. That’s about as far as I got in 60 seconds.
Of course another name for this is anarchy. But what if one were to have that freedom focused in a positive direction; to have the freedom live fully in love with Christ without wanting or needed to worry what others think or expect?
I had a spiritual director once who called this, “Being wild.” He showed us a rock and said, “See the rock? The rock is wild. It won’t do anything except be a rock no matter what you think of it or expect it to be.” Well, Okay, maybe that was a bit “Kung Fu”, but it helps get the picture across.
“The Bucket List” is a movie out right now that follows a couple of guys around trying to get in everything they want to experience before the “kick the bucket.” (My Dad was a whole lot like this.) Mimicking this the Plain Dealer today asked some local celebrities what they would put on their bucket list. That tells you a lot about a person. Some mentioned sexual conquests or drinking beer at an Oktoberfest in Munich while others mentioned working with Doctors Without Borders or ridding Cambodia and the world of a few more land mines. Wow.
But an idea more important than "what do you want to get in" comes from this quote I’ve been contemplating found in The Sun magazine. It is the question of how would you feel if there was no more time to get anything in. It is along the lines of, “Be still and know that I am God.”
“Stop reading for a moment,” well, after you are done reading this, “and imagine that you are going to die in one minute. The last thing you are going to experience are reading these pages, sitting in this room, thinking and feeling what you are think and feeling right now. This is the end of your life . . .You have no time to write a note or make a phone call. All you can do is experience what is, right now. This is a very simple exercise, but it is quite profound. It brings you into presence very quickly. You stop fighting, you stop needing, you stop being concerned with physical comfort, you stop wanting, you stop achieving, and you stop maintaining. Enlightenment, attainment, realization all become meaningless. You are just present.” Ken McLeod
Well, that wasn’t exactly true for me because I was reading this in the little monsignor’s room and so would have taken care of a couple things before dropping over on the tile floor. But just the same it made me think, “If this is it right now am I Okay with that? Would I be ashamed of my life right now or basically Okay with what I am leaving behind?”
As a priest I see people at the end of the line from time to time who regret their lives terribly and in trembling wish to start doing something about it now, but that is only because the taste of death is already in their mouths and now have the opportunity to stop and realize how self-centered their lives were. “If God would give me one more chance I would . . .” Unfortunately it is often the case that there is not going to be more time and so I advise that they pray for and about that which is important to them, at least offering that up. Sometimes that helps, sometimes it doesn’t. But boy does it teach the lesson that a little bit of sacrifice in life sure
makes up for feeling unprepared to face death.
4 comments:
Kumg Fu was an AWESOME TV show!
I've been considering something similar lately, just in the context of an inventory of my messy life. As I'm leaving the house for the day, it's thoughts like, "I hope I don't die today...my bathroom needs to be cleaned and I'd be embarassed for my family to come in here and see this!"
Yeah, superficial things, but such thoughts lead beyond the simple messes to the bigger ones...what does my home say about how I really live my life? And if I take a step back, how can I see how I'm living my life, and what do I need to change?
It made me realize that one way to do an examination of conscience is to go room by room through my own home and see what is being neglected, or what has "pride of place", and what that really says.
I really hope I don't die today...I'm not anywhere near ready.
Yes it was - but I wonder if I would still like it today?
Adoro - similarly they say if you want to know a priest - see what he owns. . .
Great post, Fr. Z. You're right. It really does bring one into focus.
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