TUESDAY QUOTE OF THE WEEK CLXXIIX

FINDING TRUTH WHEREVER IT MAY BE FOUND: “One should never tell the lion what he can do only what he should do.” Proverb

QUOTE II: “[W]eather gave no fair warning, honored no flag of truce, and scorned all rules of warfare.” From Sharon Kay’s, “Devil’s Brood; The Last Days of the Tempestuous Marriage of Henry II and Eleanor of Auitaine”

IN OTHER NEWS:

My computer is acting up today and this is taking way too long considering the punishment I am enduring by way of work load owing to being away for a week. So this post will be short.

This was just a cool picture from my trip to NY. I took it from my car window - would have like to had more of the yellow field to contrast with the foreboding sky but this is what you can do at 45 mph.

An anonymous reader suggested this link to a good post at the Deacon's Bench.

The Diocese of Cleveland Enewsletter had an article that you might find interesting. It reads in part, "The Monday, June 28th Plain Dealer story "Diocese's downsizing coming to an end" authored by reporters Michael O'Malley and Robert L. Smith contained three marked inaccuracies which require correction. First, the article states that week after week Bishop Lennon performed rituals to "desanctify" the holy places. What is this word desancitfy? There is no desanctification of a building. In fact, if these reporters had bothered to attend any of the closing Masses they would know that the closing ritual involved prayers of praise at particular locations significant to the people of that parish. " If you ar einterested in reading more click here.

MONDAY DIARY: A DIFFICULT LESSON

“Carry no money bag, no sack, no sandals, and greet no one along the way.”

These lines for last weekend’s Gospel were floating through my mind as I contemplated them for this Sunday’s homily climbing Mount Catamount last week. I was away from the parish visiting my sister in the Adirondacks in upstate New York. You may be away from the parish but there are some things you cannot leave behind – one of them being preparing what you are going to say at next weekend’s Mass. Of course I was nowhere near traveling in the way it commanded the apostles on their particular mission. I had wallet (in case I saw something on top of the mountain that I wanted to purchase,) food – lots and lots of food in case I got hungry for the couple of hours I was climbing, books and journals for a sit down with God at the top of the mountain, raincoat, sweatshirt, camera, phone – PATHETIC.

As it turned out it was cool, rainy day, the kind of day that everyone complains about except me – a true born and bred northeast Ohioan. So half way up off came the sweatshirt – the rain came – on went the raincoat. The top of the mountain was enveloped in clouds. Actually the whole area was blanketed in white cotton making the pictures I took rather uninteresting – kind of like white cows eating snow in a winter storm.

At the top I ate the fruit that I had lugged up and said some prayers remembering in particular my parish and all the people there. The Diocese of Cleveland has just completed a long and painful process of closing parishes one of the last of which was Saint Mary often talked about here. These are difficult times and it turns out that the situation is no less dire in the Adirondacks. The area is becoming smaller and greyer. After years of steady growth the children of those who moved up into the mountains are heading out to where they need not shovel snow so much. My family is no different, one nephew having moved to NC and the other in the middle of moving to FL while I was at his parent’s house. He was swimming in his pool while I was wrapped in a jacket on top of a mountain – each of us happy where we wanted to be.

All this moving has an effect on Church. In some places in Florida they cannot build churches and schools quickly enough. Near my sister’s house they are not sure they can keep the local Catholic schools open. The cost is prohibitive, there is less of a community to hit up for resources, and there are just plain fewer kids to educate. At this writing there was only one child registered for fourth grade.

As great as state schools may be it seems a poverty to have only one option (besides home schooling) for education. In a nation that stresses individuality and diversity how odd it is (to me) that we would be glad to house everyone in the same program and same education culture across the whole of the United States. It’s like entertaining our kids with T.V. Same, same, same.

I took a picture of this sign in a few towns away. Evidence of why we need good schools:

Anyway, I wanted to do some writing on the top of the mountain but the air was just too misty and the ink just blotted on the page. Just before I left two ladies joined me at the peak. As it turns one of them is a photographer. Just for fun here is her website. I think she said she had been published in Adirondack Life, a magazine for which my sister used to be circulation chief. She took my picture. In the background where you see only white on clear days there would be sweeping mountainside vistas of trees and valleys with lakes and rivers. But that is Okay with this northeast Ohioan.

BREAK!

Greetings readers!

I will be on vacation this week. See you next Monday!

