WHEN CAN YOU CALL IT QUITS?

My general advice is stick with family.  You only get one that is recognized legally, socially, biologically, and every other -ally.  No matter how annoying, family is always family.

 

Unless it’s not.

 

Is there a time to walk away from family, or a friend, or even a spouse?  Or are we to stick it out no matter what?  If there is a line that once crossed makes it Okay to walk away?

 

The problem is that we are not all the same.  Every person is different.  Each has different strengths and weaknesses.  Others are more open to change while some just aren’t.  Situations vary.  So there is no magic formula into which you can plug a few numbers and know the answer nor is it as simple as Ann Lander’s constant advice, “Are you better off with or without this person?”

 

So there is Jesus, the perfect model.  He knew that Judas was going to betray Him.  He knew that he was a thief.  He loved him anyway and was thereby able to bring good from Judas’ evil action.

 

There are many persons we could site who did this.  One of my favorites is St. John of the Cross who was treated miserably by his family and fellow brothers in his order.  For what was done to him, if today it went to court, many of his confreres would be jailed.  But he loved them, stuck with them, and today his love is still transforming the Church.

 

But must we always stick it out?  Matthew 7:6, "Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.”  Or Luke 13:27: "But he will reply, “I don't know you or where you come from. Away from me, all you evil doers!”  (I may be forcing the context a little, but I think there is a point to be made.)

 

A lot of discussion and discernment must take place with the appropriate persons.  But in the end it comes down to this:  The motivation must be love.

 

Did you find out that your spouse is a child molester?  It may be that love for your children may call you to part ways.

 

Is family pressure so great and your strength only so much that your faith is in danger of being snuffed out?  It may be that limiting exposure is necessary in order to preserve your loving relationship with God.

 

Is your spouse an alcoholic and not seeking help and they need waking up?  Would stepping away help them to realize what is happening to their life?  Can you do it in a loving way with the motivation of them finding healing?

 

Tricky, tricky questions.  As you can see, we could come up with a billion scenarios all with varying factors.  And there will always be people on both sides of the fence.  “Never, ever give up on anybody!”  and “How on God’s green earth could you suggest that somebody stay in that abusive situation?!” 

 

Prayer.  Discernment.  Consult.  And most importantly, find the loving motivation.

MARK MY WORDS!

IF your town still has a newspaper, and IF you still get it, and IF on Sunday they still have the Parade Magazine (will someday I have to explain what a magazine was to kids?) this past weekend you would have seen an article about Mark Wahlberg.  The short article is under a weekly feature called, “Sunday With . . .”  In it, they interview a famous person and there is at least one question that they ask every week: “How do you spend Sunday?”

 

Week after week after week I read this feature paying particular attention if it is a person whose work I like, just hoping that one of them would say that they somehow gave thanks for their talent, their wealth, their notoriety, or the fact that anybody cares that what they do on Sunday.  But week after week after week it is usually something along the lines of, “We sleep in.  Then I make pancakes.  We lounge around the house or go shopping or to the zoo.”  Not even a “we help out in a soup kitchen.”  Sunday, for many, seems to be “Me Day.”  I don’t have to work so we spend time on ourselves.  On the one hand that is good.  (I try for some me time myself on Sunday if it is available.)  But there is not even a mention of, “and we say grace remembering that everything is a gift.”

 

Then there is Mr. Wahlberg, former crack-addict, prisoner, Calvin Klein model, rapper, current actor and father.  Here is how he describes his Sunday;

 

“If the kids are good, I’ll have doughnuts for them at 6:30 in the morning,” (Note: 6:30 in the morning – ready for his kids.  I have just started thinking about becoming functional at that time – he’s already got doughnuts for the kids and I have Mass!) “and I say, ‘You guys gotta let Mommy sleep in!”  DO YOU KNOW WHY HE DOES THIS?!  BECAUSE THEN: “I’ll go to church” (read: Mass) “at 7:30 and everybody will be eating breakfast when I come home.”  Nice right?  Hold on to your biretta friends for the next sentence.  “Then we’ll go to church again at 10:30. . .”

