WHEN CATHOLICS GO BAD

When I was a kid and somebody did something wrong enough to be reported on in the newspaper, it was not unusual for the reporter to mention that the man was once an altar boy - as if that had anything to do with the price of cheese.  People raised a big stink about making this connection and such mentionings stopped cold.  But it was an interesting back handed compliment - as if a former altar boy should know better - that a Catholic should BE better.

The thing is - there is some truth to that, but not as much as would be preferable (hence confession lines - and sometimes lack of them.)  Every once in a while someone will lob the (accusation?  back handed compliment?) that a Catholic or a Catholic organization should know better, be better, act better, lead better . . .   And that is true.  That is why we are here.  To make humanity . . . well . . . better.  Good.  Redeemed.  Saved.  Living in truth.

And the Church is holy - that is her teachings, her way of life, what she promotes and what she eschews is holy.  She makes saints.  But she is made up of a bunch of sinners striving to be saints (hopefully).  AA helps people not drink, but many of her people do though they know better and want to be sober.  Hospitals are about making people healthy but all of her residents are sick.  Libraries are supposed to help a person grow in knowledge and truth but some of her books are full of misguided advice, knowledge or insights.

So when someone says, “this Catholic (person/institution) should be morally better at (whatever), they are right.  But if it is perfection for which they are looking, look at the teachings of the Church, not her people.  The people are patients in the hospital.  1.2 billion people.  Priests are somebody’s baby brother - nuns are someone’s daughter, an altar server is a teen like any teen, the person in the pew is person like any other striving to be that better Christian.

What makes them different is being soaked in the teachings of One Who knows how human beings can thrive.  They absorb grace through the practice of the sacraments and prayer.  They are encouraged regularly to good works and self improvement.  They are given a vision of a better world.  And yes we should know better.  And I am glad people think that Catholics should be held to a higher standard.  And we should hold ourselves to a higher standard.  But that even John Paul II is a saint does not mean he did everything well.  It means he strove well and still made mistakes and still needed the sacrament of confession.

This is not an excuse.  It’s a reality check.  Catholics are sojourners in desperate need of Christ.  Every day we get better, but we are definitely on the journey.  We have not arrived.  

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

Before you declare, “Nyope,  Not me.  This is ridiculous.” let me make my case.  If, at the end, you still don’t agree with me, you’ll still be wrong, but at least you read to the end.

Your life is amazing.  It is not supposed to be exciting all the time.  In fact, it is rarely exciting except to the most attentive and, for the others for whom it actually is, . . . well . . . they are just odd.  They are the exception that proves the rule.

You are living a fairy tale.  An incredible story is playing out in the living of your life.  The problem (if you are not buying this) is that you are used to it.  Somewhere (I forget where) Pope Benedict talked about how terrible it is to grow accustomed to the miraculous.  But we do.  Jesus Christ suffered and died for you, opened up paradise, made you a child of God, and gives Himself to you, Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity in the Eucharist!  And we yawn and say, “Yeah.  I know.  What’s on T.V. tonight?”

In his essay, “Baby Worship,” Chesterton writes, “The supreme adventure is being born.  There we do walk suddenly into a splendid startling trap.  There we do see something of which we have not dreamed before.  Our father and mother do lie in wait for us, like brigands from a bush.  Our uncle is a surprise.  Our aunt is, in the beautiful common expression, a bolt from the blue.  When we step into the family, b the act of being born, we do step into a world which is incalculable, into a world which had its own strange laws, into a world which could do without us not a world that we have not made.  In other words, when we step into a family, we step into a fairy-tale.”

“Perhaps I’ll grant you that,” you might think.  “But after that?  Blah!”

Poppycock!

Think of your average fairy tale or movie.  One distills to a short book or two hours out of a life time to make it interesting.  As for drudgery, as beautiful as the story of Cinderella is, she spent A LOT of time in mourning for her parents, being treated as slave labor, and having no means of hope.  The people in Frozen spend most of their lives being miserable.  “Inside Out,” “Bring Him Home,” “Bridge of Spies,” “Revenant” all have incredible amounts of boring, monotonous, what seems to be life wasting time glossed over or slashed out entirely to present a movie that keeps you on the edge of your seat.

