At the end of Mass I generally stand at the back of the church and shake hands as people are leaving. This last weekend a man followed me out and immediately asked if he could talk with me. I (of course) had never seen him before and, unusual for someone to have at the end of Mass, he had a Burger King cup of pop in his hand. I asked him to wait as I would anybody who wants an in depth conversation during this time as it is reserved for quick moments of contact with parishioners that I do not get a chance to see very often if at all. He did wait and then quickly asked for money. “We do not give out money,” I said, which we don’t, 
“If you want I can put you in contact with our Saint Vincent de Paul Society.”
He was willing to receive vouchers from the store instead but we no longer do that either. The offer for being put in contact with the SVdP was repeated but he wanted nothing to do with them. Later in the conversation it was revealed that he did not live in our parish boundaries. We do not offer assistance to people who live in other parishes. They should go to the local parish for assistance and if that parish is too poor we will send assistance through that parish if they vouch for him. This may seem harsh but it solves the problem of people going from parish to parish asking for assistance and draining resources from people who really need it. It also prevents your parish (I learned the long and hard way) from being put on the list for visits from all over northeast Ohio of people asking for whatever it you are giving away – except, of course, for community and Eucharist. (Oooh. Sarcasm there. Confession here I come.)
I member of the Knights of Columbus slipped him some money but he went away, of course, unsatisfied and I moped for a few hours afterwards wondering about the state of my soul. I have complained to you about this before I know. I know that Sunday morning requests are 99% planned with the hope that someone will throw money at the problem because it is such a busy time. I know people from outside the parish boundaries often make the rounds regularly. I know that if they lived in the parish and even more so if we see them at Mass and what not we wou
ld do what we could to help them (and such sincere people have no qualms about dealing with the SVdP and usually do not have a story about needing $100 within the next hour or [insert dramatic consequences here].)
BUT STILL . . . it bothers me or I would not be writing about it to you at this moment even though I am sure it was the right thing to do.
Maybe.
And after giving a homily about more authentically living the Catholic life.
Ouch.
I suppose it is not always about doing the right thing but about trying to do the right thing as best you can.
I think.
“If you want I can put you in contact with our Saint Vincent de Paul Society.”He was willing to receive vouchers from the store instead but we no longer do that either. The offer for being put in contact with the SVdP was repeated but he wanted nothing to do with them. Later in the conversation it was revealed that he did not live in our parish boundaries. We do not offer assistance to people who live in other parishes. They should go to the local parish for assistance and if that parish is too poor we will send assistance through that parish if they vouch for him. This may seem harsh but it solves the problem of people going from parish to parish asking for assistance and draining resources from people who really need it. It also prevents your parish (I learned the long and hard way) from being put on the list for visits from all over northeast Ohio of people asking for whatever it you are giving away – except, of course, for community and Eucharist. (Oooh. Sarcasm there. Confession here I come.)
I member of the Knights of Columbus slipped him some money but he went away, of course, unsatisfied and I moped for a few hours afterwards wondering about the state of my soul. I have complained to you about this before I know. I know that Sunday morning requests are 99% planned with the hope that someone will throw money at the problem because it is such a busy time. I know people from outside the parish boundaries often make the rounds regularly. I know that if they lived in the parish and even more so if we see them at Mass and what not we wou
ld do what we could to help them (and such sincere people have no qualms about dealing with the SVdP and usually do not have a story about needing $100 within the next hour or [insert dramatic consequences here].)BUT STILL . . . it bothers me or I would not be writing about it to you at this moment even though I am sure it was the right thing to do.
Maybe.
And after giving a homily about more authentically living the Catholic life.
Ouch.
I suppose it is not always about doing the right thing but about trying to do the right thing as best you can.
I think.
17 comments:
You did the right thing.
The person who gave him money, whilst generous, did the wrong thing as it will encourage the man to return, or try his luck in another church.
I think your response was the correct one. As you said ...it solves the problem of people going from parish to parish asking for assistance and draining resources from people who really need it ....
Unfortunately in this economy there are many people in need and many people who are not really in need just trying to take advantage of the situation. Because of this a person needs someone/parish to vouch for them.
I have a tendency to believe people but you need to be careful, otherwise you are taking resources from those really in need.
I would love to be able to help everyone who is out of work and need money just for basics. However none of us has an unlimited amount of funds so we have to walk a fine line. It cetainly isn't easy.
The right thing and the easy thing are rarely the same thing. The easy thing is to hand someone a few dollars so that person will move on. This does not solve any real issue. the harder, but likely right thing, is to offer real longer term assistance and for the person who is begging to recognize the real need is long term, not immediate.
It's not like other people are more important than is this man; he was in need, too. But you did the right thing as a father of a parish.