 

Okay, maybe he’s making up for some of his famous peers who forget to mention anything outside of themselves as a Sunday activity.  But still: he’s once again proven himself one of my heroes.  (If you hear that he kicks his dog or lets his kids eat Cheerios at Mass, please don’t tell me.  I need my heroes.)  But it just goes to show you how much good you can do.  He isn’t pictured waving a Vatican flag or preaching (apparently like I am) about what people should do if they consider themselves faithful, he was asked a question and he answered honestly.  It led to a second question by the interviewer, “Faith is obviously a big part of your life.”  Which, in retrospect is not a question but a statement.  But he answered none-the-less, “It’s the most important part of my life.”

 

There.  Very matter of fact.  No preaching (in the negative sense) and no theatrics.  And he did a world of good for Catholics that need a shot in the arm.  Thank you Mr. Wahlberg.  I hope more of us can follow your example.

(And we have dooughnut Sunday here.)

ARRESTING DEVELOPMENTS

A Cleveland priest is in trouble.  Gads I hate that.  How anybody in their right mind would risk such behavior in this day in age – especially knowing that priests are going to be especially targeted – is beyond my ken.  But as much as I want to slap him upside the head, I feel sorry for the poor soul firstly that he is so desperate that he was willing to risk public embarrassment (not to mention having already contracted HIV) and that as a priest and close to the sacraments as he was did not reach out to someone who would lead him away from such behavior or allow the grace of the sacraments to help him find fulfillment elsewhere.

 

Say a prayer for him and even more so for his congregation.

 

*sigh*

 

The coverage from the news media was interesting.  Within an hour of the arrest, one news station was already pumping out stories on the internet.  The details in the paper were excruciating.  The amount of people arrested for such behavior every day is staggering, but it is for Catholic priests that such painful details are put on display for public scrutiny.  I wasn’t even sure what some of the stuff was about which they were speaking.

 

But I mention this because I don’t think it an entirely bad thing.  Politicians and priests are given a spot light and everyone else, except the most outrageous offenders, get little or no coverage at all.  Why is this?  Is something more expected especially of Catholic priests?  Are they seen as different?  We are supposed to be different – “in the world not of the world.”  As much as it appears to be an attack and may, in the heart of the reporter, be intended as such, at its root there may be a strong desire that there would be hope in this world beyond the mundane.  That the world wants there to be some great and indisputable power for good and an inerrant answer to our questions.  And when there is someone who comes along who should be a shining example that fails so spectacularly, it is with a mix of sarcasm, anger, disappointment, and a little relief in that “I don’t have to change my life because that faith just leads to the same place,” the gory details are paraded down the center of the street for all to see and learn the age old lesson, “See, it was too good to be true.”

 

Yet there are 1.2 billion Catholics in the world.  Some of them are bound not to get it and end up exploding like the space shuttle while the world looks on and gasps, unable to turn away. 

 

But the opposite is also true.  When we go to Church we are surrounded by proof that the faith does work and for those who follows her, holiness is offered.  We see them in wood, plaster, and paint.  The light shining through their images in glass is so bright we can barely look upon them.  They also walk out of the confessional, having confessed their sins, striving to make amends, change their lives, and do penance.  Even hundreds of epic fails cannot dim the great cloud of witnesses that testify that the path to holiness in the Church is a true one for those who are true to it.

 

In the meantime, be aware of the public scandal that our sins can cause.  May they never be an excuse for someone else to stay away from the faith.  May the people of St. Ignatius persevere in their journey toward the Supper of the Lamb.

WHAT DOES BOSTON TELL US ABOUT OURSELVES?

I will admit to having a difficult time processing the events associated with the Boston Marathon tragedy.  It feels as though something will be revealed pointing toward the whole thing being a terrible mistake, but I know that this is not the case.

 

Equally confusing to me is the nation’s reaction to the bombing.  What does a government do that seems to be wanting to shuck all connection to religion do in the face of such tragedy?  Does its congress close its session with prayer?  Does its president thank priests for opening the doors of their parishes to those who are lost and confused in the affected area?  For that matter, does NPR interview the Episcopal bishop of Boston about the good work the local churches are doing in the wake of the bombing?  For that matter there are all kinds of public displays such as flags flying at half-mast and every event is being dedicated after a moment of prayer to the victims of the Boston bombings from Dancing with the Stars to professional baseball.  What are they doing?