During the parts that were exciting, the people that lived them did not necessarily like it, think it special, or want it.  Those who were in trouble wanted to sit on the porch and drink lemonade.  Those trapped at home dream of flying to Mars.  Those with curly hair want straight hair and those with no hair would be happy with chia pet hair.  The point is, there needs to be tension and or loss in this life for the greatness to make itself truly felt and not lost among the mundane. 

Often in these stories, the realization that they were in a great story line was not until it was over and somebody points it out to them.  Sometimes it takes an outsider to say, “Wow!  What a life!”

St. Francis spent A LOT of time in angst, worry, and controversy.  So did Blessed Mother Theresa.  Outsiders say, “Wow, what a life!  I wish I could have that excitement or peace.”  We review their lives as they do us and think, “What an adventure.  What a unique and exciting life compared to boring old me.”

Stop it.

Even if you don’t see a payoff coming (which would ruin it anyway) know that your heavenly Father has something tremendous waiting for you who loved Him in this life.  “Eye has not seen, ear has not heard, nor has it so much as dawned on man” what God has waiting.  It will blow whatever expectations you have out of the water and make it all worth it.

Here is my challenge to you today.  See your life anew.  When you look outside, SEE the tree that you don’t notice anymore because it is always there.  It is different today than it was yesterday.  Appreciate today the place where you live.  No, it is not ideal.  But you have much for which to be grateful.  It is home base for your fair tale.  It will loom large in the telling of your story some day (even if it is just to God.  But I doubt it.)  Put on your least favorite clothes, go to your least favorite room, look at the least favorite thing in the room, see it, recognize it, and challenge it to play a role in your fairy tale.  Then let it sit and stew and worry about it and you go live.

And decide to be happy.  When you are bored, remember a time you were so crazy that you wish you had more time to be bored.  When you are crazy busy, remember the time you were bored and wish you had something to do.  

And pray.  

IT'S IN THE JOB DESCRIPTION SILLY

Sometimes you need somebody to remind you who you are and what you stand for.

 

There was a staff meeting the other day.  One of the things about which I spoke concerned two young men in our neighborhood who were not on their best behavior.  They haven’t done anything horrendously bad but we don’t want them on our property any longer.  The staff was informed that the young men had been informed about their inappropriate behavior and that they are no longer allowed on our grounds unless they have a change of heart.  That’s me on my high horse, a bit perturbed, self righteous, and incredulous that even though we tried to reach out, then tried to warn, they actively ignore us.

 

Then the newest person on our staff asked, “Have you prayed for them yet?”

 

Ouch.

 

How dense can a pastor be?

 

TOLLERANCE - BUT ONLY A CERTAIN AMOUNT AND ONLY ON THE TOPICS THAT I CHOOSE

Here’s an interesting statistic for you:  Approximately 300 persons per year are killed in the state of California in hit and run accidents.  That means most days a Californian will kill another Californian with his car and then drive away to avoid responsibility.  Yesterday on NPR an official of the state said (and this is an approximate quote since I was driving and unable to write down what I heard) that this is a horrible situation – near four times the national average – and that “a cultural change must take place.”  His concern is California’s lack of concern for accidents in which human lives are effected.  You cannot simply hit a human being with your car and then drive away.

 

But I thought, “Why not?”  Is change what California really wants?  Are they prepared to do what would be required in order to effect a “cultural change?”  Or do they have exactly what they want?

 

Consider this about the Golden State:  They are on the verge of allowing physician assisted suicide.  They are a death penalty state.  Abortion rights are vigorously upheld.  The state self-funded embryonic stem cell research.  And these are just some of the issues that over a period of time teach a people that when life inconveniences you, you may do away with it. 

