WELL, HEY, LET'S TALK MORE ABOUT ME

Lots of great things have been happening at St. Sebastian Parish.  Well - things that I find extremely fascinating and that I am excited about and want to talk about, but there is a limited audience with whom one can share that kind of excitement.

It is possible to share your success stories with your priest friends - especially your classmates and your close associates.  But there is a limit.  There is no doubt that they are happy for you and wish you the best, but as one gentlemen spoke of last week (not clergy) there is that moment when you can see the switch flip behind the eyes of your friends and instead of interest they are now on auto pilot waiting for you to finish or at least taking a breath long enough for them to say, “So what else is happening?”

And really - that is understandable.  I admit to being the same way.  We may be brother priests, and it may be that we are all supposed to pull together to make this Church thing work, but we were unwittingly trained (things are changing now) to make OUR parish and OUR school for which we are responsible as healthy as they can be and unfortunately that inspires a bit of competition.  I think of my classmate down in New Franklin who has seminarians coming out of his ears, who runs some wonderful spiritual programs that perhaps every parish should have, and who is so darn thoughtful that I want to beat him with a stick.  So hearing of his many and varied successes, I start thinking, “Hey you big oaf, why don’t YOU get on the stick and accomplish more like your classmate here?”  That’s when the switch flips behind my eyes, I wait for a break, and then ask, “So what else is going on?” maybe to stop feeling guilty that I am not accomplishing more.

*sigh* 

That is where a good dad comes in.  A guy in the parish and I were lamenting the deaths of our fathers.  A good father as a male role model can be The Guy that cheers you on.  There is no competition with Dad.  When you were younger he was already better at everything than you (or at least seemed to be) and when you were older, he’s already moved on to other things and you are not the competition.  Hopefully he sees something of himself in you and so can be proud of your accomplishments and instead of the switch flipping behind the eyes, he can say, “Tell me more.  Then what happened?  That is awesome!”

To those dads who can do this - your sons thank you.  In this way you exemplify The Father and the way He loves His sons and daughters.  We need more male role models like you.  You are more important and awesome than you know - more vital to the mission of Christ than you can realize.

Thanks both dads and those who love us like a dad.

IS IT TIME FOR THE RETURN OF THE GOOD DAD?

As mentioned Monday I was with some other priests during the Super Bowl.  Although it turned out to be a great game, at first I had more investment in the commercials than in the particular teams.  At one point during the commercials we looked at each other and said, “What is this?  Good Father Week or something?”  There just seemed to be a preponderance of “good Dad” commercials.

 

It is sad that we are so incredibly used to poor father figures in movies, in sit-comes, in books, and in the public awareness that we would find the presentation of positive role models odd.  One of them actually made me tear up a bit – not something you want to do during a football game, and so I excused myself to get another snack before anyone would notice.

 

A commentary recently said that Super Bowl commercials reflect where the nation is at the moment.  I don’t know if I would go quite that far, but it is an indication of something going on within at least a portion of our culture.  If it wouldn’t sell, they wouldn’t have used it for a commercial.

 

Is it true?  Are we ready for positive father figures?  Do we yearn of the “good father?”  Are we ready to inspire instead of pander?  Are we willing to reinvest in the family?  As they used to say, “Stay tuned.”

MONDAY DIARY CHAPTER II

Answering the question: What is it like in the day of a priest?

Sometimes priests struggle with having to take care of elderly and sick parents just like anybody else. For a while I had to deal with this situation alone. But this past year a blessing came by way of one of my sisters moving back to town (after 30 years of living in the south and making it back to Ohio just in time for one of our worst winters in many, many, years.)

So this past Monday the phone rang in the middle of the night. It was the hospital. This is not an unusual occurrence in a rectory. What made it different was that this time it was concerning my father. He was in the hospital. (Before you become too concerned, he is doing well now.) I grabbed my oils and jumped in the car and met my sister in the emergency room. Normally I would go on in to see the patient/parishioner but we were in for the long haul and so a seat was taken out in the waiting room until we should be summoned by the nurse.

Lots of interesting things happen in an emergency room at night. The highlight was an elderly couple leaving the ER in much joy (their emergency apparently dealt with.) They were laughing hysterically for when the ambulance brought the husband in, they forgot to bring along shoes and so he left the hospital on that slushy night wearing socks and latex gloves on his feet.