 

If God is taken out of the picture, what do these gestures mean?  If we are simply pausing to remember, or to unite ourselves with the people gathered in Boston, it amounts to not much more than the rally cry, “Remember the Alamo!”  We will not forget because it will not happen again.  We won’t let it.  And part of that is not forgetting.  If there is no God it can result in little more (ultimately) than remembering to send help to those we like and wreak revenge on those we don’t. 

 

But of course, that is not why we ultimately do these things.  Not unanimously, but as a people we are reaching out.  And like the atheist who is in crisis when he is truly thankful and has nobody to thank, what do we do when we pretend not to be “one country under God” and we need somebody to whom we turn?  We could turn to a president, or an armed militia, or the police and cry out, “Save us!  Repay our enemies!  Bring us peace!”  (Is this how the Caesars became deified?)  But can they bring meaning to these events?  Can they bring hope?  When we need consolation, when we need pulled out of ourselves and our fears, when we need something to do, someone to whom we can turn, when we need someplace to go, we drag out God like a neglected parent that only gets a call when we need to borrow money.

 

Or it may be, that at our heart, we are still a nation that believes in God even when we don’t want to.

WHAT WON'T PEOPLE BELIEVE?

So there’s a big brouhaha over atheists putting up signs about not believing in God. After the story in the paper there was a rush to condemn the behavior and then a backlash of letters saying these are just good honest folk “coming out of the closet” so to speak. Of course, if they were simply stepping into the light and announcing themselves in a non-antagonistic way they would not have called themselves, “Freedom from Religion” but something along the lines of, “Freedom in Atheism.” But clearly the title leads one to believe that this is a movement against something rather than for something – ironically the very thing they proclaim to hate about believers.

I have run into this same phenomena between Christian denominations. At my first assignment there was a Protestant Church that used to sneak into our parish church and leave tracts condemning Catholics to the everlasting fires of hell, worked at converting Catholic children at school, and spent, according to various reports, an incredible amount of time in their worship services proclaiming, “Catholics are going to hell. We are not Catholic so join us.” (This done we were informed because they love us and want to save us.)

Now I do not have a problem debating someone who says that they have a better message. “Here is what we believe, we believe it better, more true, whatever, so give it a shot.” But I do have a problem when converting others is based on burning everyone else’s house down in order to make theirs look good.

Among the letters to the editor there was of course the usually diatribe about how faith is the cause of war throughout the ages. It is a tired, old and almost lame horse whipped out of the barn and forced to trot around the paddock. And even if evidence is presented, very little analysis is brought to bear on it. It can’t be for it would show itself to be the broken down old gelding that it is – unable to carry any weight on its sagging back.

There is the idea that man would have a natural instinct to build a much better society if it were not for religion. If there were no such thing as faith in God and a religion to protect, many argue, we could go about the task of building a utopia. Unfortunately there is little to no real evidence of that at all. There is evidence however of faith doing so. If I might quite G. K. Chesterton on the matter:

Morality did not begin by one man saying to another, "I will not hit you if you do not hit me"; there is no trace of such a transaction. There is a trace of both men having said, "We must not hit each other in the holy place." They gained their morality by guarding their religion. They did not cultivate courage. They fought for the shrine, and found they had become courageous. They did not cultivate cleanliness. They purified themselves for the altar, and found that they were clean. The history of the Jews is the only early document known to most Englishmen, and the facts can be judged sufficiently from that. The Ten Commandments which have been found substantially common to mankind were merely military commands; a code of regimental orders, issued to protect a certain ark across a certain desert. Anarchy was evil because it endangered the sanctity. And only when they made a holy day for God did they find they had made a holiday for men. (The Flag of the World)

Considering Christian Church and the horrors attributed to her in the world, I would say she was responsible for none of them. Rather I would say that it was precisely when men did NOT follow her that we ended in trouble. Christianity may not stop man from destroying the world, but neither will atheism. In fact, with atheism there is theoretically even less holding one back. Even if a Christian should destroy half of the world there is at least the chance that if his faith prick his conscience he will feel guilty and have some fear before God and leave the other half.

Christianity is a cure for what ails the world. But it neither forces men to act in a certain way nor prevent them for doing dastardly things in its name if they so choose.