 

If you teach a rectory dog to bark whenever someone rings the doorbell, you can’t expect him not to do so on the occasion that this time it is the bishop that is ringing the bell.  In a similar way, when you teach a body of people that when your life might be change in a way that you don’t like you have a right to ask for death, you can’t expect that people to keep such a belief in tight little boxes.  Why is it Okay to kill a child in the womb that will take away my college career or Okay to allow grandma to do away with herself before she eats up my time or inheritance, but it is not Okay from me walk away from an accident (after all, it was only an accident right?) since it will simply eat up my time, attention, and resources and not really solve anything?

 

So California, are you really ready for a “cultural change?”  My prayers are with you.

WILL THERE BE ANYTHING ELSE FOR YOU?

There are two ways in which a person can own a horse.  The first (the model imagined by seven year olds everywhere) is where you pay to have your horse boarded.  You come by, when you have the time, to ride, give a carrot, and pat it on the nose.  The other way to own a horse is to 1) own a farm and 2) you go out twice a day to feed the horse, give a bale of hay (which you loaded into the barn last fall) and muck the stall, give it its daily exercise, groom, clean its hoofs, give it its shot and pills, find caretakers when you want to be a way, call the vet, etc. etc. etc. . .

 

This is also a model for two types of churches.  The first, you pay your money like you would at a gym, things are taken care of for you (babysitting, youth group, senior club, Bible studies, and so forth) and you can make certain demands (I pay good money to come here and I expect . . .) with the threat of going next door next Sunday.  The other is to belong to a church where you are part of the mission.  If there isn’t a Bible Study, you go talk to the pastor and if he can’t do it, you start one yourself.  If there are no greeters at the door, ask if you can start greeting people.  Outreach is not the pastor’s and staff’s responsibility, but everyone’s. 

 

Catholic parishes are closer to the second model in both, but often we try to be the first model and that frequently fails.  That is not to say that a pastor cannot use great ideas from the first model, but they are employed closer to the second model.  It is the difference in mentality of running a service in the hospitality industry and running a good family home.  The first has many perks and a few responsibilities, the second has many responsibilities and a few privileges and perks.

 

“I came to serve, not be served,” is the call we follow.  It is funny how easy it is to fall into the wrong mindset (from both sides!) 

"CATHOLIC" IS AISLE THREE, HALF WAY DOWN ON THE RIGHT, TOP SHELF

“Catholic” was never meant to be a subcategory like exists, for example, in the fiction genre.  There is fiction, and then under that are subcategories of children’s, or romance, or adventure, or what have you.  In a similar way it was not intended that there be movies or books or music and then a subcategory of “Catholic”; or healthcare or marriage or science with a Catholic version.  Catholicism is a world view, a way of seeing existence, a way of existing.  It is one of the reasons it is called Catholic, it is universal; all times, all places, all peoples.  It is given to us to help us live, not be an odd duck appendage to another way of life.

 

That is not to say that every book that is supposed to be about the rosary.  A murder mystery can be a great Catholic book.  Not every movie has to be about Fatima.  A futuristic movie about going into space and discovering a new planet can be a good Catholic movie.  Ideas on healthcare are not about making everyone a papist; it is about making good choices, upholding the dignity of all, and what it means to be fully human.  But as soon as there is a Catholic (or Christian) category, it can be ignored.  Catholics too may be reluctant to engage their Catholic way of life into their works and efforts for the exact same reason: Catholic means that healthcare initiatives are only good for and relevant to Catholics.  Social justice ideas stamped Catholic means that they can considered arcane and limited to only 2 billion people on the planet rather than something that is meant to help all people thrive.

 

“Catholic” is about bringing the one, the true, the good, and the beautiful into all that is done.  The best Catholic movies were made by atheists who were not trying to do so.  Some of the best Catholic books that I have ever read were either decidedly not about Catholics or were written by non-Catholics.  Conversely much of the best science we have enjoyed has come from priests.  All of them reached a larger audience because they did not subcategorize themselves, but were decidedly still Catholic in nature even when it has been via negativa. 

 

Catholic is not a Sunday activity.  It is a cultural way of living.