God bless,

Fr. V

FRIDAY POTPOURRI: QUIZ DAY

The following four pictures hang in the rectory of Saint Sebastian. You goal is to identify the paintings.

A.
B.

C.

D.

1. Who is person A and how do you know it?

2. Who is person B and how do you know it?

3. Who is person C and how do you know it?

4. Who is person D and how do you know it?

To be honest, we know for sure who and why two of the men are. The other two we know who they are but not necessarily which is which but have our best guest. This is a ploy to get you to help us!

THE BUS TO HEAVEN OR HELL

I remember being a small kid and my Mom taking me to Downtown Akron on the Metro bus. There was always someone to remember on the Metro. Thankfully it was typically unusually nice people but occasionally not.

One time there was a young man who got on the bus and started talking to the person in the front seat. Rather loudly he asked, “Are you saved?” The answer must not have been what he wanted to hear for he started telling the person that if they wanted to get into heaven they had to do such and so. As you can imagine this did not go over very well. So he moved on to the next seat. The same scenario followed. By the time he made it to the third or fourth seat people would not even talk to him.

Though I was only in grade school this scene has stuck with me throughout the years. The mission was both a failure and a success. First it was a failure because nobody wanted to take advantage of the man’s offer of salvation. They were completely turned off. They were judged implicitly as hell bound. Before anything was known about them they had their hands slapped and then told to come to wherever he was for healing love. Kind of a contradictory message.

It was a success in that it impressed on me the way not to evangelize. I will grant you that there are times that you need to kick someone in the batootee, but you should know them first if possible and they should know that what you are saying is because you love them, a love that has been expressed and proven in the past. But rather than condemning and ordering, I find it much better to propose and invite.

If we are going to bring the Eucharist to the world, we first much be convicted. We have to be people of prayer, of sacrament, of striving for sanctifying grace, of exemplifying the life at home, work, and recreation. Then people must know that first they are loved by God, not condemned first with the hope of being saved. When they are faced with questions we propose faith answers. “To be quite honest, when I am faced with these problems, the only thing that really helps me is turning to prayer.” The other half of the equation is the invitation, “Do you want me to pray with you” or “If you ever want to, I help you pray,” or “My family and I go to Mass every Sunday, we would love to have you come sit with us.”

Example, proposing, and inviting, all encased in a sincere love for others. This is a recipe for evangelization on this day when we celebrate the nativity of the first evangelizer of Christ, John the Baptist.

EVEN IF THE MISS IS AMISS, THERE IS STILL THE SON

“The old Missal or no Missal” is a strange thing to hear especially since it less and less means the extraordinary form of the Mass but the current translation. A commenter said, and it was true, that many people will vote with their feet. This will be the case, at least for some.

The disturbing thing about this though is the reason for the voting. Unlike a priest that had horrible homilies or the community that seems closed in on itself or what have you in which you could go to the parish in the next town, this is an action of the Universal Church – or at least English speaking part of it. That means that a person who is “voting,” unless they are going to something a kin to the Spanish speaking Mass down the road or one of the Eastern Rites, is leaving the Church. That I cannot fathom.

I try to think of the hurt some persons might feel in their attachment to the current translation or the frustration of the time spent on the translation when one might feel there are other things that should be done – or perhaps the WAY that it was done – whatever – and I feel for those who are in angst over it. But to vote with your feet, which essentially means saying goodbye to the Eucharist, is beyond my ken. Like Saint Jerome who attended Mass from a ladder through a window for ten years, or when Cromwell invaded Ireland and the Irish had to attend secret Masses and risk death, when the Missal was changed from Latin causing many distress, or even modern day parishioners in the Cleveland Diocese who face the closure of the parishes that married their grandparents, baptized their parents, schooled them, and provided years of shelter from the storms of life but have gone to another parish, all seeking to remain in the Church because in the end it is the Eucharist that is most important.

The Eucharist; the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Our Lord Jesus Christ. As Sheldon Vanauken said in his book, “A Severe Mercy,” if this is so, (and I paraphrase) this is quite simply the most important truth in the world. Tear down our buildings, punish us for celebrating Mass, ridicule the Church, push us to the very margins of society, put imbeciles in charge of us, but don’t take away the Eucharist. Without the Eucharist the world is a cold and lonely place.