Here is an example of what is both the down and upside of the Christian Church. Years ago I was working in a theater when a couple of young men walked in wearing the Catholic high school jackets. They created a bit of mischief in the restroom and I overheard a couple of adults commenting not on those to ruffians, not on those high school boys, not on those Catholic high school boys, but on those CATHOLIC boys. Where they living the Catholic faith at the moment? Of course not. But by identifying themselves as Catholic did they bring harm to the faith? Yes. But, they are also identified as Catholic and as a member of the Catholic community and I can bring some pressure to bear. “That is not the way Catholics act,” I might say to them. I could also go back to the community and say, “We need to do something. A couple of our Catholic boys are acting up. We need to start preaching and teaching about . . .” We may not prevent a fire, but we can set up a water brigade even as others fan the flames. Faith is about helping us see that dousing the flames is best and faith gives us the courage to go out and convince others, both Christian and none Christian alike, not just because the action is Christian, but because not burning is the correct thing to do – is truth.

The last word on this I will give to our friend Chesterton again who said, “Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried.”

GUEST BLOGGER - BE BOLD

C. is an ordinary person with a wonderful witness to the faith. She strives everyday to overcome the common fears we all face in wanting to follow Christ more unreservedly. Here is what she wrote about some of her journey thus far.

For most of my adult life I have felt like I’ve “buried my coins”. Not that I’ve been a bad person, but I know I haven’t used my gifts to their full potential. I’m trying to pick up the slack now, but sometimes I find that on the tail of every inspiration to do something good, there is that little voice of objection that says, “Why bother?”

“Why bother offering up sacrifices. Yours are too small to matter.”

“So what if unethical things are happening where you work? You can’t fight the system."

“Why pray? You’re not a priest/nun. You’re prayers aren’t important.”

There are dozens of ways to gently discourage yourself from doing anything good…ever. You can ponder just how bad the culture is and just throw your hands helplessly in the air. I can’t change the world, right?

You can distract yourself by indulging your own discouragement. Who doesn’t enjoy a good pity-party, blowing the sad little party favors of despair (*tweept*).

My most distracting thought of all is, if I do (insert blank) for God, it might lead me somewhere I don’t want to go, somewhere where there are relationships and responsibilities and commitments.

The only way I manage to do anything in life is by swatting these objections immediately away and dealing with things one day at a time. Didn’t Christ say there is trouble enough in today? I recall Mark Twain saying that worrying is like paying interest on a debt you may never owe. I try not to squander the courage God gives me by worrying about all the undesirable things I may have to do if I decide to follow Him wherever He leads.

So what if I’m not up to the task? Can any of us ever conclude that we’re “good” enough to do something great for God? Mother Theresa and St. Faustina argued (directly!) with Jesus that they were too weak, foolish, and sinful to do what He was asking of them. Jesus responded that their weakness was their only qualification, and that when they succeeded the world would know that it was God’s work and not theirs. If God still used them, why not the rest of us?

Maybe all of the objections buzzing around my head are true. Maybe I’m not smart enough, good enough, witting, charming, or brave enough to do anything important for God. I don’t care.

I’ve concluded that the perfect faith and confidence I’m waiting for isn’t coming, so I’ve stopped waiting. I’ll accept the possibility of humiliation and failure. (I hesitatingly recall another saying: “Maybe the whole purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others!”) I’m not going to expect everything I do to be perfect because most successes are messy anyway.

I’m not going to wallow in my own discouragement. Maybe the world is just as big a mess as it appears. Well, God doesn’t ask the impossible, and He’s had mercy on us this long. Maybe my generation still has a chance to fix things. I don’t think anyone wants to say on their deathbed, “Well, at least I played it safe.” We should want to be heroes! We have to plow ahead with whatever God puts in our path and ignore our own objections. If you’re in a state of grace, then charge on; God will work around your warts. We have to pray, hope, and trust. Like Mother Teresa once said, “God wants to do great things with you. Don’t get in His way.”

EUCHARISTIC HEROES

When I was disassembling the first of the Mass kits mentioned yesterday I found a half of a host. It was buried underneath the lining so it could have been there for years without anybody noticing it. The question became immediately, “Is it consecrated?” How would one know? So used the option of dissolving the host in water and then putting it down a secrarium. But I’ve known some men over the years who have surprised me with their natural reverence for the Eucharist for whom this would not have been an option.