WE DID THE HOKEY POKEY AND WE TURNED OURSELVES AROUND

Why do we work so hard to make traditional Judeo/Christian principals a part of our culture?

 

Because it works.

 

And where our culture is heading now does not work.

 

We are the richest, most pampered culture ever to exist.  We have more license to do anything we want.  We have more options for staying healthy than ever before.  We are the most traveled, most technologically advanced, information soaked culture that has every lived on the face of the earth.  All that we might desire comes more quickly, more anonymously, less scandalously, and cheaper than any human being has every enjoyed.  In short, we are getting more of what we want, when and how we want it, than anybody, anywhere, anytime, has every been so dumped on in abundance.  Even those we consider poor (as opposed to destitute) often have cars, cell phones, a computer, cable, and access to health care.  Maybe not the best, but better than most of the world enjoys.  We should be the happiest culture ever.

 

And we are not.

 

A recent report in the Akron Beacon Journal states that the suicide rate among middle aged white people has risen 40% in the last decade.  Another report declares suicide the third leading cause of death among teens.  Talk to any police officer (or school teacher) and he will tell you about the sky rocketing use of drugs among students.  Rape, particularly in our armed forces as stated today in the newspaper, is on a dramatic increase.  According to the International Press Service, in the last three decades, the incarceration rate in the US has risen 790%.  (Yes, you read that correctly.)  And this does not even touch on the abortion rate, the failure of marriages, the rise in abuse . . . (child abuse injuries on the rise ABC news 1 Oct 12)

 

Does this sound like a happy nation?  Does it sound as though we are on the road to peace?  Does it sound as though the experiment is working in the least?  Would you suggest we keep moving in the same direction if this was a company and you were in charge?

 

There was a talk given at St. Sebastian concerning faith and culture and the forces working against the faith having an influence on our society.  Two pages of factors were listed which included everything from our rugged individualism, to consumerism, to technology, to our cultures call for tolerance, etc. . .  I would have to disagree with the speaker that these are our problems.  These are, rather, the symptoms of a flawed philosophy of life.  The true problem lies in the great turn inward. 

 

Just for example: One of the main purposes of marriage is the radical decision for the other.  It is the great turning outward toward another.  Our vows reflect this: “I promise to love you in good times and in bad . . . all the days of my life.”  There is no expectation in those vows.  There are no conditions such as, “and I expect to be loved” or “under the following conditions,” or “until I don’t feel it anymore.”  If there has been a great turning inward, of course marriages are going to start failing at a greater rate.  Two people are getting married in order to be loved and not with the mind set of ministering love.  A couple staying together with the intention of sucking love out of each other is doomed to fail.

 

Now, if two people abide by their vows, they will indeed not only love, but be loved.  But we don’t get married to be cautious with our love.  It simply doesn’t work.

 

This great turning inward can be seen in every aspect of our culture.  Even art is often a masturbatory creation displaying the artist’s inner life rather than channeling that creativity to say something to the world.  (I know I’ll get argument there.)

 

This is why we can no longer stand on the deck of the Titanic and worry about how the deck chairs are arranged.  “No, no!  We Catholics like our chairs facing east!  East!  We must have some chairs facing east!”  It is time to get off the deck and stand under the Titanic and lift it up.  We must get at the root causes of things.  This year I am devoting myself to try some things at the parish.  I encourage you to do the same.  I don’t know what.  Be creative!  You are husbands and wives, parents, students, organizers, prayers, professionals, owners, purchasers, voters, artists, public figures, writers, thinkers, policy makers, changers, and followers.   You are Catholic, Christian, human, and a full citizen of the United States.  At the very least, when you come across something that makes you say, “Isn’t that just too bad?” don’t let it go!  Say a prayer about it.

 

Together we can change the world and restore some joy.

A LOOK IN THE MIRROR

Years ago there was a letter to the editor that blamed “the Catholic Church” for the lack of vocations to the priesthood. “’They’ should do more” and because they didn’t they feared that their parish would be without a priest or even possibly close. I completely agreed with the author but most likely not for the same reasons that he intended his comments.