TUESDAY QUOTE OF THE WEEK CLXXIX

FINDING TRUTH WHEREVER IT MAY BE FOUND: “Do we moderns smile so thoroughly at our ‘advances’ that we never pause to consider our goal?” Robert Moore in Gilbert Magazine

QUOTE II: “We know what is sacred to us when we recoil from impiety . . .” from Tobias Wolff’s, “Old School”

IN OTHER NEWS:

Parade Magazine has these free games to play to help sharpen your memory.

Here is a free video from the Teaching Company on how mountains effect our atmosphere. I have purchased several lecture series from this company on topics that involve the Catholic Church and have so far always found them fair as well as well done.

M. sent in a site dedicated to bad vestments. "Bad vestment! Down! Down!" What is really sad is that there are so many candidates!

C. S. sent this is: "My dad sent this link to me about the Clericus Cup, “something” like the World Cup. I didn’t know if you knew of this or not. Fun stuff." See it here!

These were sent in recently: Pope Paul VI Institute for Women's Health and the USCCB site for Natural Family Planning.

From Habemus Papam: More World Cup Soccer news: "Dear Soccer Fans, We are very pleased to welcome you to our website dedicated to the presence of the Catholic Church in South Africa, on the occasion of the 2010 Soccer World Cup." See more here.

MONDAY DIARY: ARE WE HAVING FUN YET

A priest friend came by to see me the other day. For a number of reasons we have not been in touch for the past few years but circumstances are making it so it will be easier to get together again. The last time we spent any quality time together was before I was a pastor. So he asked me, “Do you like being a pastor?” It made me stop and think. Do I like it?

I guess the answer is yes I do. There are some things that I miss from being a parochial vicar. One is having time to do ministries that I do not have the time to do anymore, especially teaching. I used to teach a lot more – adults and in the school. There just is not physically time to do as much anymore. On the other hand now I am able to try to truly “father” a parish (in the bishop’s name of course) and try to foster a relationship with the Eucharist, with God, and to try to deepen people’s desire to be good people. I suppose it is like persons who have theories on parenting and then having the opportunity to put all of their ideas to the test. Would I actually make a good parent? Would I make a good pastor?

Perhaps surprising me the most is the amount of paperwork involved in this position. “Even if you are a saint,” a friend once told me, “you still have to get the paperwork in.”

When I was a kindergartener they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I wanted to be a bus driver so I could meet new people all of the time, but I never wanted to go down the same street twice because that would be boring. Being a priest sort of fulfilled these requirements. I do meet new people all of the time. This morning as I type this I have been interrupted twice by people coming to sign up for the parish. And while there are certainties in the schedule (Mass times, meeting times) this vocation is so varied in its requirements that it always keeps one on one’s toes.

Right now we are in the process of hiring a new principal. The awesomeness of the task is considerable. This person will have a huge role in the life of these children, this parish, and this community. Being a principal of a Catholic school means more than merely being principal. In many ways you are also pasturing a community in a way that you don’t in other schools. The responsibilities are vastly different and greater. The process will take up most of the next two days.

Also on the agenda to be done this week is picking out the statue that will sit in the new plaza off of the brick parking lot. We are down to two. So now a decision needs to be made. No matter which one is picked, someone will not like it. On the other hand, no matter which one is picked, someone will love it. Decisions, decisions, decision . . .

So do I enjoy it? Yes, I do. It has its difficult times, but what vocation doesn’t? So mulling it over here on Mull Avenue I answer my priest friend, “I do enjoy being a pastor to such a great community.”

FRIDAY POTPOURRI: ITE MISSA EST

This coming weekend Bishop Lennon will be arriving to Akron to have the final parish Mass at Saint Mary on South Main Street in Akron. One hates to see any parish close for any reason but such things happen. This one is particularly sad because the building is, IMHO, one of the most architecturally significant buildings in the diocese. Unfortunately the Catholic neighborhood around it has shrunk to a considerable extent and so this is the result. I hope that those of you who could were able to stop by and see the church before it closed (or will see it this weekend.) Interestingly enough the school will remain open. (There is a large nin-Catholic community that it serves.)

Previously on A.A. we had a tour of the exterior of the building, a limited tour of the interior, and had a trip of the bell tower. Today there is one more tour to be taken: Through the tunnels underneath the parish buildings!

Fr. B. was kind enough to take some time out of his busy schedule give Fr. Pf. and me a little trip through these seldom seen places. I remember once the 8th grade boys at my first assignment wanting to see what the basement of the church looked like. It was small, neat, and largely empty and they were deeply disappointed. They would not have been at Saint Mary!