It's a sticky wicket. Like whether or not to hand out $2 through a crack in the window when someone washes your windshield, unasked, while you wait for a NYC bridge toll.. Generally, they are not looking for food or used clothing--only cash. What does one do? It's a crappy way of life, begging. I wish there were jobs for all.
Father, I have seen this man at our parish before, doing the same thing (asking for money). I even saw him at the free coffee and doughnuts get-togethers we have had in the past. When I saw him on Sunday in the vestibule, I recalled that it's been awhile since I've seen him. He likes to talk and needs attention. He seems to be someone who is not fully in touch with reality, based upon my contacts with him over the years. He must live somewhere and be reasonably well-cared for, because he does not dress like a "homeless" person. He probably needs the attention far more than he needs the money. I do feel sorry for him but not enough to take him home with me. How's that for being a good Christian?
I think you did the correct thing. You did offer him help(SVDP), just not the help he wanted. He wanted money for his current needs, which may be good for him or they may not. The help was available to him but he choose to refuse the help offered. I would not fell bad about that. I've been asked several times for money while I'm walking down the street. I never give them money. I have offered to buy the lunch or dinner. Have been refused but mostly it's accepted graciously.
Something to consider is whether, by giving him money, you are supporting an addiction that could kill him. If enough people are guilted into giving him $2...
Our parish also makes a practice of directing the needy to St. Vincent de Paul. I've personally considered carrying "gift certificates" for fast food places and bottles of water to give to one who asks. Friends who have done that report being verbally abused by some "needy" who really only want money towards their addiction. Still, it's hard to know how best to handle this.
Thanks for the comments. In the end begging is not fun. Or at least I would hate it.
We tried the gas and grocery cards thinking that would limit what could be bought with them . . we came to discover that the cards were being sold for cash as a fraction of their worth . . .
From the Didache "Let your alms sweat in the palms of your hands until you to whom you give them."
Several weeks ago as I was about to enter the Chapel, a man seemed to appear out of nowhere right in front of me and asked if I could help him with money. I told him sorry, I could not, and pointed him to the parish office, saying they could refer him for assistance. He said,“Why can’t you help me, because you don’t have your purse with you?” I again referred him to the parish office. It was a very unsettling experience. I think it is best to help those in need through proper channels, which may end up being a long-term solution as Anonymous pointed out. I think you handled the situation properly, Father.
I only have one question for everyone. When someone approaches us in such a manner, how do we know , for sure, that it is not Jesus Christ Himself?
Anonymous, Mother Teresa said that she was ministering to Jesus Christ in the "distressing guise of the poor." So, I would always assume that the individual is Jesus Christ. But is this person also wounded by original sin? If so, then I can't say that I must honor verbatim whatever he requests. Should I take the man home and adopt him? Give him the money he asks for? If I don't give him "what he wants," am I failing as a Christian?
Well, maybe every time we withhold any donation for someone's possible greater good, we could drop it in the collection basket on Sunday, or send it to the retired nuns. Or to United Way. Or to a shelter, all of which are full with families, now.
For me, if throwing money at the problem helps for one day, I consider it no less evil than throwing food from the church food pantry at it for 1/2 a week.
I know the rectories are approached often, and thus, each must have a plan, but for the rest of us, I sincerely doubt we're approached often enough to have to think about it in such depth.
Maybe we could create jobs and hand out a card about it with the $2.
"When someone approaches us in such a manner, how do we know , for sure, that it is not Jesus Christ Himself?"
Okay - but what does that mean???
"You will always have the poor with you."
It's hard, it's very hard - and I suspect that's the point. Whether we give money or referrals or simply acknowledge a need we cannot meet - it ought to chafe at us. When it does not chafe, I'd worry.
I just spent two days walking the streets of Washington DC, looking into the face of Christ in very distressing disguises.
Anonymous, if you saying that when someone is approached and asked for money, regardless of how safe the person feels, they should go ahead and give some money, that is just crazy. I do give money to panhandlers, but I am cautious. If I am in my car or by myself in a public place with others around, I will give money to a panhandler, but not when I am alone. Such a situation may not be intimidating for a man, but it certainly is for a woman.
Anonymous- If it was Jesus that Father encountered He was not told to "get a job" or to "beat it". He was offered help through the appropriate channels. Tossing people a few bucks doesn't qualify as an act of mercy and is pretty cheap grace.
I have to admit, once in downtown Cleveland a beggar cried out to me, "In the name of Jesus, please help me!" and that did motivate me to give him a couple bucks, cheap grace or not!
In Sacred Scripture there are 4 reactions to Christ on the Cross.
1. Apathy- the Roman soldiers casting lots for His garments
2. Antipathy - the Jews of the Sanhedrin and the Scribes and Pharisees
3. Sympathy - St Mary Magdalene and St John
4. Empathy - The Blessed Virgin Mary
We need to decide which of these reactions we will have toward the suffering we encounter in our lives. It is what we hold in our hearts that reveals the most about us.
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