 

Those in the know are aware that “they” is a guy in an office in downtown Cleveland running his car into the ground trying to promote vocations in an eight county area. “He” however, does not make up the entirety of the Catholic Church or even the vocation department. We are the Catholic Church and each one of us has an obligation to promote vocations.

 

Sometimes people will come to the rectory to register supposing that this makes them Catholic. This is what happens in the majority of Churches out there. But one does not join the Catholic Church in the same way that one joins a local gym. One becomes the Catholic Church.

 

“The Church should” is something said often in some circles, as if the “Church” was an institution outside of themselves. If the Church not doing enough to promote vocations, then we need to ask ourselves what I am doing to promote vocations. Do we not have enough Bible Study classes, when have I offered to host one – even in my own house? Not everything needs to be done on parish property or in connection to the Mass.  (Some of the best work is not.)  Does the Church need to be more active in evangelization, ask what I have done to promote the faith.

 

A lady came by the other day and said that she had a concern about the parish and she also came with a solution.  “We need this and I am willing to do this if you would like.”

 

I am not here simply to receive services.

 

I am part of the Church.

 

I am part of the solution.

HOLY SMOKES

It is almost 9AM on Wednesday (my day away) here in Akron, OH and black smoke is still coming out of the famed chimney at the Vatican telling us that we are still without pope.  To that end here are a couple more thoughts on items that have been circulating in the news recently.

 

This pose should relate better to today’s Catholics.  I would challenge that position.  I think it wiser to say that today’s Catholic should become more in touch with today’s Church.  We look in the mirror and think, “Here is the Church.”  We are surrounded by people just like us, perhaps with similar issues and we think, “The pope should pay more attention to us!  We are the Church!  These are our issues.  If he wants to be effective and (forgive me) relevant he needs take action on these items.

 

But today’s Catholic is more than a suburban, minivan driving, smart phone owning, T.V. watching westerner.  As a matter of fact, we make up a much smaller portion of the Church than one might think. 

 

A popular topic bandied around is women’s ordination.  Many think the Church will fall apart unless the new pope addresses this issue.  It is not as big an issue in the overall Church as one might think.  One time I was privileged to travel to Zimbabwe and talk with Catholics there.  We brought up western issues and were mostly met with blank and puzzled stares.  “Women priests?  You are worried about women priests when we are worried about food, equality, safety, AIDS, freedom, sanitary conditions, oppressive governments . . .”  We were quite laughed at.

 

Now we might say the pope needs to pay more attention to first world Catholics and I would agree.  There is a lot of work to be done here.  But whenever one speaks of today’s Catholic, keep in mind the family living in a mud hut with a thatch roof, who goes to Mass on Sunday, has only one change of clothes, and who, when he sees a car, thinks it a novelty is just as much a Catholic and deserving just as much attention.

 

I am shocked to my core that there are politics involved with the election of the pope.  Well, of course there is.  Just like those pushing an agenda for “today’s Catholics,” there are those electing a pontiff who have strong beliefs concerning what type if pope is needed to run “today’s Church.”  Of course they are going to talk about it, lobby for it, ask and bargain for a vote.  I think some people imagine the cardinals sitting quietly in a room until the Holy Spirit descends upon them with the name of the guy for whom they are supposed to vote.

 

God gave us brains and bodies.  We are to use them for His glory and for our benefit.  Names arise, talents debated, factions rise and fall and not all of it altruistic but all accompanied by prayer.  In the end one name arises and one of two things we pray is the case: that this was indeed the man the Holy Spirit wished to be picked from out of all that human activity or that this is a man that God can work with.

 

In the mean time – lobby away.

FRIDAY POTPOURRI: BAPTISM: A PICTURE PERFECT DAY

There are a few topics that, when brought up with a flock of priests, starts us all going like a field full of agitated geese.  Nobody has answers.  It is one of the great sadnesses of the Church that Jesus did not deal directly and cleverly with some of these issues.  Photography for example.  “Let he who is without pride be the first to have his picture taken,” or, “The Kingdom of Heaven is like a great photographic event that always gets the best shot from the best angle.”