Opening the door in the basement of the school we entered a tunnel. I could easily stand in it (I don’t know if you could tell from this first picture) and it led us to the large room underneath the plaza between the church and school.

This picture does not do this room justice. It once housed giant boilers and coal bins but is now replaced with a much more efficient heating system that takes up a fraction of the space. The room is quite large and very high. It could be a small ball room except that it is a basement! Two new, large, cement pillars were erected in the middle of it to shore up the plaza above.

We next passed underneath the church. You can get an idea of the size of the tunnels from seeing Fr. Pf and Fr. B ahead of me turning on the lights.

The wall in the background is actually a large semi-circle. It follows the shape of the apse. The pillar is there to help support the great weight of the high altar.

These tunnels wind around under the nave of the church. A few years ago a University of Akron cinema student used these tunnels in a movie about the seven deadly sins. Apparently this was hell. Who knew that hell had incandescent light bulbs?

These are the cold air returns. If you look above you can see what appears to be coffee cans handing down from the ceiling. If you look up you can see this grate, which would be in the floor or the nave, and see into the church. Here you can get a glimpse of a stained glass window in the clerestory from the basement. Legend has it that once a lady dropped a particularly valuable ring down one of these vents and it was never found. People have searched for it to this very day (I admit, I kept an eye out.) Determined persons with metal detectors have made the rounds and came away with rings and other interesting objects that have fallen through the grates over the years but the ring was never found.

I found a marble.

THE PROBLEM WITH MEN

There is a definite problem with “men” in the Church and there does not seem to be a great solution. This will be most clearly seen in the new translation of the Mass as well as being one of the reasons we need a new translation of the Mass.

“Man” has changed over the past 40 some years; that is, the meaning of man, of men, of brethren. In the new translation if one were to see the priest’s parts at times it will read like this;

“Pray brethren (brothers and sisters) that . . .”

The reason for this is that we no longer have a single word that unites the congregation into a single, familial, covenantal entity. “Brethren” forty some odd years ago meant the entire Church, united together, equal heirs in the kingdom of God. That is no longer the case. As the word “gay” seems to mean something other than a state of happiness in today’s vernacular, “brethren,” for far too many people, means only male gender people.

The biggest problem is that we do not have a new word to take its place.

“People” and similar words do not work for they do not have the connotation of connectedness that brethren had. The word “siblings” comes about as close to what was formally meant by brethren as we have but it also does not quite fit the bill.

“Pray siblings that . . .”

“All translators are betrayers” says the Italian proverb. It is so in this case because we do not have a word to translate “fratres” well into English. Saying, “Pray brothers and sisters that . . .” or “Pray sisters and brothers that . . .” does not fix the problem either. First there is the problem of sensitivity as to who is mentioned first: the men or the women? That there is an order is already a problem. Then there is the obvious of being divided into to two groups of people: one of men and women. “Pray women and men that . . .” This is particularly evident when saying Mass in certain situations in which there just happens to be one man or one woman present amoungst others in the congregation. This may happen at a nursing home Mass, or a small daily Mass or a retreat for women or men etc. “Pray my brothers and sister that . . .” or visa versa. There was someone just completely singled out because of their gender. (There was the case when there a person who would have made up the solitary person of the opposite gender if there were such and for the life of me I could not tell if the person was male or female. THERE was a dice roll . . .)

The argument could be made that we are using much more formal language now and the use of male pronouns and such to denote entire groups of people regardless of sex may be used. But as anyone will tell you that is not always wise. Yet the lack of depth of meaning in saying “sisters AND brothers” is also a loss.

So . . . we are thrown under the buss to decide and the Sacramentary will read, “Pray brethren (brothers and sisters) that . . .”

With challenges like these on the board I'm glad I did not have to be on the committee trying to sort all this out!

OREMUS

After Monday’s post there were several inquiries concerning Lectio Divina. Here is one way of praying it. It presupposes a small group of people praying it together. There are also plenty of good resources on line for a deeper experience of it but I find this quite suitable.

Lectio Divina is Latin for Divine Reading. It is not a Scripture study nor should it take the place of such exercises. It is rather a way of praying the Scriptures, to develop that deeper relationship with God, and to know the Scriptures better.

There are four basic stages. To begin a passage from Scriptures needs to be chosen. It should not be too long. I recommend upcoming Sunday readings, especially the Gospel. Those praying should take a moment to relax and set the outside word aside as one is called to do before Mass. Place yourself in a prayerful posture that can be maintained without being uncomfortable or having the temptation to fall asleep!