When I was in the seminary I was employed for the summer at St. Gregory the Great parish (just down the street from St. Clare) and was sent in with a few other gentlemen to the old convent to clean it out as it was going to be converted to other purposes. Cleaning one cell out with me was a young man, a true guy’s guy, who I did not know to be a strong Catholic, at least not yet. We waded in through a carpet of dust on the floor and began by pulling the bed away from the wall. The dust was twice as thick where the bed had been and there were a couple of items discovered abandoned there.

The first was a holy water bottle with, presumably, holy water in it. I still have this bottle (albeit with fresh holy water in it) in my kit in the car. Sticking my hand in the dust I also retrieved a host. I remember being a bit stunned and holding it up in the palm of my hand said, “It’s a host. Do you suppose it is consecrated?” Before anything else could be done or said, this young man snatched the host out of my hand and consumed it. I was amazed and speechless. Friends, under all normal circumstances this was truly a disgusting event, but to him, all he could see was the glory of God.

Later, after the initial shock had passed, I asked him if he had ever considered becoming a priest and he responded by saying that he had thought of it seriously, but nobody ever mentioned it to him leaving him feeling unworthy. And then became pretty serious about a young lady. It was from that point that I started mentioning priesthood to any young man who showed the slightest interest or potential. I wonder if that young man who should be in his 30s now has any idea how deeply in that single action he had effected a future priest’s reverence for the True Presence.

A second story of an act of conspicuous reverence for the Eucharist concerns a priest of this diocese. On hospital rounds he gave viaticum to a patient that was so far on the road home that her body ended up reflexively rejecting the Eucharist. This priest, far more brave of a man than I, without thinking (which was probably best) consumed the host so that in no way could it be defiled. I don’t know that I recommend that (in fact I don’t, there are other reverent and safe ways to handle the situation) but the love and devotion to the Eucharist he displayed that day was a striking declaration of his belief in transubstantiation: that the Eucharist truly is the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Our Lord Jesus Christ.

It just goes to show that you never know who you may be inspiring and how your example and story may be spread without your knowing it.

PINING FOR YOU MY GOD

Perhaps you caught the note a couple of days ago explaining my entrapment in Akron from one of the storms that hit Ohio these past couple of days. As much as it made life difficult for some it must be admitted that it was a beautiful snow and so my sister suggested that we engage in an excursion to an old farm-turned-county park and take a turn about and catch the beauty of the winter’s day.

Take a look at these pinewoods. I love this little path through here. In the summer people hike down it and in the winter you can see two slick tracks with pin pricks on each side where cross country skiers dash around the old fields. Off to each side are the pad marks from many a walked dog. Yet about twenty years ago this was not but an old farmer’s field overrun with weeds. That is until the Girl Scouts came out one weekend and planted hundreds of twigs that came up to me somewhere on the low side of the space between my ankle and my knee.

Saying, “Some day this will be a wooded land where people will recreate and animals will find food and shelter,” I bet was of little comfort to the poor sweating little girls who labored out in the hot, treeless field; little children not having much appreciation for doing things that will bear fruit a generation away. Yet here is the stand of woods today. Do you suppose any of them ever remember that hot summer day? I wonder how many of them have ever returned to take a peek at the progress of their stand of trees. Perhaps many of those girls are married with tiny tots and have moved far away. But what a wonderful legacy they left behind. Their small effort produced so much joy for so many people for so long.

Faith works much the same way you know. Be not afraid to offer a small seed of faith to someone. Who knows what it might grow into?

In This Rock magazine Deacon Bill Turrentine speaks of how he was about as far away from believing in God as might be possible. One day, narrowly escaping grave injury in a climbing accident one of his buddies jokingly asked him, “Do you believe in God now?” It was a fairly innocuous comment with out much punch from a man of faith. Yet that tiny seed over time grew into a mighty faith that brought him to God and even into the deaconate in the Church.

Do not hold back on small acts of faith and witnessing. Who knows what blessings they will bring to others later on down the road? You may never see the result. One must simply have faith that God will magnify your efforts if He is given some amount of effort to build upon.