As for us, eventually a nurse came out and invited us to the bedside of our Dad. He was pale and mostly unresponsive. I reached down and touched the oil stock for the anointing of the sick that was in my pocket. If you have read this blog for a spell you know that my Dad is at best tolerant of God and religion though more lately there have been cracks in that facade. It was several months ago that he let me pray for him anointing him with oil, even thanking me for it. This could quite possibly be the worst time in his life as he does not believe in an afterlife. That brings with it the realization that not just life, but existence is coming to an end. Period. There is no more excitement to look forward to in this life or in one to come. He is just surviving until nothingness.

So do I anoint him? In the end my sister and I decided to do so. A couple of times he stirred and I found myself actually uttering a prayer that he would stay unresponsive as his reaction might just as easily be snappy (rightful?) anger as it might be great relief and appreciation. There was no way of telling.

The next day, my day away from the parish, I sat by his bedside reading the book about Padre Pio (reviewed in this site last Thursday.) Dad was bouncing back like a super ball. There is nothing to make you fight for life than the thought that earthly death means complete annihilation. What a contrast to what I was reading. Padre Pio who had an overwhelming love for God and a belief in the life to come begged to be released of the bonds of this earthly life so that he might enjoy the company of his God and the saints in heaven. “I desire death,” he says, “only because it will unite me with indissoluble chains to the heavenly Spouse.”

As a priest you see many people come to the end of their earthly path. It is difficult to be with people who do not have faith in or have a very weak relationship with God. Perhaps it happens, but I have never seen anyone go to his or her death in peace in that situation. It is tragic. What else can it be? There is no hope. Eventually the one who says they are Okay with being dead will face the abyss and may be brave, but has no hope. And if there is no hope there can be no joy.

The flip side of that coin concerns those who believe in God and have worked on their relationship with Him. There may still be a certain amount of fear (I fear dying more than death I suppose) but in the end there can be peace, hope, even joy. Mom went like that. Though she was in pain, she went as they said John Paul II went, as if she passed from one room to another. Dad however will go kicking and screaming into a dark night.

That is the gift of God to us. We are asked to contemplate that this Holy Week. Because of Christ, death has been redefined. A good Christian may still fear leaving the known for the unknown, but at least there is still an unknown awaiting you as opposed to nothingness. Even if we face a firing squad and there is no chance of escaping it, we still have hope and that hope awaits us on the other side of the Cross.

DADS AND PORN

As long time readers of Adam’s Ale know, I like to spend some time in prayer and reflection hanging out in the old choir loft (no longer in use) and bell tower here at the Church of Saint Clare. Sitting there and reading I came across a paragraph in Scott Hahn’s book, “A Father Who Keeps His Promises” that led my thoughts racing though a series of connections that I want to share particularly with certain dads.

Here is the paragraph: “After forty long years (in the desert), the first generation had died off, except for Moses and the two courageous spies, Joshua and Caleb. During this time, the second generation was being taught by their Levitical tutors and hopefully rehabilitated from the sinful ways of their parents. But patterns of bad behavior die hard, especially when they’re transmitted from parent to child . . .”

This is the meaning of, “The sins of the father are visited upon his children”. God is not going to punish innocent children for the sins that their parents committed. Just because my father may have cheated at cards does not mean that God is going to punish me for it. Rather the sins that the father (or parent) commits is setting up a pattern of living for his son – for his children. It is a cycle that is difficult to break and requires fathers, in this particular instance, to be incredibly strong and unselfish.

It is astonishing how many men say that their problem with pornography began with the unknowing example of their fathers. Men in their later years tormented that they have this problem that is so hard for them to kick (is that freedom America?) said it all began by finding their father’s (brother’s, uncle’s, neighbor’s dad’s) stash of porn magazines and how they’ve been haunted by it ever since.

Children are inquisitive and snoopy. They aren’t evil. It is what they do. And they find these things and the sins of their fathers haunt them their whole lives as it becomes their sins. I can only imagine what our kids, who are so much more savvy than parents on the computer, can find when snooping about on the home computer that adults think hidden.

Society tells us that it isn’t so bad. It is natural. Kids will get over it. Society does not sit in a confessional. It can be heart wrenching.

Dads with porn: Throw it all out. Today. Get rid of it. Clean it off your computer and make sure that there are controls on your computer never to let it back on again. Don’t let anything of the sort into your house under your Okay. Your sons are counting on you.