STAGE ONE: LECTIO or READ

The text is read slowly and purposefully.
Those present listen for a word or phrase that catches their heart
All sit for a moment with that word or phrase.
Just that word or phrase is shared without commentary or explanation with the others.

STAGE TWO: MEDITATIO or REFLECT

The text is read again.
Listen again for the Word to catch your heart. (It may change.)
Sit with it for a while.
Share what was said TO YOU through the Scripture. It’s not a sermon for others but what is said to you.
Say a sentence or two about it.

STAGE THREE: ORATIO or PRAY

The text is read again.
Sit with it.
Offer spontaneous prayer in answer to the Scripture speaking to you.

STAGE FOUR: CONTEMPLATIO or REST

The text is read again.
Sit quietly and contemplate/pray
If done in a group the leader can end by softly beginning the Our Father or similar prayer.

TUESDAY QUOTE OF THE WEEK CLXXVIII

FINDING TRUTH WHEREVER IT MAY BE FOUND: “’In persona Christi’ means someone who steps up when a person needs someone to die for them, who goes last, who washes feet.” Anonymous QUOTE II: “The most important thing you can say about a 72 year old cardinal is that which you can say about a 2 year old: ‘He says his prayers.’”

IN OTHER NEWS:

Lynn sent this site in for the music and watching the cool fountain.

Russ sent this video in: "What if Starbucks marketed the Church?" Does any of this happen at your parish?

E.K. sent this two and a half minute video in:

Habemus Papam sent this link to an interesting story about science and faith. Thanks!

The Diocese of Cleveland Enewsletter asks, "Did you know, the Catholic Library Association, established in 1921, is an international membership organization, providing its members professional development through educational and networking experiences, publications, scholarships, and other services?" Learn more here.

Lynn and Kay both sent in this 1 and a half minutes of dog joy.



Ellen says, "Registration for the Chesterton Conference is now open!" Read more here.

Frank sent this in: "This is a great web site and educational tool to have at your disposal. It instantly calculates so many things; math, science, chemistry, physics, financial data, weather, nutrition, health, history, people, etc." Watch the introductory video here and the actual site is here.




Oh! I think that is enough for today!

MONDAY DIARY: BRIEFLY WITH THE BREVIARY

An interesting phone call came in this week. One I don’t get very often. In fact, it has never happened before.

A man called and said that he bought a Christian prayer book and wanted instructions on how to use it. “I just want you to know that I am Protestant, but I want help in learning how to pray with this book.”

So I wondered what was in his Christian prayer book. Was it the rosary? So I asked a few questions and discovered it was the Christian Book of Prayer, a shorter version of the Breviary. These books contain the Liturgy of the Hours, the official prayer of the Catholic Church. All clergy and religious take an oath to pray this prayer daily for the sake of the Church, but in truth, all Catholics are urged to pray this prayer. We pray parts of it throughout the year as a parish and whenever I take someone on as a spiritual directee, they will learn how to pray this great prayer.

Bearing all of that in mind you can imagine my surprise when a Protestant called to ask for instructions. I told him it is one of those things where it was much easier to teach him how to pray it if I prayed it with him and showed him how it was done. He was quite excited at the prospect and we set a date.

“How much do you charge?” he asked.

HA! God bless him!

He came and while I was setting his ribbons for him in order to find the correct psalms to pray I had to ask, “So how on earth did you come across this book?” He explained that he was looking for some deeper, meditative prayer of a type he was not finding in his local church. It is a popular mega church in the area. He found the Christian Book of Prayer on line and ordered it and now needed someone to teach him how to pray it. So we did.

You know, it is interesting to view one’s faith from the perspective of an outsider. We are used to and take so much of our faith for granted. But there is much to it that is so foreign to other people. This occurred to me for the first time when I had to explain relics to someone who was not Catholic. THAT was eye opening.

So I explained to him that I was going to show him how Catholics pray the LOTH and that he would have to adapt it to his faith tradition. It became an opportunity to see the Liturgy of the Hours through his eyes. There were clearly some things that were not going to be part of his practice such as the Sign of the Cross and the Marian Antiphon sung at the end of Night Prayer. But as I paid attention to the all many Psalms prayed in a single day, the other Scriptural passages, the music, and the constant reliance on God I was once again bolstered by this great faith of ours.

When we got to the petitions the first one was for, “Benedict our pope and Richard our bishop.”