So you want pictures?  We have some rules at the parish about pictures taking in general usually to the ire of one or two individuals a year.  They involve such things as not running up and taking a picture as your child is receiving their first Holy Communion or standing outside the confessional to get “that first moment after.”  Church is not picture taking event at which a sacrament occurs; it is rather a sacramental event at which pictures may be taken under certain circumstances.  “But things like this only happen once and I want that money shot!”  I know, I know.  But tell me the last time you went through all of your wedding photos.

Just the same the rule is, whether one is hiring a photographer for a baptism (really, save the money and put it toward their Catholic grade school education) or taking them yourself, ask the priest what the policy of the parish is so no one need be embarrassed.  At St. Sebastian the general rule for baptism is “don’t get between me, the water and the forehead.”  Any person, professional or otherwise, should do their job as unobtrusively as possible. 

Professionals seem to have taken to wearing all black thinking that they are in a Japanese puppet play where we are to suspend disbelief and pretend that they are not there.  IT DOESN’T WORK.  Especially when black means a black T-shirt.  Photographers should dress like the guests.

THE OFFERING

Now for the delicate subject of the offering.  It is customary to give an offering at baptism.  As Mrs. Fenner wrote, “The offering is made by the child’s parent.  It is placed in a plain white envelope with the parent’s calling card and is handed unobtrusively to the priest before the group leaves the church.”  Interestingly this is still how I find it done at this parish though occasionally it is also accompanied by a note if the parents have something special to say.

The offering is not payment for the sacrament.  It is a token of appreciation and acknowledgement of the pastoral care given by the priest.  It is a custom, not a law.  If one cannot afford it, it is not expected.  A note of thanks however is always just good manners especially if one does not have this means.

If you are giving a monetary gift however there is one thing you should know.  If you write on the envelope or address the check or say to the priest, “This is for Saint Soandso,” by canon law that gift goes into the general fund for the parish.  You must make the check out to, say, or in some way indicate that the gift is for the priest if it is your desire for him to have it.

THE FABRIC CONUNDRUM

Here is a back note from last week concerning what babies are to wear at baptism.  It’s great information.

“Dear Father Valencheck,

“What little I know of children's historic clothing includes that up to the early 1900's boys and girls clothing weren't differentiated much and all wore white gowns and had long hair. My theory is it was because you can just wash white in hot water and you're good to go. I don't know if it was at school age that colors and haircuts were introduced. Interestingly, at that time pink was the boy color and blue was the girl color, which explains all those pictures of the Child Jesus wearing pink.

“With regard to taffeta, satin and chiffon, there are two differences between these and the other fabrics mentioned; first, taffeta and satin are stiff, second, all three are fabrics associated with evening clothes rather than day clothes. They also wouldn't be so soft and comfortable as the other fabrics mentioned.”

Thanks Nan!

We will, absolutely positively, finish next week with the after events of infant baptism.

FRIDAY POTPOURRI: LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION

Welcome to your Friday dose of American Catholic Etiquette with your hosts Mrs. Fenner and Monsignor Manners.  Today we begin where Mrs. Fenner begins: at the beginning of one’s sacramental life: BAPTISM.

BAPTISM

TIME:  As Mrs. Fenner points out under normal circumstances one’s baptism should take place as soon as possible after the birth.  Most often the times for baptism at any given parish are set.  “One should not ask to have the ceremony performed at a special hour to suite one’s convenience but should concur with the custom of the parish.”  (I’m glad she said it so Monsignor Manners would not have to.)

Monsignor Manners would note additionally that quite often these days it is required that persons take a class before baptism.  Do not wait until after your child is born to inquire about baptism.  Call your parish concerning the requirements for the parents and godparents.  If there is something like a class involved, take it well in advance of your due date so that when it is time to baptize, the parish is aware of your upcoming sacrament and can fulfill your request for a baptismal date more readily.