“You probably want to skip over those huh?”

“The pope is a great man. I have no problem praying for him.”

I was a bit stunned and could only mutter, “Thank you.”

When we were done he asked if I could recommend a book on Lectio Divina. “I just happen to have a work sheet here to help you pray it. Let’s try it together with a passage from Scripture.” And we did.

Why is this man not Catholic?

I wish I could be a fly in the wall when he returns to his church and shows them what he has been praying. Will it go over well? Maybe it will direct him to the Catholic Church or simply make him a better prayer in his own church. In any event, it made me more appreciative of our prayers.

FRIDAY POTPOURRI: A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME

We have been talking about basilicas as building designated by the Church to be such. But there is also a basilica style of architecture. As opposed to a designation which would also have in it the symbols of a church thusly titled, it is the manner of construction that makes these churches basilicas. (Not all basilicas are of basilica architecture and not all churches built of basilica architecture are basilicas!)

Basilicas began their lives as public buildings during Roman times. Found at the center of town they were large gathering spaces in which business and legal transactions took place. There were pillard aisles down the side to provide space for booths and such. The roof over the central area was raised in order to allow light in through a clerestory. At one end there was an apse, usually having a dais where the local magistrate would sit and conduct business.

When Christianity became legal (and the official religion of the empire) in the fourth century, large buildings for worship needed to be built/utilized. The design of pagan temples would not do. They were not intended for such things. Sacrifices were made out of doors with the temple as a background. The temple itself was meant to hold an image of the god and the treasury – not large meeting spaces for ritual. But the basilica fit the bill! There was the large open space for people to pray together and Christ and the altar of sacrifice took the place of the local magistrate in the dais which was already designed to be seen by all.

This type of building is still widely in use today in the Church. The question must be asked, “Why?” The answer is simple: because it works. The liturgy grew up around the basilica style floor plan. That is why often other attempts at modern architecture often fail in one way or another. An architect friend once said to me, “The mark of a great church is not that it works for Sunday Mass, but that it works well for the Easter Vigil.” The basilica style done well is not the only one that does this of course but it does work and does so brilliantly.

BUT . . .

In season 2 episode 1 of Arrested Development a husband who is a clinical psychologist is trying to work on his failing marriage with his wife. He tells her that sometimes he counseled people to have an open marriage, remaining emotionally attached by exploring other avenues for fulfillment in order to heal their marriage

“Does it work?” asks his wife.

He responds, “Oh no it never does. I mean these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but . . . but it might work for us.”

It’s funny because it’s true.

The same scenario plays itself out in parishes and religious orders. Put two parishes or two religious orders side by side, one flourishing and one languishing and way too often the one languishing will keep the course as steady as a helmsman with his eye on home port after three month at sea (even though it is on fire, under naval attack, burning with the black plague, and under interdict by the local ordinary.) The mantra is, “But we are right – and all we have to do is keep going the course and our mission will catch on!” though the end is in sight like a knitter who nears the end of a ball of yarn.

It is reflected in marriage. Our society is determined what it wants to believe about marriage (and here I am speaking of traditional marriage between a man and woman) though the same formula used over and over again has lead to skyrocketing divorce, broken families, abortion becoming the number one cause of death in the United States, and any number of other social ills too numerous to list and our answer to it (as politically correct animals) is to go even further down the same path because we are sure we are right and at any moment will find ourselves in verdant pastures. This in spite of what our own statistics tell us.

What comes closest to assuring a long lasting marriage in the United States today? As reported (in the comics section!) of the Plain Dealer, in the book, “Social Psychology” by David Myers it is this:
1. Both from stable two parent homes.
2. Dated for a “good while” before marriage.
3. Did not live together.
4. Did not have a baby.
5. Are religious.

Funny, I heard this somewhere before. Maybe it was the child’s rhyme, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.”

Or maybe it was catechism class.

To be fair there are several other factors they sited:
1. Married over the age of 20
2. Well educated
3. Stable income
4. Living in a small town or farm
5. Are of similar demographics on such areas as age, education, and faith.

To not have these reflected in your relationship in toto or a good portion of them, “breakdown is almost a sure bet.” So even if you do not want to take your cue from Scripture, if you do not want to be “obedient” to the Church, if you truly love your spouse, take these points under advisement. To not seems to be risky. Might your relationship work anyway? “Oh no it never does. I mean these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but . . . but it might work for us.”