PLACE:  This is more important than you might, at first, think.  Where your child is baptized will have lifelong consequences.  So, as Mrs. Fenner points out, baptism should take place at the family parish.  Later on in life your child will need to consult the parish at which he was baptized in order to make First Holy Communion, Confirmation, and Marriage or Holy Orders.  Monsignor Manners notes how difficult it can be at times when a child assumes he knows where he was baptized but is incorrect and parents are no longer around to ask.  It becomes rather difficult because a recently issued baptismal certificate from the parish at which he was baptized is obligatory for Catholics before such a celebration as a marriage can occur.  Having a baptism at St. Coolbuilding with which the family has little contact normally can, later in life, try the patience of the bride or groom and the priest.  And I cannot believe how many people do not have their baptismal certificate in some sort of file at the family house.  Monsignor Manner’s mother was rather overly scrupulous in this regard and had saved his along with every other scrap of paper of any possible importance from before the day of his birth until her untimely demise.  This file currently takes up half of my office filing space.

Mrs. Fenner notes these exceptions:  If the child is born while the family is at their summer home (HAHAHAHAHA!!!) sorry, I lost my composure.  Besides, most Akronites do not summer.  Those lucky enough to be able to do such a thing tend to winter over somewhere.  There is a definite weight shift on the continental shelf during the winter months from Ohio to Florida.  But I digress.  If the child is born while the family is living elsewhere temporarily such as if the parents are on military duty, the child may, for the good of his soul, be baptized promptly where the family regularly worships during this time.

Priests who are relatives should, when it is possible, come to the child’s parish to baptize.  This will require you first to ask your pastor if he would be willing to have a priest come in before asking the Fr. Relative.  Though the practice at St. Sebastian is, “Anybody who wants to work is welcome,” other parishes are not so willing for various good reasons.  This request should be made early especially if the priest is from out of the diocese and permission from two chanceries may need to be sought and paperwork submitted.

NEXT WEEK:  GOD PARENTS AND IF THERE IS ENOUGH TIME AND SPACE: NAMING THE BABY.  (Ooooh.  That should be good.)

FRIDAY POTPOURRI: AMERICAN CATHOLIC ETIQUETTE

In 1961 Kay Toy Fenner, wife, mother, newspaper woman, and magazine writer came out with a book entitled, “American Catholic Etiquette.”  I picked it up at a yard sale some place twenty years ago and actually referenced it when it I was ordained.  Mrs. Fenner, according to the book jacket, includes in her family two Jesuit priests, a secular priest, a Marist priest, a Christian brother, and a Sister of Charity.  “In the course of an active social life, Mrs. Fenner has had occasion to supervise family weddings, large and small, ordination parties, and funerals.”  In her life she had been invited to speak before Catholic societies, highs schools, and colleges on sacramental etiquette and youth problems.  Interestingly enough, her book as an imprimatur and a nihil obstat which makes the whole thing even more delicious.

 

Such a book as this (updated of course) is needed more than ever.  But American Catholic practice is so diverse how does one even try to codify its etiquette in any way that could speak to the entire Catholic American community?  It is an absolutely impossible, impudent, insurmountable, insufferable, and audacious task.  So I thought I would give it a try.

Allow me to introduce you to Monsignor Manners.  (A moniker I received in the seminary when trying to form my brothers on certain occasions.)  Not that I hold any fantasy that I practice them well.  Like charity, I often fail in the attempt.  But that does not mean we do not hold up the ideal upon which to base our actions.  So here is the Friday Potpourri series for the next little while: we will go through Mrs. Fenner’s book and see if, to the best of our ability, we can update it for the modern American Catholic.  If nothing else – it might be fun.  (Your comments will always be welcome.)

 

INTRODUCTION:

 

Mrs. Fenner writes, and Monsignor Manners notes that her writing is as fresh on this point today as in her own day, that we are in a period, “of steadily increasing informality of dress, entertaining, and manners.  Some people, confusing correct behavior with outmoded ceremoniousness, have concluded that there is no longer a standard code of polite conduct and have been content to rely upon their native taste as a guide to proper behavior in any set of circumstances. 

“They are wrong.”  There are standards of behavior that are held in esteem and one either practices them or does not to the detriment of themselves or those around them.  Manners, far from being a secret code that the initiated hold over others, are a set of practices to make life better for everyone involved.  In other words, proper manners insofar as they are true manners, are virtues and to practice them is to practice charity.

Our hostess for this journey also puts an emphasis on Catholic manners.  For the vast majority of manners, Catholic behavior is the same as all other citizens.  So, as Mrs. Fenner writes, those places of concurrence are avoided in her book as well as this series.  But Mother Church has given us seven sacraments to assist us and guide us on our way to heaven.  And the reception of most of them are accompanied by social functions.  This is where she and we will focus our efforts in order to define and explain, “the social duties and privileges entailed in the reception of the sacraments and the social functions accompanying them.”

Another reason for the emphasis on “Catholic” is because, “wherever we go and whatever we do, our behavior is judges as the behavior of a Catholic.   Always and everywhere, we are ambassadors from our Church to the world."

Next week’s installment: BAPTISM.

INFANTS AT MASS: GIFT OF GOD OR SPAWN OF SATAN?

The priest is just about to reach the grand crescendo of his homily and then the key sentence is obliterated by an infant’s “WhaaaaaAAAAAAAAAaaaaaa!”  It happens.  What do you expect?  These little one so recently from the womb are not the future of the Church, they are the Church.  They are home.  At home one must deal with such things.

That being said, Mass is not something that one can sit back and “let it happen to you.”  If you really want to receive as much out of the Mass as you can, it requires an investment of your body and your mind.  “Active participation” as called for by Vatican II does not mean multiplying made up ministries in order for people to “have something to do,” it means actively praying particularly when we are given the instruction, “Let us pray,” it means joining in with the prayers of the priest, it means paying attention to what is said in order to understand better.  All that can be pretty difficult if you have an air raid siren going off next to your ear.

There are two ways to look at this.  I am flipping a coin at the moment to see which one will go first.  Just a sec.  Heads – This is the view of some that screaming babies have no place at worship.  We are not simply talking about fussy babies or one terrifying scream, but loud and incessant screaming.  It is during these times that I know I am losing the attention of half the nave during the homily as heads are turning and faces are crumbling into annoyance.  “They should go to the cry room – or the narthex!” comes the hue and cry after Mass.  It is disrespectful to the rest of the community who cannot “enjoy” their Mass in peace.

There is some truth to this.  If it were an adult acting like this we might be forced to call the police.  And most parishes are equipped with a place for such parents and children to be so that they might still be present at Mass, but will somewhat contained the shouting.

The other is exemplified by something a priest said during a Mass when I was growing up.  He told the story (that I am sure is apocryphal) that one day a child in his tiny church (St. Mary in Barberton) was screaming during the homily and the mother stood up to take the child outside.  “He’s not bothering me,” said the priest.  “I know,” the mother replied, “You’re bothering him.”

The priest exemplifies the idea that little ones such as these are part of who we are.  “Let the children come unto me,” and all that.  It is a sign of life in a parish.  That is what it is to be a family.  “Cry unto the Lord!”  That these little ones are among us is a great homily in and of itself.

And cry rooms are not (usually) all that great.  Unfortunately some people use them as a sick room.  Studies show that many germs are passed on in these small confined spaces.  Others use it as a play room which is terribly distracting.  I recently heard that at one particular Mass we have certain persons making use of the cry room to escape the air-conditioning and are not particularly welcoming to persons with crying babies interrupting their quiet (and warmer) Mass.

So what do we do?  I definitely vote down the Cherrios solution (as does our cleaning staff.)  Of course there has to be some give and take on both sides.  It’s largely about being part of the family.  Families are sloppy conglomerations of people whose standards vary widely.  It’s the best of families that grant each other wide tolerance while hopefully trying to look out for the sensibilities of others.